My daughter is so good at school but so mean and direspectful at home.

Julie - posted on 01/09/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My daughter is 15 years old, she is an honor roll student, a cheer leader, in a mentoring club and in a college prepatory club. NO doubt she is teachers pet in school. Teachers gush over how great she is and how they just love her. But wow.... at home she is mean. mean.. mean... and just recently it seems like she's is being a little meaner than usual. I have talked to her, I've cried to her, I've gotten mad at her, I've given her the slient treatment and even went to church to ask that she was prayed over. I am no way near as mean and disrepetful as she is and I just cant imagine that she is my kiddo... so cold hearted. When I talk to her or if she makes me cry she says I'm being too over dramatic and is not ever apologetic at all. When she wants something she'll tell me how she derseves it becasue she is a good kid... and she is, for the most part. I mean she doesnt ask to go out, she doesnt do a whole lot socially because she is always bogged down with homework, she is in advanced classes. She was doing her 14 year old sisters hair the other day and ( i was just told) she pulled her by her hair and said " You aint sh** B****" you're my sister... but thats it... your not S***" my lil one kept it from me because she said she knew I would get upset and that would just cause the mean one to get meaner with her when I'm not around.. (single mom). So i havent said anything.. but my heart feels broken.

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Sheri - posted on 01/09/2013

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That could be it. Its hard to suddenly feel like the outsider. And it will probably be a thing of anger, than an emotional time of sadness if she does end up losing the closeness with her friend. And at this age its hard to change groups of friends. Try to open the safe place of voicing her feelings to you so she isn't taking them out on you instead. This will help keep her little sister from suffering the wrath too. Tell her she can unload on you without you offering advice. It's hard, but unless she asks don't offer any.

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Julie - posted on 01/09/2013

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Thanks Sheri! You know, you may have just hit the nail on the head. She mentioned to me the other day that she felt her closest friend was leaning more towards another mutual friend. But thats because they go to house parties... and I DONT ALLOW house parties...ever.

Sheri - posted on 01/09/2013

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Honestly this sounds more like a cry for help. The sad part about being teen in todays world is that it is very vicious. I bet there are other girls giving her a hard time at school. And the only 'safe' place for her to take out her stress and anger is at home. She can be mean and frustrated at you and her sister without being hated. The pressure of high school is enough. Add to that the extras she is involved in and she probably feels like she is drowning with the weight of the world. I would suggest you get her into counseling. She probably just needs to talk this out. More important you need to tell her that you understand. For the first hour my daughter comes home from school I call it the decompression hour. It is the time for her to yell, scream, complain, call people names, tell me stories, hate on teachers and students, etc. Whatever has stressed her about her day that she had to keep inside because you can't just say things to people or about people. I don't want her to say things about one friend to another or about her teachers to other students out of stress or anger. Thats how rumors start. So she comes and just talks a million miles an hour about anything that is bugging her. I have heard it all. From her skanky skirt shows to much to my science teacher is a wench. Whatever it is I don't judge and don't reprimand. Let her get her feelings out. Then its done and she feels better. My husband doesn't understand it and it confuses him. When my daughter walks in the door screams crazy things, stomps to her room, and comes back 20 mins later happy. But it has worked for her. The only other thing I would look for if this is a new behavior would be drugs. A change in behavior including aggression can be a sign of drugs. The younger sister mights be your best view inside your daughters world. Good luck!

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