My daughter hates me!

J - posted on 02/01/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My daughter who is 17yrs. must just completely hate me! Up until about 8 months ago we were attached at the hip, we shared each others clothes and shoes and did just about everything together. In alot of ways we were best friends, altho it was always understood and respected that I AM still mom and it just totally works for us. She started babysitting and earning money and of course getting more independant but is really taking it too far. All of a suddon she has comepletly turned her back on me and wants to be emansipated! Any other moms going through something like this? I feel so alone and hurt!

Thanks for reading!

4 Comments

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Tracy - posted on 02/06/2013

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ok, I am in no way saying that I am right in my thoughts - just that it's worth thinking about and evaluating for yourself. So, here it goes... it's possible that the "friend" part of your relationship was more one-sided than you thought. Maybe your daughter felt you were always trying hard to be like her (or her age) by swapping clothes and always being together. It's possible that she's always wanted more space from you and either never made that clear or tried to and you didn't listen. Even if I'm completely wrong, it's still great advice that Mary gave to try to sit her down and LISTEN to her (as parents we often want to defend ourselves, but just listen to how she FEELS).

Now my mom and I were completely different and always at odds so my perspective may be different or off from your experience/relationship. Just, please, take the time to think to yourself if any of this could be true. If not, disregard it. If some of it could be true, then be sure to acknowledge this revelation to her and talk about how things can be different. I wish you both the best of luck. My mom and I have been at severe odds over many things over the years. I NEVER thought I would WANT to be around her - this started when I was probably 11 or so. Many times I have stopped speaking to her for months on end and even refused to let her know where I lived. I am 33 now and in the last few years we have gotten to a fantastic place and I actually kind of enjoy a hug from her (but don't tell her that! she's a hug addict! ) I say all this because if WE can get to a place of happiness with each other, then, from what I know of your story, I can't imagine how you guys won't find your way through this.

Mary - posted on 02/02/2013

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I think it's beautiful that you see the value in the connection that you have. Those bonds are what will make your relationship strong again! :)

J - posted on 02/02/2013

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Thank you so much for your incouraging words. I just instantly started crying, I think I really needed someone to talk to. So thank you!

Mary - posted on 02/02/2013

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Honey... give her her space Keep the communication open and the door... she'll come back! Promise! Don't try to be her friend, you are her mother and the greatest gift is the roots and wings we provide for them while they are living with us.
It's a natural process. Try setting up 1 day a month (or so) where you can take her out (NOTabout spending $, more about spending time) but focus on her likes. Then just be her ear. She may not even talk, so just go along... be excited about being with her but don't overdo.
She still loves you but is developing her independence from you. It's definitely a healthy process.

Keep offering healthy topics to discuss, healthy foods, habits etc. and things WILL work out.
:)

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