My 30 yr. old son is doing drugs, ICE I think. How can I help him..?

Lois - posted on 11/02/2013 ( 5 moms have responded )

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He has actually sold some of my husbands collectible knives. He was the best son you could ask for before all this. Whats the right thing to do?

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 11/04/2013

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You really can't. Quit allowing him into your home. Quit enabling him to steal from you. He's got to hit rock bottom and commit himself to rehab, or it won't work. You can love him all you want, and you do, but you can't fix this one.

Praying for you & yours...

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Susan - posted on 11/04/2013

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I am sorry to hear you are having such a distressing time. I can only imagine how painful this must be for you to watch and feel so helpless. I agree with the other comments here. He has to make the choice to do this for himself and right now, if he has chosen to be invested in drugs, then he is not the same person he was before. I would suggest, stay in touch and support him, but not enable him. Don't fool yourself into believing you can fix this, you can't. You need to be strong and hold strict and healthy boundaries for yourself, your family and your son. The hope is that he will reach a place where he realises he wants out and wants help. Perhaps, preparing for that time would be helpful for both of you. Contact a drugs centre and get as much support and info you can, so that you are equipped with the right knowledge when the time comes to support him in his recovery.

Randi - posted on 11/03/2013

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Hi Lois. We will never stop loving our children or worrying about them. here is no right answer. Have you gone o NARONON? It is for families of addicts.I stopped going but will always be welcomed back if I choose. I have 2 sons twins, both addicts. 1 recovering, not sure where the other one is in his recovery even though he lives under my roof. The other one moved out of state and is doing so well. he went through a 28 day program and was clean for a long time but relapsed. He no longer does heroin but I know he smokes pot. I am thankful for that. The one that is home went to a program but only stayed for 2 weeks his choice. rehab depleted our savings along with all the money and items stolen.....I have no gold left and one of the boys sold my mothers 2 carrot diamond for 200 dollars! I can go on and on. I just wanted to believe that it would all be alright. It wasn't until I started working on myself and loving myself and I CAME FIRST. Lois take care of yourself. It took me a long while to get to where I am. Laundry, a hot meal, some people say no. I did kick my son out and he lived on the street or at "friends " houses.....know that addicts have NO real friends. only other addicts....they just want someone to get high with ....not to hang out with.
some of my sons friends from NA say that he needs to be kicked out so he hits rock bottom (my son)....There is no right or wrong answer. I have to stop for now bu you can see I have stong feelings about this topic. Love yourself. Randi

Lois - posted on 11/03/2013

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Hi Randi, thanks so much for your reply. You are right..unfortunately we are passed the part where we realized he stole my husbands knife collection and would have my jewelry...but lucky for me it was "JUST" Costume Jewelry from MY MOTHER.. I was looking all over for it! CRIED a thousand tears when I realized what he was doing.I do realize HE has to want help and it is driving me crazy that I don't see him wanting it? I didn't understand too much about drugs, but am now getting a huge awakening to the powers that they have over someone. My son WAS a great guy.. honestly, EVERY ONE loved him. True.. he is NO LONGER the man I raised. I was letting him come over to wash clothes and sometime use phone? CRAZY.. I know. I am going to have a talk with him next time he comes by. I think the best thing to tell him is to NOT come by or call Unless is in program.. or THRU with one? What do you think?

Randi - posted on 11/02/2013

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you cant help him. he has got to help himself. You can kick him out before he steals all your jewelery, money , writes checks from ur check books etc....I know ...your son will never get that bad......Let me give u a dose of reality....ur son is not your son while he is drugging. he is not the boy u raised. hes a good kid who got into bad stuff. they are all good and smart but when the drugs take over .....he has to hit rock bottom and really want to get clean and sober. get into rehab and then visit the "Rooms" once or twice a day. be with sober friends doing sober thing and become involved in NA.
I am so sorry for you pain. I know it all to well.

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