My only child, 16 yr daughter suddenly wants to live w her dad

Grissy - posted on 08/24/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My daughter spent 2 weeks during the summer time with her father that has not always being a "present" father... After I agreed to meet her father half way so I can pick her up she told me in the ride back that she had made some thinking and would like to live with her father.



My ex has been unstable meaning He will abandoned the home if Him and I will get into a big argument but silly me being inloved will work it out and take him back.. the first time he abandoned the home my daughter was 5 in pre-k however, 2 years later Him and I worked things out. 3 years later he did the same thing but only for 9 months again I took him back. the thrid time is the charmer.. in 2010 he did the same thing by this year my daughter was 12 but this time I thought more for us and decided to put an end to his unstable behavior and filed for divorced... Long Story Short.. we divorced in Sept 2010, my daughter in between will see him once a month.



Her and I have gone through very tough time, evicted from the home my ex was paying for.. my daughter had always attended private school and due to the economic was forced to enrolled her ia A academic school... My ex has petioned through court primary custody and accusing me of abuse.. he now lives with his girlfriend which girlfriend has 2 daughters from prior marriage. I may be naive but I think this sudden decission is call jealousy. seeing her father nown lives with 2 young girls that gives attention to and its not what she experienced as growing up and if she did was on and off due to him leaving and me taking him back. :((

2 Comments

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Julie - posted on 08/26/2012

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I am a 52 year old women . my mom and dad where divorced when I was 4. Dad got remarried when I was 10 she had 2 sons and a daughter 6 months my senior, and had NO RULES. live in friends, no responsibility, no questions to answer. What could be better for a young girl who saw the life of these other kids? I told my mom I wanted to move to dads when I was 15. It broke her heart. I did come home my senior year realizing the mistake I made being freedom vs love. My mom kept communication open, the years I was gone. She invited all " her " kids also when ever I came to visit . She never made it dad vs mom. I was young and had to test the waters, knowing now my dad wanted just to hurt my mom more using me as a weapon, my dad, well let's just say that's what he Is a dad, My mom is my best friend, I hope you will find this as well

Bobbie - posted on 08/25/2012

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Oh I get it. I have had similar issues. I will bullet things for easy reading

* When speaking about her father view him through her eyes. Don't mention ex issues you had with him. I learned that the hard way. When I said things like "he left us" I realized my daughter felt he left only me. Remember he has his side to the story and makes it all about you.

* Children of divorce have the option to bail out when the going gets tough. Either through rules they don't like or hardship that they feel won't improve where they are at. This is much deeper of an issue for both of you because he has put you at this great disadvantage.

*His custody ploy must be fueled to ensure he cuts off funds to you by way of child support. That was my first thought anyway. Chances are he is putting ideas into her head about how wonderful he would make it for her if she lives with him. I don't think it was something she wanted on her own and approached him about. Besides, she must have discussed it with him to know it was possible.

*Move forward with her best interest in mind. Ask her all the right questions. Questions that her answers will make her think more deeply about. Such as, Would you have your own room? Would you become responsible for care of the girls after school or would you be free to enjoy after school activities? Your fathers girlfriend, is she open and friendly to you? Did she say she wishes you to come live there? Is your dad's work schedule going to allow you any time with him or would you see him more if you just visited on weekends?

*AFTER you have asked the questions and then just let her think about her answers for a day or so then ask again. "do you still feel as strongly about living with your dad?" Chances are she is going to say, I have to ask him a few things first. IF she wants to go it doesn't matter her reason for going. In the courts at her age she has the right to testify to the judge, in closed chambers, as to who she wants to live with and why.

*I don't see why or how he can claim abuse? Did you mean neglect because you were evicted and she had to change schools?

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