My Mom is Absolutely Psycho and Needs help

[deleted account] ( 8 moms have responded )

Yes I know I have a girl's name. I made it up because I'm not a mom and it's a mom's site. Sorry for the confusion. lolSo I know I'm not a parent but I came across this site and figured I'd ask for some opinions. I am 18 years old, I have always been extremely respectful to my mom (who is a single parent). I never lied to her, always done what she has asked, never mouthed off to her that I can remember, help out around the house and take care of my little sisters. Myself and my mom and sisters (5, 9, and 13) are all Christians. It wasn't until I turned 18 that I realized how controlling my mom really was. And by controlling, I mean out of control. It first started with her overreacting to me changing my facebook email to my own email (instead of hers), when I turned 18 because I didn't want it to be her name on the email. She got really pissed off (for lack of a better description), I didn't change it back but I just let her complain about it until she let it go. Then I started hanging out with this girl (who is also 18) from my church. I've known her for a long time and at the time recently started to get to know her. Everyone at the church only had good things to say about her. She was really involved with the church (an amazing piano player/singer/ worship team member), she had even preached at the youth group before. She is extremely talented with poetry and spoken word and definitely following after God. (For those of you who aren't Christians let's just say she is a really good person.) She is extremely nice, non-judgemental and kind to everyone. Anyways, the first time my mom realized I was talking to a girl she didn't know she automatically got really upset with me when I asked her if I could give this girl a ride to a church camp where all the leaders were going to a couple weeks before too check it out and pray over the camp. I thought it wouldn't be a problem (because both of us are adults and we were just friends and both of us wanting to set examples for students in the youth group), but she got really upset and assumed that something "bad" would happen. So I just decided to respect her decision (even though I could have just picked the girl up anyways) and instead had her follow me in her car because she didn't know how to get there and I did. A couple days later a family friend and the girl came over to my house to meet my mom so she would be comfortable with me hanging out with her and we wanted to honor my mom. After the day is over, which the girl spent with me and my family, played with my little sisters (all of which loved her), my youngest sister even colored her a picture and gave it to her, my mom tells me she doesn't like the girl. I asked her why and she just goes "I don't know, she's aggressive and manipulative." Both of which this girl is not at all. So over the next few weeks my mom convinced my oldest sister to hate the girl, kept logging into my facebook and reading all my messages and texts, won't ever let me hang out with her, (which I respected even though I am an adult and her accusations and requests were outrageous and completely insane.) She refused to get to know this girl, wrote in her blog that she had no class and was going to distract me from following after God. This girl happens to be heading in the same direction in life, the same ministry (worship and youth), the same goals and is the exact opposite of what my mom says. Everyone who knows this girl is confused at my mom and think that my mom is crazy. So almost two months ago my mom actually kicked me out for continuing to talk to this girl. She then proceeded to move to Texas without me and took my sisters, won't tell me where they are and left me homeless. I moved into an RV that had mold and rats and couldn't find any other place to go and finally the girls family welcomed me into their home and I am now living on the couch. Her parents set clear boundaries which we follow, I sleep on a different floor than the girl, I was just able to get a job because her house is within walking distance from local business's and now I am working on getting my own place. My mom, after moving has since then spread hateful things about the girl and me, she tells everyone that I am her son and she loves me (but to me she says I'm not her son, that I'm dead to her, and that I am a monster). She convinced my 9 year old sister to not talk to me. Now only my 5 year old sister will. She spent a whole month posting evil, nasty lies about this girl. She said that she was demon possessed, a whore, a liar, and compared her to Delilah and Jezebel in the bible. She said that me and her are in an adulterous relationship and that we're having sex. We aren't having sex at all. We decided to be in a relationship and that won't ever happen until we are married. And the only reason I am with her family and her is because I have no place else to go. But when I do and can afford it and find roommates I will be leaving. My mom is telling people this girl has serious issues, she is lying and telling people the girl was kicked out of churches, that she accused a boy in youth group of rape, that she has evil motives, that she isn't even a Christian, and multiple other lies. My now girlfriend was miserable and in tears from the things my mom said and did. My mom is now stalking me (she once texted me and said how's costco? And I had been there earlier that day. Creepy right?) My girlfriend stayed silent for a month of torture from my mom until she finally told her off and to stop harassing her, lying about her, and publicly posting complete BS about her.) After this my mom started texting and calling her and saying awful things. Then she called the authorities on both of us and said WE were harassing HER! It was so ridiculous. I don't know what to do. Both me and my girlfriend are thinking about getting restraining orders because my mom is so out of control.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/03/2013

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If you're an adult, you have every right to file restraining orders as well as charges against her for stalking, libel, & slander. Not that it will help your relationship with her, but if it's that bad, I'm surprised the young lady's parents haven't taken steps.

