my ex undermines every thing i have tried to do with my son .now he has moved to his dads wanders the streets at all hours with a bunch of lowlifes no rules , consequences or supervision 17 years of my life thrown away.

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Sarah - posted on 11/22/2013

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M Not an easy situation...been there in various degrees. If I can preface this with a side note to what I'm going to say; I'm not judging, criticizing or of any opinion other than you are absolutely wrong in believing you wasted your time dedicating 17 years to your son-often, I would think, placing your needs and preferences on the back burner to make sure you gave him your best. You did this throughout his formative years and he has that as a solid foundation. Give yourself some credit. As far as the father goes: regardless of the circumstances you are still your sons mother. Whether the father agrees, welcomes, objects to your parenting you have a responsibility to ensure your sons safety. If you don't agree with what he is allowed to do at his fathers voice your concerns for his safety - not because you don't trust him but you know what is out there and there are better choices available. There is absolutely no reason any 17 year old should be allowed to roam the streets....what's the point! It sounds like he may be living with dad because he has unlimited freedom...and his father has no idea how to raise or prepare your son for his future so its just easy to be a buddy dad and full access to the remote.
If his father isn't going to do his job you have every right to step in and do what you can-regardless of who likes it. If your ex is anything like mine your disapproval will humor him and he will get satisfaction from your frustration and worry. Should this be the case there are other options. If his curfew is 10 and you haven't been able to reach him or father to confirm at 10:15 call again and convey the message you are contacting the police because you are worried and your son is late then call the police and report him missing. When they find him they will bring him home and discuss the issue with his father who will have spoken to you or have a voice msg or text of you informing him of both worry and intent to call. The police will discuss the issue...learn that your ex does not respect your wishes and has no regard for his safety. Your son will get the msg that you aren't messing around and you have options at your disposal. The cops will ask him/his friends what they are up to any why they need to be roaming the streets and more than likely point out its a really stupid idea. You don't need anyone's permission or approval to take care of your son...and if anything happens that could have been avoided you are the one who has to live with it. When he grows up in 5-8 years he will thank you and appreciate the lengths you were willing to go to for him...until then he needs you to show him the right way...not the irresponsible clueless lazy delusional method adopted by his father. Go get em' !!!

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