My 19 year old son won't talk to me.

Sherry - posted on 05/15/2016 ( 1 mom has responded )

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My son moved to college 2 years ago and then a year later moved in with his dad. He was seriously disrespecting his father about a month ago over how we parented. Saying we failed as parents, we are loosers, immature, pathetic, that our family business sucks and we are technically unemployed. (We have never been broke and he has never gone without). He said a lot of mean hurtful things. His father made him move out. My son is a sweet kid and has a golden heart, but put us through hell from 10th grade through 12. Looking back I now realize some of what he was doing was teenage stuff (coming home drunk, staying gone past curfew etc). I know I over reacted many times, but I was so scared he would end up an addict like I was 20 years ago. He did alot of things that are not normal teens stuff either such as sneaking my car out, totaling it and another car because he was drinking and driving. Plus a ton of other things. I know I was a bad mom. I screamed to much. I am still working on that part. I was always angry. I know I messed up big time. However, he has always been my baby. I love him more than myself. While being a bad mom I did manage to provide everything he needed or wanted, would give him my last dollar, bought his car, went to all parent conference and many other things. I always supported him in all his endeavors. I had him at 17 and I had no clue how to raise him, but his father was awesome although very strict. Pretty much he stopped talking to me in dec 2015 after I took back a truck I let him borrow after I smelled weed in it. He knows I don't accept any type of drugs. I message him often and heard back very little. Since the fight a month ago he won't respond to me at all. I message him often and tell him how sorry I am for being a bad parent, but still get no response. What should I do? I know I did alot of bad things but I know I did alot of good. What can I do to rebuild our relationship? Please help I'm so hurt.

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Chez0401 - posted on 05/17/2016

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Hi. Having read what you've been through, I feel you're giving your Son power over yourself. You've disciplined him for smoking weed in a truck, but then when he didn't like it, you've spent the time apologising for it. I understand it's hard not having your Son talking to you but he should be the one apologising to you for doing wrong. He knows your weaknesses & insecurities. He seems to be playing off them. You seem to spend a lot of time apologising for the past & telling him that you've been a bad parent. We all do something wrong as patents but we need to work on the mistakes, learn from them & build ourselves to be better parents. You need to stand by your discipline & your Son should respect you for that. Try to stop apologising, move on & learn from the past, gradually build a better relationship by being a stronger you & work on your insecurities with your Son so he can respect you.
I hope this helps.

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