My Good Daughter Cusses to her friends!

Maria - posted on 02/07/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )




My 11 years old daughter acts like a teen sometimes when it comes to rebelling or that she does not really listen. She gets grounded for breaking the rules about 3 times a month (average). Don't take this wrong but she is the most wonderful girl with a big heart, she is a honor roll student and she loves reading, writing, and poems, but there are some things I don't understand her. Like if she gets mad, she stays silence longer than I could bare for. Or she talks a lot on IPOD and refuses to allow me to see on her IPOD, only if she would like to share, she would. Sometimes she keeps the topics on surfaces, and when she is with her friends, she talks whatever it is. Sometimes she talks a lot with us... She goes on and off these days. Til recently, I took her IPOD and discovered something that shocked me. Why did she cuss a lot to her friends?? She surely didn't sound like the same daughter as I know. I got really nervous when I read her conversations with friends. She even had good topics with them, but in some times when she sounded like upset or mad, she cusses like 18 years old!! Please help what or how I can talk to her without her rebelling? I am afraid if she keeps talking like that will turn out to be a different person and makes wrong decisions in her life! This worries me a lot. Does it happen the same to any of your kids that are at 10-13 years old that cuss a lot which is NOT necessary? Did you encourage them to not doing that and how did you do that? I appreciate your feedback and advices in advance. Thank you.


♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/07/2013




**Ditto what Kristi said**

With an addendum: Teenagers curse. They pretty much all do it. Not each and every one, by any means, but the majority do. They won't do it around you, because they know that they aren't supposed to cuss, but as soon as they're out the door, the Fbomb drops, or the rest of the "sailor" language is experimented with. Why? Because they hear adults (not necessarily their parents) and older kids doing it, and they sound COOL!!! (or at least the kids think they do)

I went through that stage too. I don't think my mother realized that. She thought I was the sweetest, most innocent thing on earth...until my younger brother (9 at the time) called me a f*n Bitch, and she overheard him...and all hell broke loose (she thought I'd taught him that). It's a kid thing. As trite and annoying as that is for me to say, it truly is.

I worked on the school playground. The 6th graders would cuss when they didn't think the monitors were around. I've worked in middle schools, and high schools, and they all think that they're badass when they drop the fbomb.

Like Kristi, my kids and I just look at each other, and comment "ah, maturity is wonderful". And I'm not above making sure the kids in question hear the sarcasm and see the disapproving usually embarrasses them enough to shut them least for a bit.

Kristi - posted on 02/07/2013




Hi Maria!

It sounds like you need to choose your battles with your daughter. Since she is doing so well in school and has good hobbies you might want to let some smaller things go.

My daughter is 13 1/2 and either I have full access to all her accounts or she doesn't have them. I don't check them all the time because I do trust her and I want her to know that. But, we have to be vigilant when it comes to protecting our children. You might encourage her to have her friends come over so you can get to know them better. Plus, they tend to forget you're around and you can learn a lot just by listening in. ; )

As for the cursing, I doubt it will lead her to make other bad decisions. I started cursing when I was her age because I heard some older kids doing it and I wanted them to think I was cool, I had also just moved there so I didn't have any new friends yet. Most people who curse even a little bit, curse worse when they are angry or upset by something.

I just had a talk with my daughter about cursing last week. She is a good student and is involved in two sports almost all year around and she volunteers a couple times a month. I know kids swear. I told her I didn't care if she was in a little group of friends out of earshot of any adults if she dropped a few cuss words. I said if we were at home or in the car, just the two of us, I didn't care if a swear word or two slipped out. If I ever heard her in public, like she and I have some teens, I would ground her and probably wash her mouth out with soap. I said the same would apply if she cursed at or in front of a teacher or any other adult. So far, she still has yet to even say damn in front of me. I've never seen her swear on FB or Instagram or in texts. I don't think I would have given my approval of this at age 11 though.

I might suggest that she has to turn in her iPod at bedtime. If you are very worried about her cursing and want to try and break the habit, tell her when she is caught swearing she will lose her iPod for the next day. If one day doesn't work, try bumping it up to two days. If you hear her and her friends cussing, record them and then play it back to her. If they don't, make a tape of you and your friends doing it. I still curse, not anywhere near like what I used to but when my daughter and I hear a bunch of kids or even adults cursing out loud in a store, we just look at each other and say "classy." I think to myself how disgusting it sounds and try to remember that next time I'm about to drop an F-Bomb. Hopefully, your daughter will feel the same way once she hears how horrible it really sounds.

I'm sorry for such a long post. I hope some of this helps. I know cursing is not something we want our kids to do. But, realistically, they are just words. She is a great kid, as you said yourself. She's not getting into trouble or God forbid, having sex, doing drugs, etc like many kids her age already are. I hope you are able to resolve this soon for your peace of mind.

Rachel - posted on 02/07/2013




i have two teenage boys. They make great grades,very respectful,willing to help.Even though there hormones are wacky right now ,there kool kids to be around.They dont use foul language until there dad isn't around.Me and my boys can be in the car driving and there little dirty mouths come out.The oldest is cursing the youngest.There not fighting,just cursing.I'm to blame for some of that because I also curse.It's kinda a shocker because they only do it when were driving and there dad is not with us.. I see it like this,there growing up and they pick up on everything.They do there chores,homework and make A's and B's. Like i said the cursing is not a all the time thing.If my son would'nt show me what he"s texting to his friends on the XBOX,Tablet,or i-pod,I would be concerned like you are.Parental Controls.. These little electronics kids have today are a luxury.. Remind them of that.I dont ground my boys,i just take away there favorite things,until I've got my point across..Today generation of children is sooo different,but i stay ol'skool in this area because one day it will pay off..


View replies by

Maria - posted on 03/28/2013




Thank you everyone for the great posts!

Finally, I am back after about almost 2 months later! LOL

Regarding to this post, I have talked with my daughter about how I felt with her cussing to her friends in such a cruel tone. She understood (hopefully) and I am allowed to see what is up on her IPOD without sneaking it because I don't like doing that. I want her to be aware that I can access it as I like. If I see that I don't like it, I will ask her before get all rile up. She can be very mature at explaining and she always makes sure to calm me down.

If she is guilty, she goes silence, and that is the answer and her allowance I will take away.

So far, she does well, and doesn't cuss so cruel. Probably like you guys say "damn" or "What the heck" I let them slide away even it is hard for me. I take practices and accept.

She is only my child and I love her.

:) again, thank you to help me understand her bette.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms