my girl does not talk to me. .. teen going on 18

Cari - posted on 01/20/2014 ( 6 moms have responded )

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Honor student, no drugs ever! she is the president of clubs at school bright girl. but she has something against me or is it the age? any feed backs from moms! I live for her I do not even date, I am a full time realtor working hard and smart for us... Please tell me how to handle this. and she says "SHUT UP" TO ME and at times she says "you are an ediot" she never says bad words but abusive! . with me . I have given her all!.. even private school for high school.. she has all my love and all she needs.. now she is applying to go to colleges. I feel sad and drained emotionally, of the way she treats me. This weekend not one word to me. I have decided not to buy her "one" thing until she respects and talks to me. Any feed back please!.... thank you

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Cari - posted on 01/21/2014

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Excuse my grammar errors.. running out to walk for one hour then I start my day! I will check your response Later.
for Boundaries at 18 that's it. she is 18 in April!

Cari - posted on 01/21/2014

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Thank you. She has a tough personality. Chet. When she was 13 she called family and children services. The man that came out he was laughing at the situation, apparently she called or had someone call that I do not feed her or let her out. She is a model child, she eats all foods, Chinese, Italian, Greek, I cook she has it all in the refrigerator it was a joke that she did that.!. I am super hurt by her actions. Chet I really think I should focus on me ! and my real estate and let her come to me when she needs me, no idea what else to do, she is very herself, her own person and not loving towards me. I do not get it at all.
But, yes! what you said its true she is strong and knows what she wants, and heading the right direction her friends some have a gpa of 5.1 they are top kids intellectuals with her friends she never gave me issues a great girl that way. I truly think she is disappointed that I did not finish a career, no idea! it is hurtful and lonely to have a daughter that dosent share with me. this started at 13 and she is going on 18 in April.

Chet you seem to have experience at 18 , I need to set boundaries of being home and calling me letting me know where she is at.
At 18 it gives them wings!. I want her to grow and be her own person and succeed but she at times do not answer her phone, she is a great girl she does it just because. to get to me. I guess. Not easy!. My sisters live in Italy I am alone here its me and her. Not easy.! thank god I am self employed I am there for her always.!

She wants to live in the dorms. and that truly scares me.. !
We will see what scholarships she gets if it cover those costs...

Chet - posted on 01/20/2014

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No grown children - four young ones. I've lectured at several universities and had lots of experience working with 17 to 20 year olds though. I also lived in university residence for six years and have heard lots of complaints from young adults about their parents.

Based on the fact that your daughter is doing well in school, preparing to go to college, and successful in extra curricular activities, my guess is that she knows how to behave and how to treat people. Taking her cell phone away is not likely to help your situation.

This is most likely about problems in your relationship. You don't solve a relationship problem by taking someone's cell phone away. You actually need to connect with them.

You believe that you have given your daughter everything, done everything right and don't deserve this, but you need to address what she believes.

I don't know how you do that if your daughter isn't speaking to you. Maybe there is someone who knows your daughter well and who can give you some insight. Maybe you can reach your daughter by opening yourself up and making it clear that you are really ready to hear her and work things out. I don't know.

Cari - posted on 01/20/2014

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Do you have children, it sounds to me you have grown children right? this is the feeling I got from your reply

Cari - posted on 01/20/2014

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Hi. thanks for answering I like your answer. I THOUGHT of that too . college and growing up applying for college. its a lot on her. but she does not have to be cruel.! yes I have given her love always here for her. what I meant to say she has had all also .. meaning obvious material things and love as a single mom I have done top notch.. I hope she grows out of this. I took her cell away .. no idea what to do anymore! if I should take it or not.. no idea.. otherwise she is awesome in school and a leader.

Chet - posted on 01/20/2014

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Is it possible that she is looking for space and independence and isn't doing a very good job at expressing that? It's normal for kids to push away from family at this age, and some kids push really hard. They aren't in a mindset of appreciation, they're in a mindset of not wanting to be parented any more.

Is it possible she has insecurities and fears and you are the only person she trusts enough to lash out at? Sometimes kids and teens take things out on their family because their family is the only thing they trust to always be there.

I don't know if you intended this, but your post seems to focus a lot of material things... all that you have given your daughter and how you won't buy her anything until she treats you better. I would be sure to focus on genuine love, support and understanding when if comes to your relationship with your daughter and not material things.

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