Syeda Saba - posted on 05/04/2013

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If nothing work then talk to ur sisters and tell them situation and convince them .abut give them solid reason that why she is behaving like this and very soon they also face this situation so all of you get together first and then talk to some family friend or some one who at least controle your mother . If nothing works than better change your path and try to make your future.

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Kristi - posted on 05/05/2013

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I've dealt with people a lot like your mom.
I've also dealt with people who are on or say they are on their path to God.
Surely, you and your girlfriend as well other members from your church have prayed over your tragic situation. What is He telling you? Are you really listening? Sometimes, it's not so easy to listen to something we're not ready to hear or are unwilling or unable to understand right away.

I know you are in different states but it might be worth talking to a social worker about your situation. He/She may not be able to help you directly but may be able to get you started or give you some options, etc. Then, there is this comment:

Whitney Blackburn - posted 2 days ago

Sybeda-

I would do something like that, but we aren't in the same state anymore. I'm afraid for my sisters because although my Mom most likely needs help, some of the things she has done may get them taken away.

RED LIGHT! If your mom is doing things that would cause the State to take your sisters from her that tells me they are in danger already. Do you have any family or family from the church that could help you with them?

This may be a case where you just have to put your oxygen mask on before you attempt to help children or other passengers with their masks. Of course, if you've never been on airplane before this analogy is useless. But, you're smart enough to know what it means.

All of your sisters know, in their hearts, that you love them and they still love you. What they think right now, is what they have to think to survive. "Survive" is just that, it's not necessarily good nor bad, it's making it through to the next day, no more, no less. When you are able to talk to any of them, remember to be patient and non-judgemental. Continue to reassure them that no matter what has been said or done, you have, you do and you always will love them and your mom. Sadly, your mother has turned this into something of a twisted divorce for them. Hopefully, you'll all be able to get counseling together at some point in order to work through this.

You know this situation is bigger than you and bigger than you and your girlfriend. You need to seek out professionals that know the system, whom you trust, to help YOU get on your feet and get your sisters to safety as quickly as possible, then of course, get your mother the help she obviously needs and continue to build upon your foundation for stability and strength for the future. Keep praying. Remember, if you aren't healthy and functioning, you won't be able to make sure anybody else is, either.

[deleted account]

They moved to a different state. So that won't happen. I try and talk to them on the phone, but my oldest sister believes my mom and will hang up the phone when I talk to my youngest. I was able to tell my youngest sister that I love her and to not believe anything my mom says about me. I think she believed me because she was crying and kept talking.

[deleted account]

I'am so sorry for what you are going through with your Mother. So sad...and I am familiar with type of situation as my sister alienated her children with this type of behavior for years.

I completely understand your confusion, anger, sadness for this drama. You sound like a pretty terrific young man. Key word here being MAN. Your Mother must realize this fact before it is too late.

My sister manipulated her 3 children for many years until they decided enough was enough and stopped all communication with her. It was very sad. :o(

The sad thing is my sister never realized it was she that had pushed them away. She passed away 5 years ago. Her children loved her very much...however it was a matter of "self preservation"... They had no choice but to break ties to end the manipulation and drama.

That being said, what YOU need to figure out is: Maybe right now in your life .... you can be healthier and more emotionally stable without having your Mother in it. I am sorry and I DO hope she will change her ways...but for now YOU need clarity and sometimes a little distance and time apart can give you just that.

Best of luck to you & please keep us posted! :o)

[deleted account]

My girlfriend is an adult so it's up to her to take steps. She wants to, but she also wants there to be peace eventually.

[deleted account]

Sybeda-

I would do something like that, but we aren't in the same state anymore. I'm afraid for my sisters because although my Mom most likely needs help, some of the things she has done may get them taken away.

Syeda Saba - posted on 05/03/2013

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You are nice kid and your mom is overprotected about you because she is alone she thinks that the girl will stole you from her so she is behaving like this .Try to handle her calmly and talk to doctor she needs treatment and help of you. she is your mom .

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