My daughter and I got into one of our usual arguments because she lied and spoke to people online and gave them our home phone number. Well, the last 6 months before she left I thought she was fine and our relationship was finally starting to mature. We went on vacation for a week and she said she wanted to stay home because she's been trying to lose weight to go into the military (so we thought). I also know when I was 19 I wanted time by myself plus we spoke twice a day on the phone and she told me she loved me and I said so as well. We get home and within 2 days some stranger is calling the house. The first time she just hung up on him...I said,

Laura - posted on 09/07/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My daughter and I got into one of our usual arguments because she lied and spoke to people online and gave them our home phone number. Well, the last 6 months before she left I thought she was fine and our relationship was finally starting to mature. We went on vacation for a week and she said she wanted to stay home because she's been trying to lose weight to go into the military (so we thought). I also know when I was 19 I wanted time by myself plus we spoke twice a day on the phone and she told me she loved me and I said so as well. We get home and within 2 days some stranger is calling the house. The first time she just hung up on him...I said,"Who was that?" She said, "I don't know some stranger". The second time within minutes he called back again, I said "I'll answer it" and she yelled, "NO!" So she anwered it and stood there so I picked up the other line and this man kept repeating her name. I yelled and told him not to ever all call back again that this is our private line. Well, my daughter lost it and ran off with the clothes on her back. I figured she'd be back, but now she's living with strangers that are threatening us saying that we better hand over her social security and birth certificate or they will block our line. We still haven't heard anything from her personally. I try to forget it and to let her go, but she is my daughter and my family has always been my life and to just let her go like that is killing me!!!!!

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Francine956 - posted on 09/07/2012

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My heart goes out to you, Laura. As a mother I know how hurt you are. I am also an educator and know that young adults 18+ have a rude awakening after high school. During their high school years they still live at home and don't have to worry about a warm bed and food to eat. During this time they are trying to discover who they are and where they belong in the world. Sadly, if they get into the wrong group it will take them longer. This sounds like what has happened with your daughter. The only thing you can do is pray for her. When she does make contact with you let her know you love her and worry about her. Ask her if she is okay, ask her if you can get together for lunch or something. If she says no, accept it and let her know you understand. The worse thing to do is sound needy this will only push her further away.

As far as the birth certificate and ssc, if she wants it then tell these people she will have to come and get it. As far as them blocking your line I don't see how they would be able to do that, but in any case I would change my phone number. If your daughter really wants it then she will come to get it.

I hope this helps at least a little, it is hard to imagine how you must be feeling. But from one parent to another I do know how sad must be. My prayers will be with you and your family.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/10/2012

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Laura, just because you got an answer that said "she's got a right to do what she wants, she's 19" doesn't mean that the person posting that doesn't have kids, it means that, at the age of 18, in the US, she's an ADULT. Which means that she DOES have the right to do what she wants. It also means that she's not always going to make the best decisions, regardless of how she was brought up, because, well, she's human, therefore not perfect. Neither are you. If you think back, you probably made a few doozies for decisions at that age as well.



Now, if you are concerned that there's foul play, you can report her as missing, but again, they won't look at it as a missing CHILD, it will be an adult, and there are different requirements for declaring a missing person. If you know where she is, and have PROOF that there is illegal activity, then you can turn them in, and possibly get access to your daughter again.



Otherwise, all you can do is pray for her, and hope that she comes to her senses. She can go about getting her birth certificate, as well as a replacement SS card all on her own, by the way, because, again, she's 19.



Yes, I have kids, and yes, it's heartbreaking. But, the truth is the truth. Harsh or not, it doesn't change the fact that your 19 year old is considered an adult, and therefore able to make her own decisions.



Pray, girl, pray. And we'll be praying for you as well.

Laura - posted on 09/08/2012

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Thank you so much for your kind words. The first response I got from this was obviously some kid saying she has a right to do what she wants because she's nineteen. Obviously they don't have kids or they would realize as you do how every day I wake up and feel a hole in my heart and wish some way she would get a hold of me so we could have ended this in a much better way. I don't care is was 36...having a child walk out of your life forever is extremely traumatic!!!!!

This was the LAST thing I thought she would do. We tried and tried to get her into something to get her life going in the right direction, but she fought us the whole time. I feel so helpless and want to just hold her and tell her how wrong we both were and how it went out of control. If I'd have known that it would have gone this far I would have handled it a lot differently so I wouldn't have lost her. I did write her a long long letter apologizing about losing it, but because it happened so much I was at the end of my wits. I never got any reply and she has totally distanced herself from ALL of us. I miss her so much I feel numb inside and that is the worst feeling. I cry non-stop so obviously being on here spouting out my personal problems to others means I feel I have a long way to go until the pain subsides.

THANK YOU again for your input because I need to know what is going on and I'm not the only one that is going through this heart ache.

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