My 19 yr. old daughter was recently raped and brutally sodomized by her 22 yr. old boyfriend...and she went back to him...how do I get her to see that he is a sociopath?

KATISHA - posted on 06/15/2012

Many times we as parents tend to overprotect our children from birth even to adulthood...and sometimes that can be a bit overbaring for the child...It is unfortunate that your daughter had to experience such a tragedy in life at such an early age, all ou can do is continue to support, encourage, and most of all be there for your daughter. I had a similar situation with my daughter we pressed charges, he was convicted did jail time, and we were issued a NO CONTACT ORDER OF PROTECTION..what good it did when 3 weeks later I discover she is back with him...driving his car....and God knows whatelse...yes it literally mademe sick but I had to let Go and Let God!!!!!unfortunately my daughter was murdered June 22, 2010...so I dont still have mines to hold on to..but you do....be there for her!!!!!!

Louise - posted on 06/15/2012

This is so sad but unfortunately, there is not much that you can legally do, as you say, she is an adult. If this so-called boyfriend can do this to her, then tell her he loves her so much, what will he do to any children they may have...??.!! Maybe if she can think of a child she may have being hurt, she may decide to give up on the relationship. Foresight is so much better then Hindsight. This behaviour is unacceptable from anyone! Best wishes.

Angie - posted on 06/14/2012

When I was almost 19, I moved in with my boyfriend, a 23 alcoholic...although I didn't realize at my young age how bad he was. I was fortunate over the next 8 or so years to never be physically abused, but the emotional abuse does as much damage. Looking back now, I don't know how my dad didn't drive to my home, pack up my bags, and get me out of there; instead he accepted my choice, was always there for me, and assured me I had a safe place whether it was for a night or more than a night. Sadly, it was something I had to figure out on my own, and I thought I could change him, I thought me & eventually our 2 kids would mean more than the alcohol. I finally made the break when the emotional abuse carried over to my 5 year old. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do except be there for her when she needs it. Try to trust the 19 years you raised her has given her the self-esteem to want better for herself because she deserves it. Since she is so defensive/protective of the boyfriend, maybe suggest grief counseling which she may be more receptive to, but could possibly pull her out of her fragile state. I'm not sure how long this relationship has lasted, but I will be hoping and praying for her sake and yours that it will be ending soon.

Kristin - posted on 06/14/2012

Since your daughter is an adult there is really not much you can do other than talk to her and be supportive. Ask her to please seek counselling and tell her she desrves someone who will treat her with respect. Unfortunately it is very hard to get out of an abusive relationship and most times the abuser has his victims so brain washed that it is difficult to get out of. Maybe ask your daughter to move back in with you and take her on a trip somewhere to help cut off contact. Or ask her to speak to other abused women and hopefully she will make the right decision. A lot of times women stay because they want to believe the man has changed which they havent or they are scared of what they may do if they leave. I wish you all the best of luck and you will be in my prayers. She is much to young to have to go through this and i hope she does leave him and have him charged.