My selfish 19 year old.

Anjelah - posted on 05/12/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )

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So for Mother's day...I get NOTHING. Not even a phone call from my 19 year old.
Am I asking too much?
I seriously think my 19 year old is just a self centered 15 year old.
He only thinks about himself or his girlfriend.
He doesn't live with us anymore, so I rarely see him...and he rarely calls...only when he needs something, like money.
He doesn't have a job yet and his land lord has threatened to kick him out a few times if he doesn't pay rent.
My son tells me he does odd jobs to make money or takes online surveys fro extra cash.
He doesn't ask me for money because I won't give it to him anymore.
My hubby and I do pay his phone bill every month.
We figure he needs to at least have a phone in case of an emergency..but we are considering in getting him a pay as you go phone.... so he can start paying for everything.
He spends most of his time with his girlfriend and her family.
I constantly wonder what I did wrong. Why doesn't he want to spend any time with his family?
I ask him, and he just says he's busy. Always an excuse.
I just feel really sad that I get treated like crap after everything I've done for my son.
I guess I was expecting too much.

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Dixie - posted on 05/14/2013

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Boys grow up and make their own way; girls (usually) end up in deeper relationships with their mothers. Nagging him will not bring him closer to you, it will drive him further away. Lighten up a little and try not to take it soo personal, he is trying to figure out how to make it in the world. The fact that he is not to a point in his life where he is financially stable is probably weighing on him more so than you. Once he feels some sense of success and security in his life he will probably reach out to you more frequently. Boys are problem solvers by nature, he may feel ashamed that he has not solved this problem yet. Give him some time to figure it out.

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Anjelah - posted on 05/14/2013

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That's exactly what I've been doing. Just give him time and space. It still hurts that he doesn't call, but it makes sense that he probably feels like an underachiever with out a job.
It's so hard to be a parents. I never understood what my mom said when I was a teen..now I completely understand.

Anjelah - posted on 05/13/2013

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Haha...so there are other 19 year olds just like mine... huh? Funny how you think your kid/kids are the only ones with crazy problems. But at least I know I am not alone.
More patience!

Enna - posted on 05/13/2013

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I have a brother just like that. It's so hard for my mom, and I hate watching it. Unfortunately I think you're just going to have to let it go for the time being and focus on yourself. He'll probably come around to his senses. But some people have to learn lessons the hard way. When he's out on the street with no where to go (horrible thought I know) he will come back to you, and hopefully he will have learned his lesson. I think all teenagers to some extent have a period of time where they want to break away from their parents, and they act inhuman for awhile. But then they come back and realize how they've been acting. Good Luck.

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