My sixteen year old teen had to leave my home. What do I do to make my life,easier

Roxanne - posted on 09/24/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )

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How do I learn to let him go without feeling like a failure. I told him to pack his things if he could't live here without being so nasty and hurtful. He is at a 19 year old house, better known as the party house. I talked to the police and they said ther is nothing they could do. They can't make this guy not open his door.They said unless he or my son have been breaking the law, their hands are tied.

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Lesa - posted on 01/23/2015

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My son is 17 and will be 18 soon I never thought I would put my son out, but he don't want to follow my rules. I feel like it was something that I didnt do that is why he actling lime this. This is my first born it hurt so bad to know that he got to leave under these conditions

Anne - posted on 09/26/2012

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Am at that stage of life with my 19year old son, being a single mum doesnt make it any easier. i have thrown out my son twice and have had sleepless nights wondering what mess he is getting involved with. He is back now, he is uni and all am providing now is fare to take him to and fro from Uni, I have done a lot of talking, had friends teachers talk to him. so far nothing seems to get to him so i am currently doing silent treatment for a change....if you believe in God, do pray a lot, if you can talk to him and hope for the best. Good luck

Anne Marie - posted on 09/25/2012

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I agree with Bobby. My son left with a girlfriend. He lived at her parents place for a while, a real bad situation too. They were eventually kicked out of her parents house and came back to me, yep they left again because my rules were unfair. The in and out continued, I was there for them when they needed me. I made the mistake of giving money once in a while and then I became the money bag person. When that stopped and allI gave was support it was not good enough for the girlfriend and she told my son he had to choose between me or her. I could tell by my son's behaviour that something was bothering him and when I found out what it was I held my composure and simply stated, "well then you best choose her, cause you can always come back to me" It was all I could think to say to show unconditional love and support. They have since broken up and he is back home, cheated out of money, and many items of value. I have not replaced them, and I will not, a lesson learned I hope. On the bright side we now have a good relationship which I hope will last as he is vulnerable and easily lead but He knows I will always be there for him. Ihope this has helped the best of luck to you.

Bobbie - posted on 09/24/2012

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My heart goes out to you. At 16 they are still vulnerable to such bad influences, not realizing how badly they are effecting your life as well.

I don't know the full emotional ride you have been on with this son but it must have been more painful than just being hurtful to you. So without knowing the depth of the destruction I can tell you this much. You would not be a better parent to just put up with it. He has to have consequences to learn life lessons. So you didn't fail, you are not finished raising him yet. You are simply being a good parent removing the training wheels on his bad behavior. Chances are you will be dealing with this issue for a while emotionally. Stand strong on your expectations but be there for him if he reaches out. I know that sounds like a contradiction but put it this way. If he is away from home and calls you for money that is not a true "need" for his mother. If however he calls and says that he feels lonely, scared you can meet him somewhere to talk. Pick him up and over a meal discuss his emotions. Let him know you love him. That your expectations are the same. You request these things of him because you do love him and want to see him get the very best out of life.

You haven't lost him, you haven't failed, you are just fighting the good fight. Good Luck to you!

Rhonda - posted on 09/24/2012

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This is the thing, you put him out because you were angry and frustrated. The truth is he shouldn't be allowed to live with you if he is going to be nasty and hurtful. You were hoping that the threat would have made him change, but it didn't. The reason this has gotten to this point is because the rules and standards have not been strictly put in place from the beginning. It is time to put them in now. He will be there until he actually really needs something, then he'll be back. In the meantime, you must establish rule and regulations that you intend to stand back and enforce. All of society runs on rules, laws, standards and morals, you must establish them in your home. He must respect you, he must take responsibility for himself, he must put together a plan for his future and he must learn how to interact with other people. He must understand that his actions have consequences that he must pay for. If he doesn't learn this lesson he will not be prepared for life.

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