my son 14 went to live with father

Adriana - posted on 03/30/2012 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I need help. My son 14 went to live with his father on Sunday. His father never took care of him, not even a single child support check and my son adores him. After years away, he has returned and my current husband argued with my son on Sunday and told him to leave with his father if that is what he wanted. Now he hates me for allowing my husband of 7 years to speak to him like that. He seems not to be afraid of anything. He does not even call me, unless I do so. His father does not even have a job. He has always had a great life and goes to the best catholic school only for boys. He can not even pay for his schooling and does not even have a car to take him to school. My son now has to take 2 buses to go to school in the morning. A very different life, but he is happy because he is with his father and brother of same age. His father is not married. I dont want him to be miserable with me, but I dont want to risk his future. How much is pushing too much. I dont know what to do any more. I can take the father to court, but my son will hate me more. Please help me, I am so sad and dont know what to do.

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That's not okay what your husband did. No matter how much you try and force it, he technically isn't your son's real father. I highly doubt your son considers going to catholic school for boys as the best life. You can have a good future in a public school just as much as in a private one.

Sharon - posted on 04/26/2013

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I need some advice my son is 16 1/2 and he has had little contact with his real father in 8 years. My ex has never paid child support and is a very vindictive man. I have full and legal custody of both my sons. While I have been remarried for years now and my kids love my current husband. So while I was on business trip out of no where my son made contact with his dad. He came and got him and took him to live with him without my permission. If I go get my son we said he will run away. First of all I cry everyday, he doesn't call me or text me. I still pay for his cell phone and health insurance. Since he left I have seen pictures and posting of him getting high. Him saying the high life is only life to live. He got a tattoo and gaged. He told my older son that dad allows him to Drink and get high in his room. He to his brother my older son that he has never been a real brother to him and he should live his life and he will live his. Plus, he asked him when are you going to get out of that house I did when are you. My older son told him I am not you know we have had a good life here. Over the past year it had been hard I did loose my job and we struggled pretty hard and I couldn't give the kids all the things I cod I. The past. But I am working again and things are turning around. I am not sure what to do I love him much and want him to come home. I want the best for him and I am not sure he is getting the proper supervision anymore. Plus, he is not even talking to me anymore what should I do? Please help I am so sad Let me add their dad left me when I was two months pregnant with my second son for another woman and had seen the boys maybe a handful of times. He never ever gave me child support. He promised my son he would get him a car, he gave him his own room and he had no rules or boundaries there. He has remarried and had two young sons. He claimed he changed and then started texting my older son nasty things about me so my son blocked him. I am hoping that my doesn't forget about me and his other family back here. I hope one day he comes back home but it does not look like he will at this time. Any comments or advice is greatly appreciated can't stop crying I miss him so much

Adriana - posted on 04/06/2012

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Dear Friends: My son came home on Wednesday, since his father left town again. You have no idea de joy of having him home. He went to mass with me yesterday and my 2 year old and I see hope. Of course, that when his father returns to Miami; I will see his reaction. For now, I will do all possible to make sure I need him and have a pleasant stay. That is all I can do. He will be 15 in 3 weeks and I will have to trust the manners and education I have given him. I will not omit that I have cried every single day until he came back. Live today as if it was the last! Say I love you every day as many times as you can. Some times we forget! I thank you so much for your support.

Tabitha - posted on 04/06/2012

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Ok, First, your husbands shouldn't have said that. Neither of you should say something like that out of anger. Especially if your ex isn't able to care for him. Second, if your ex isn't able to do what needs done to take care of him, go get him. He isn't working, doesn't have a car, it doesn't sound like he can take care of himself, let alone a child. If there is a custody order in place, you have the right to bring him home. A 14 year old doesn't get to just make his own decisions about where he lives. Yes, if your ex were to take you to court, they would take your son's opinion into account. But since he has no job or transportation, I'm guessing he won't be taking you to court. Also, the courts are not going to base their decision on your son's opinion or feelings over the fact that dad can't provide basic care. Get him home, your husband needs to apologize for making that comment and then you all need to sit down and revamp the household. Everyone needs to be respectful of each others feelings. What kind of argument were they having? Discuss it. Compromises can be made by all parties. But you are the parents so this 14 year old will have to learn to live where he's told to live and follow the rules for that location. Since dad is back in the picture, maybe you guys can discuss some extended visits so that he doesn't feel like he's not allowed to see his dad. You can certainly wait and see if he comes back on his own, maybe he will. Or maybe, he'll get use to how his life is at his dad's. Dad has no job, hasn't been around...this doesn't teach your son responsibility. It will affect his schooling, if dad doesn't have to go to work, why should I go to school? If it were my son, I'd go get him. Since when do we allow our teenagers to do whatever they want?

Adriana - posted on 04/03/2012

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His father is leaving town and he is coming tomorrow for just a couple of days. I can't wait to hug. Him. It has been 10 days since I don't see him.

Sherri - posted on 04/02/2012

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Yup-not alone. My husband threw my SS out after months of hearing how he wants to live with his mother (no supervision, no rules, no boundaries). We had enough of his attitude, threats, stealing ect. If mom's house is the "cool place" and he thinks that the grass is greener over there, we figured it was best to make him eat his words. Kids have a short memory. He seems to forget things like his mother not showing up to his grade 8 grad and standing him up for counselling appointments and if buying his affection and material things are what's important to him, he can go and have fun with that.



From what I hear, after 2 weeks with his mother, he's already being used as a built in babysitter and things are starting to go south, so we'll see what happends. I'm guessing he's going to be MISERABLE by the end of the school year and want the hell out of there.



Don't worry-they always come around.

Krista - posted on 04/01/2012

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Hi Adriana

I just read ur post and want u to know you are not alone! My son decided also that his father's was the place to be. His father and i have been divorced since he's 2 and has never been any kind of help or role model in his life. Only if it was convienant would he see him or his daughter (never both at same time). My story goes on but my advice to u as i can feel your pain, truly is to step back and dont do anything but wait it out. Just today after about a month he called and came home. I didn't push anything i just.enjoyed knowing he was home. Leave the door open and just

try to leave the anger at the ex. I hope the best for u all as i have been through it and still going through the heartache

God bless

Krista

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