My girlfriends daughter is the anti christ!

Santos - posted on 02/20/2015 ( 11 moms have responded )

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Ive recently moved in with my lady of two yrs. Her 12 yr old daughter has given her nothing but trouble even before we started going out. However, I just didn't realize how bad she was untill I moved in. She constantly degrades her mother everytime she opens her mouth. The language and venom that spews from her mouth is unconscionable. She enjoys starting physical fights with her older sister and her boyfriend when she gets bored. To the point that I have had to physically keep the boyfriend from assaulting the girl. Then there is her lifestyle. SHE DOES ABSOLUTLEY NOTHING! Im not kidding. Her mother does everything for her. And still she runs her mouth. She won't bath, change her clothes, clean up after herself. Her room looks like a dumpster! She is the laziest child I have ever met! She refuses to even flush the toilet after she uses it! Everytime - All the time! She gets home from school and plops on the sofa and stuffs her face. She is 4"10 and about 225 lbs. At 10 pm when the daily fight starts about her bed time. Which ussually goes to 12 am or so. My lady is at her witts end. And so am I. I have 3 boys that I cannot allow to come visit because of her. I wont have it. EVERYTHING I HAVE SAID IS 100% TRUE. IN FACT I HAD TO SUGAR COAT MOST OF IT. WE NEED SOME ADVICE. THANKS.

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Jill - posted on 02/23/2015

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Also, with regards to her weight. She needs a medical doctor. A child so young at that weight most likely has at least Metabolic Syndrome (Stage 3) and probably is already undiagnosed Type 2 Diabetes Mellitus. She may also have a severely messed up thyroid situation. I am not a doctor, but I am a health coach, and when kids are this problematic, it is often medical.

The first thing that should be tackled is her diet. She needs to get out of Hyperphagia mode (uncontrolled hunger). To do this, she needs to be taken off sugar and simple carbohydrates. She will be a bear for a week while she goes through the sugar detox. Just understand she will have extreme headaches and her hormones will be even more chaotic. You need to know she probably CAN'T control herself while this is going on in her body. Her sugar cravings will be unbearable for her. When I had to deal with this problem in my own life, I studied the teachings of Dr. Ray Strand. I recommend you look him up.

Jill - posted on 02/23/2015

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You have a medical problem. Sounds like extreme hormonal imbalance with depression manifesting as anger and violence. That girl needs a highly-qualified psychiatrist (get 2 or 3 opinions if you need to, but don't settle for a quack) and some drugs (antidepressants or anti-psychotics).

Please know that as a stress management consultant and life coach, with 30 years experience with children and youth, I almost never recommend this treatment method because I think drugs are way over prescribed and there are so many other solutions such as Michael Brandwein's L.A.S.E.R.B.E.A.M. method or James and Janet Lehman's "The Total Transformation Program." However, a child who won't flush or shower, in addition to everything else you mentioned is in dire straits and needs significant intervention. Please get her the help she needs as soon as possible. It is a short path from where you say she is to either the legal system or the path to suicide. Good luck!

[deleted account]

You are so welcome!
We really hope it helps even just a little! We are by no means the "perfect" parents and stumbled a LOT ... AND we have had our share of troubles too.
Raising the kids was a definitely an experience! Still IS! So glad we are almost empty nesters. Ha

Good luck!!

[deleted account]

Santos,

Just read your story. WOW! 12 years old is WAY young to already be behaving like this. Usually, the bad attitudes & mouthing start around 14 (I know ....I have a 19 year old girl and 4 stepsons in their 20's). I would NORMALLY say it "will get better eventually" .... However, it totally sounds like the 12 year old has issues beyond normal "terrible teen syndrome!"
So...what to do?? I am actually sitting here with my Husband & I read everything to him also so the advice given is from BOTH of us! :0)
My Husband says: " It's a proven fact that hormones kick in during the teen years which we called all of our kids "Mean-agers" during their teen years. My husband thinks the 12 years olds hormones have kicked in sooner than expected! It's also a proven fact that kids in their teens have a chemical imbalance BECAUSE of these hormones! Some kids and their parents are fortunate enough to blissfully sail through the teen years.... While the rest of us have to trudge along, scrape and hold on for dear life to get through it!!
What I want to say is .... Santos, you mentioned her weight. I wonder if THAT is why she is so pissed all the time? Her confidence level sounds low and so maybe she thinks the only thing she CAN control right now is her family. She may also resent you moving in and she is "testing" you. After all, of she treats you like garbage and you stay with her Mother... Then you "pass the test!" Has her Mom had other relationships that did not last because of this girl?
Lastly, my own Daughter really escalated in her "nasty mood swings" at 14. She evened out at 16. But it was two years of hell & it's exhausting! I know you don't want to hear it "gets better"..... But it really does. EVENTUALLY! My daughter is now 19 and in college but the teen years? Oh I am soooooo glad ours are over! It is hard.
I really do believe the weight is at least partially the issue. Need to pin her down & find out if anyone is bullying her about it because she might be taking out her frustrations on you guys.
I am just throwing out ideas and we feel for you!! Btw... My Husband & I like the "contingency" plan you have worked the best! At the very least make her stay with her Dad for a month and give yourselves a break?
Keep us posted & best of luck!! :0)

Santos - posted on 02/21/2015

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We lived 3 hours away from each other. Saw each other every weekend. Met both girls early on. One is very well adjusted to the world and the troubled child refuses to accept the realities of life. She wants it her way and will attack anyone that gets in her way. I have tried to get to know her and tried to get her to understand how things are in the world. That has gotten me cursed out, laughed at and spit on. There is something definitley wrong with her and has been to specialists. But, her complete unwillingness to cooperate and the fact that she honestly thinks she does nothing wrong has caused even the professionals to throw up their hands in frustration. Personally i think she needs a good spanking but thats not my call. So??? What to do???

Santos - posted on 02/20/2015

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Trust me. I have a contingency plan in the works. I found her fathers number and just told him to expect a 12 yr on his door step in the very near future and if not , what i am paying for bills here I can get a nice apartment. Before i do what my mother did to me the one time i got disrespectful. Like looking for my teeth.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/20/2015

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Santos, it sounds as if you have your parenting hat on straight, but your gf sounds like a loser raising entitled brats. Unfortunately, if she doesn't see a problem with the behaviour, she'll continue to enable it.

Were I you (or the lesbian version of you) I'd hit the door FAST, and be thankful that my kids aren't that way!

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