My 19 yr. old daughter was recently raped and brutally sodomized by her 22 yr. old boyfriend...and she went back to do I get her to see that he is a sociopath?

Denise - posted on 06/14/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )




He got mad at her and has her convinced that she hurt his heart so he had to hurt her back. She is very emotionally fragile since the death of my nephew (who was run over by a car and killed a year and a half ago) and says that she "can't lose him (the boyfriend), too". She showed up at my door at 4 in the morning covered in vomit and feces and told me that he got mad at her because another boy was trying to kiss her. At the time, she told me that she had vomited and eliminated because she was so upset. I only found out the truth a few days ago. The boyfriend took her car, with her in it (yes, he had been drinking), and forced her to perform oral sex (during which she vomited) and then pulled over and sodomized her at a closed convenience store parking lot while asking her if it hurt and saying that he hopes it does because "that's how his heart is feeling right now". He then drove to his mother's home (where he lives), left her on the street, and told her that he never wanted to see her again. That is when she drove to my house. The following week was an emotional roller coaster with him telling her "you hurt me because I love you so much", "I never want to see your face again", "I just need time to figure it out", "my friends think that I should dump you and just go f... some other girl", "I realize that you mean so much to me"...etc.
I have called the battered women's shelter, the local police, and my daughter's Doctor. Basically, I can't do anything because "she's an adult" and she has to make a report. She is a victim of this manipulative sociopath who is systematically alienating her from all of her family and friends. I can't take it anymore...what should I do?


KATISHA - posted on 06/15/2012




Many times we as parents tend to overprotect our children from birth even to adulthood...and sometimes that can be a bit overbaring for the child...It is unfortunate that your daughter had to experience such a tragedy in life at such an early age, all ou can do is continue to support, encourage, and most of all be there for your daughter. I had a similar situation with my daughter we pressed charges, he was convicted did jail time, and we were issued a NO CONTACT ORDER OF PROTECTION..what good it did when 3 weeks later I discover she is back with him...driving his car....and God knows whatelse...yes it literally mademe sick but I had to let Go and Let God!!!!!unfortunately my daughter was murdered June 22, I dont still have mines to hold on to..but you there for her!!!!!!


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Louise - posted on 06/15/2012




This is so sad but unfortunately, there is not much that you can legally do, as you say, she is an adult. If this so-called boyfriend can do this to her, then tell her he loves her so much, what will he do to any children they may have...??.!! Maybe if she can think of a child she may have being hurt, she may decide to give up on the relationship. Foresight is so much better then Hindsight. This behaviour is unacceptable from anyone! Best wishes.

Angie - posted on 06/14/2012




When I was almost 19, I moved in with my boyfriend, a 23 alcoholic...although I didn't realize at my young age how bad he was. I was fortunate over the next 8 or so years to never be physically abused, but the emotional abuse does as much damage. Looking back now, I don't know how my dad didn't drive to my home, pack up my bags, and get me out of there; instead he accepted my choice, was always there for me, and assured me I had a safe place whether it was for a night or more than a night. Sadly, it was something I had to figure out on my own, and I thought I could change him, I thought me & eventually our 2 kids would mean more than the alcohol. I finally made the break when the emotional abuse carried over to my 5 year old. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do except be there for her when she needs it. Try to trust the 19 years you raised her has given her the self-esteem to want better for herself because she deserves it. Since she is so defensive/protective of the boyfriend, maybe suggest grief counseling which she may be more receptive to, but could possibly pull her out of her fragile state. I'm not sure how long this relationship has lasted, but I will be hoping and praying for her sake and yours that it will be ending soon.

Kristin - posted on 06/14/2012




Since your daughter is an adult there is really not much you can do other than talk to her and be supportive. Ask her to please seek counselling and tell her she desrves someone who will treat her with respect. Unfortunately it is very hard to get out of an abusive relationship and most times the abuser has his victims so brain washed that it is difficult to get out of. Maybe ask your daughter to move back in with you and take her on a trip somewhere to help cut off contact. Or ask her to speak to other abused women and hopefully she will make the right decision. A lot of times women stay because they want to believe the man has changed which they havent or they are scared of what they may do if they leave. I wish you all the best of luck and you will be in my prayers. She is much to young to have to go through this and i hope she does leave him and have him charged.

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