My son dumps on me all the time about how we don't like girlfriend with his child.

Ann - posted on 12/23/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My son says I don't call his girlfriend and she's never felt Love from our home yet I've bought her
Baby shower presents split baby shower with
Her mother and ran to hospital after baby was born
Couple days ago. How many times do I need to accept
This behavior from him. Don't want to even be with him this holiday after we had plans set. I love my grandson but can't take this Dumping anymore.
They both are 20 yrs old.

3 Comments

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Ann - posted on 01/09/2013

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Donna

I just wanted to say that my son called and apologized to me
We did celebrate Xmas eve with them and have decided to forgive each others for all the hard feelings on both sides. We love our grandson and respect our sons new family. They are both ready to be parents and loving every minute of it, as we are being grandparents. It Realy doesn't matter how they came into the world it's wonderful!
Thank you again Donna.

Ann - posted on 12/24/2012

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Donna
I have a real hard time with this generation that thinks we are to blame for their problems.
My son left home to live with his girlfriend about 2 years ago. I no they wanted the baby because I read on twitter how they have sex with no protection. Duh. BABY! Her family gloats over them and enables them by buying cars and paying their insurance and paying their cell phone bills.
I told my husband that we need to be more compassionate to how we react.
Now being Xmas I'm not even sure I will see them. I believe he should call and apologize for dumping on me before our family goes to see them. However how could I punish the rest of the family?
Thanks for your reassurance again
Merry Christmas

Donna - posted on 12/24/2012

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Hi Ann, Well, part of the problem is that they're both 20 years old and have a baby! What do you expect? It seems that your son is repeating what his girlfriend is saying to him. She could be saying it out of insecurity or perhaps, being 20 and barely out of the house, they still expect you to "carry" them. Or perhaps your son doesn't feel secure about this girl and is blaming you. Or perhaps this girl is overwhelmed, at 20, with a baby and expects you to be there more often. Perhaps your son is overwhelmed as well, and is dumping on you (because you're a "safe" person) to releive his own stress in his home. Sigh. I would not get too upset about it and try not to take it to heart. And I certainly would not defend myself and list all the things I've done to my son over and over again. Smile and say "I'm sorry you feel that way", look away and continue on. Turn around and answer him with something completely different such as "Don't worry honey, it's gonna be alright" in a reassuring tone. He probably needs a lot of reassurance right now. Do what you can and want to do to help, and ignore the rest. Don't explain, justify or defend your behavior (that only gives weight to his statements). Obviously, they are still kids and still don't get it. They will eventually, but try to keep the hard feelings out of it, as you maintain your boundaries, your calm, and your own life. You may want to manage your son's expectations of you, in a calm moment (not while he's dumping on you), and explain to him what he can (and should not) expect from you in a casual way. Good luck!

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