My daughter and sex

Sofia - posted on 06/12/2017 ( 5 moms have responded )

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Hi!
My 17th year old daughter just dropped a bomb on me, she has been going out with an 18th year old boy for 18 months now. She said to me a couple of hours ago "Can I ask you a question about sex with Jerry? or are you uncomfortable with that? I can go to my cousin Susy if you want " I didn't know what to say ! But I didn't want her to go to her cousin cause I don't trust Susy, so I said go ahead, so she said "Me and Jerry just tried for the first time to have sex but we couldn't, it hurt a lot and I was very uncomfortable " OMG !!! I stayed calm and my first question was "Are you using protection?" She said yes and then we talk some more. My husband and I have talked to her about sex many many times, about protection, risks, consequences, etc.....but right now I am freaking out. Am I suppost to be ok with this? What should I say or do ??? Help !!!

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Hope - posted on 06/17/2017

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Am I missing something? Why all the anxiety? First off, congrats to your daughter for waiting 18 MONTHS to have sex with her boyfriend. Yes, I understand that she isn't 18 yet, but come on, I was going to college at 17. Also, glad to hear she trusts you enough to confide in you that she IS having sex. So stay calm, be her mother and her friend, and give her the help and answers she is asking for. She sounds like a mature young woman who at least had the good sense to use protection.

Good luck.

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A difficult position for any parent. We all hope they will wait, but sometimes they think they have to try it for themselves. It sounds like you did a great job. She felt comfortable enough to talk to you, so that speaks volumes about your relationship with her. As part of the discussion, perhaps you can calmly but firmly let her know your preference regarding her having sex at 17, and remind her once again about protection and risks. If she has college planned, maybe mention that a baby would those plans. Hang in there mom, sometimes all that nagging works and they hear your voice in their head when they are facing big choices. Prayers that she hears you.

JoAnne - posted on 06/14/2017

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Holy goodness, I understand why you're freaking out. Pat on the back for you for staying calm during that conversation.

As a christian I am of the opinion that you should not be ok with this. Having said that I also believe you should not be judgmental. In your place I would make sure my daughter knows I love and support her unconditionally and she can come to me with anything and I will still love and support her, however I believe she should not be having sex with her boyfriend.

This article http://bit.ly/2s0VDdl might give you some good suggestions of things that will help you talk to your daughter. I also know that there are couples that do not even kiss before they are married. There is a country singer who did this, wish I could remember his name. But anyway there are definitely sound reasons and arguments for not having sex before marriage and a 17 year-old will most likely respond to facts and adult arguments so check out this article http://bit.ly/2sokmcj for help with that.

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