My Daughter moved out (she's 19) with no warning

Renee - posted on 02/05/2010 ( 11 moms have responded )

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I'm hurt, angry but still love her and want to support her (mentally)....Part of me wants her to learn on her own---part of me is waiting for her to ask to move back home. I feel lost and confused....She says it's not because of me but because of her step father (which is the only father she's grown up with).....yet I don't see how he's worse than me (if a childs eyes)....We expected her to follow rules and she did...but usually stuff like chores we still had to tell her to do them over and over......HELP

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Hi Lenora, I can't offer advice because I myself am at a lost dealing with my 20 year old daughter who's causing me sleeples nights and i literally cry every single day. I feel your pain however and offering my thoughts and prayers that things will get better for you. I wish that there's an easier way to let go..here's a prayer for you and all the mom's who's going through this:



I pray you'll be my eyes

And watch her where she goes

And help her to be wise

Help me to let go



Every mother's prayer

Every child knows

Lead her to a place

Guide her with your grace

To a place where she'll be safe

Donna - posted on 02/05/2010

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Renee, i'm going through the exact same thing. My first hubby took off on me when my daughter was 7 and my son 3 years old.From the day he did this my first and number one priority was my kids. My daughter just turned 18 and my son 14, she is going out with a really nice guy who is 2 years older, we had a verbal argument in October last year and she went and stayed at the boyfriends parents house. Instead of the other mum encouraging her to come home/sit down together and sort it out- they are enabling her to stay because she is doing cooking,vacuuming,washing,dishes etc. all the stuff she wouldn't do for me at their house. I am really proud of her despite all the crap she has succeeded in getting her first uni preference. my daughter is an independant soul and stubborn - I worry continually about her- the answers i regularly receive from friends is "let her go", "takes about 18 months for them to get it","keep the lines of communication open","invite for dinner once a week/treat her as an adult", "don't ride her" Unfortunately the way the law is- we have no control. I hope this may help- Good luck to you both- I hope you can find common ground-something i'm yet to achieve! take care

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Lenora - posted on 09/11/2012

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hello to all i feel so hurt my daughter left and she never contect me to say good bye she got all her emails and she has not talk to any one in the family i dont understand it

Lenora - posted on 08/30/2012

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My Daughter moved out (she's 24 with no warning i dont know what to say she never called me took her phone and email off i dont understand we wake up i iron help her get out and i suport her anything she wanted i was a mother frist then a friend i has love her but this is a big hurt sorry i cant even wright too hurt

Donna - posted on 02/20/2010

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Renee, Hope all is well! How did the dinner go? Just wanted to update you on my daughter - she and 3 friends moved in together Saturday just gone- and to my surprise she is the most practical out of all of them! even connecting the washing machine up!, she invited me for afternoon tea and when i went to wash my cup out,she said"mum I didn't invite you round to do the dishes-just wanted to catch up with you!" too funny! she has also made a job chart for all four of them- Just like I use- it is also funny hearing how annoyed she is that this person doesn't clean up after themselves etc. I don't believe it will last to long. :-)

Tina - posted on 02/09/2010

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Renee, sounds like she is trying to find her own way. She may have done it the wrong way, but hopefully she understands she left with some hurt feelings and is now trying to mend the fences...It is so hard when our children decide to leave the nest. I wish you the best of luck...I still have 2 living at home and am dreading the day they decide to leave.

Lydia - posted on 02/07/2010

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i will not lie and say i know exactly where you are coming from, yet as a parent i can empathize. you love your daughter and she loves you. the best you can do is let her know that you will always be there for her and let her find her own way in the world.

Sharon - posted on 02/06/2010

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She's an adult wanting to be one over 18 doesn't want to be in mommmys house obeying rules -it is a good thing she wants to be out on her own-she will respect you more if you let her be an adult....

Angie - posted on 02/05/2010

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It sounds like you have raised a daughter who has grown up and become independent. I know her sudden leaving was hard on you, and I'm sorry for that. But be proud of yourself for raising a daughter who can be on her own!

Renee - posted on 02/05/2010

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yeah I think the boyfriends mom was enabling too----for this I just can't talk to her right now---too angry as I would of handled it differently.....My daughter came over today and we had a good 4 hrs together....I shared my feelings....then I asked her to write a letter to her father....she wrote "I'm sorry for how I left...I love you and I'll see you on Friday for dinner"---he cried when he read it....I'm proud of her for writing it cause I think she needed to tell him that and he needed to hear it.....We are having dinner on Friday for one of my son's b-days....so it will be nice to have us all together again.



Thanks for sharing your story....it's hard for me cause all my close friends have littler ones and haven't had to go through this yet.

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