My kids are acting more like i'm a friend instead of their mom

Melyssa - posted on 04/12/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I have four kids and their dad ended up in prison 5 months ago. So now they think I'm more of a friend then their mom. I'm not sure what to do. I'm trying to raise them the best I can and still have their respect. They don't do this all the time just when it comes to chores. Any ideas how I can get them to help around the house more as a family?

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Maddie - posted on 04/13/2013

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Hi Melyssa,

Sorry to hear about the kids' dad.

Regarding your issue, if you can afford giving them a monthly allowance, you can tell them that receiving it is contingent upon them completing their chores. You can deduct a certain amount each time a chore is missed or when they don't do a chore that you ask them to do. If you are asking on the spot (versus based on a schedule), you could say "Complete the chore before bedtime" or whatever time you choose, so they can have some flexibility as to when it's done--unless you need it done "now."

In any case, they get all their allowance if they do all their chores, the get less allowance when they skip chores, or disobey your directive to do it "now."

If allowance won't work, you could let them know that things they like to do happen after chores are done (watching TV, hanging with friends, using the computer, using the phone, playing with toys, etc)

I can't deal with complicated schedules. We've got three teens, so told them to divvy up the days of the week and each one has two days designated as their day to do the laundry and wash the dishes (all day). If someone misses doing one or both of these on their days, they get less allowance.

The key to making this work is sticking to your word.

Also, the "Empowering Parents" website has lots of great parenting tips http://www.empoweringparents.com/.

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Melyssa - posted on 04/13/2013

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Thank you so much. That helps alot. I'm going to try this and see if it helps.

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