My ex is professional manipulater

Judy 💋🙏 - posted on 01/29/2015 ( 7 moms have responded )

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My 12 year old daugjter (middle child) had gone off to love with her dad after he abandoned us for the 3rd time. She now feels that it's all my fault and he left becuase of me. He did the same thing to his first family. He's a narcissist and has nothing to lose now. He is ruining her life and I see the decline in her goals, self esteem and her whole life. She's lost and I'm the only parent who sees it He sees a child who can't stand her mom And conveniently supports all of this. He has her reporting to him everything we say to eachother. When I do spend time with her he calls her Nd texts her the ENTIRE time. He lets up when he sees her disrespecting me. Then he knwis she's still his. They are gunning for my 11 year old son. My 20 year old daufhter sees through him and has decided not to communicate with him until he stops the charade. But all it did was sever the relationship between my daughters. He has turned her against her sister. My son is better when he's with me. But when he Cones home from his dad's house he talks like a gangster and had very little respect nd acts narrow minded. It's a reflection of his father. I am fighting so hard not to allow it. It's an undying battle that I struggle with daily. Exactly what my ex wants for not wanting him anymore and not standing for his abuse.

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Martha - posted on 02/06/2015

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Sounds like you are the only one thinking in your kids best interests. Keep it up, let them know you love them and be there for them. That's really all you can do. They will eventually understand. You can't control what anyone else says or does. Only you, that's the power you have. Sad for the kids, good luck.

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Raye - posted on 02/04/2015

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Judy, so many parents are so self-absorbed that they only worry about themselves and not what's best for their kids. They shuffle them around like pawns on a chess board trying to use them to get back at someone or they spoil them rotten so the other parent has to deal with trying to enforce rules and looks like the bad guy. It's so stupid, and it does hurt the kids. The kids are innocent victims that just need love and for parents to actually act like adults and do what's best for them.

Why does it happen? Any number of reasons. Each case seems to have a different driving force for the stupidity. And if anyone had the answers on a sure-fire fix to make a parent wake up and realize the damage they're doing, then that person would be rich and there would be a lot better parents in the world. It's just not possible for some people to get their head out of their ass long enough to think about anything other than themselves. It's so sad.

Judy 💋🙏 - posted on 02/03/2015

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Thank you Raye. That was much more compassionate and well thought out. More of what a struggling mom needs. I do agree that this does happen a lot to good women. The question is why? And how do I make it stop without always having to go into a courtroom. It's such a negative forum. Maybe if she could figure a different way of approaching situations that involve such hatred it would be easier to accept certain areas. Why do people choose to hurt their children for personal gain and ego? What is it that makes that kind of insanity tick?

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/03/2015

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Really? You post something that really doesn't make a lot of sense and looks like you're venting.

THEN you proceed to bitch about the 'lack of support', so I replied.

So, my dear prima dona, what did YOU find so damned judgmental? FACT: Your post did not ask for support or advice, your post was bitching about your ex.
Assumption: No one responded, because no one knew what the heck you were looking for.

FACT: If you actually state: Hey, I need support/advice/input...people will respond.

My support/opinion: Your ex is an ass, and your kids (and most likely yourself as well) will probably need counseling to help you cope.

Again: Where's the judgmental part?

You're friggin hilarious. What did you want? Us to 'posse up' and head out with a lynch mob for your ex's house?

Judy 💋🙏 - posted on 02/03/2015

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That was pretty judge mental and narrow minded. Good luck to you as well

Raye - posted on 02/03/2015

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Shawnn's right. This message board doesn't always show every unanswered post. Sometimes we have to dig to find them. Also, you don't really ask for any specific advice.

Your situation sucks. Sorry to hear about it. Your kids are having a disservice done to them because their father is a childish asshole. It happens more than you know, but that doesn't make anything better. All you can do is do your best. Try not to play his games. Go to court and get custody/visitation rules established and take him back to court for contempt if he doesn't follow them.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/02/2015

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1) You can't expect instant answers.
2) Perhaps, if you'd asked for advice, we'd have posted.

This looks like a post to vent about what's going on. If you want support and advice...well, let us know that!

As it stands, based strictly on what you've posted, I'd say that your kids need to be in counseling, your ex needs to be looked at for potential parental alienation, and perhaps you'd do well with some therapy as well.

Good luck.

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