My son is sad because he wants a girlfriend

Koala - posted on 02/28/2015 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I don't know what happened to my son, but for the past few months he's been talking about how bad he wants a girlfriend. He says that his friends have girlfriends, and he feels left out. I have told him that he should date a girl who shows interest in him but he keeps complaining that he does not like the girls at his school and has no interest in dating them, not even the ones who like him. I ask him what's wrong with the girls he just says he's not interested in them. I've dropped him off at the mall and taken him to basketball games so he can meet girls, but he says that he's not interested in approaching the girls he sees. (He's also a shy boy, I don't know how much that plays into not wanting to talk to the girls he sees). Every day he complains about how he really just wants to get a girlfriend already. I've told him that he's only 16 and that he'll meet a girl soon, but he must be patient. But he continues to complain about how he doesn't want to be patient. I don't think he's gay, his computer background picture and the background on his phone is pictures of girls he thinks are pretty. I don't know how to help him. He's extremely frustrated and upset and he won't shut up about it. I'm not sure what to do. I've tried ignoring it, hoping he'd figure it out, but the last few days he's been very frustrated and keeps mentioning how badly he wants a girl.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/12/2015

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My eldest didn't want a girlfriend in HS. He wanted a friend who, if they had a formal event, would be willing to attend with him, but that was about it.

At this point, he's 21, still a virgin, still on the lookout for 'the one'. She has to have good morals, good standards, be on the same level as he, belief wise...In other words, he's got in mind the personality that he is looking for, and won't just jump into bed with anyone.

My youngest has had several girlfriends, but more because "everyone else has one". He'd rather play the field, be friends with a bunch of girls, but not have one solid relationship, because that limits him.

Jodi - posted on 03/06/2015

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I actually agree in PART to what Carol has to say (and Shawnn knows I've raised a teenage boys ;)). I don't agree with all of it.

You don't know he's not gay just because you've seen your child watch porn. My youngest brother is gay and he also felt obligated to have girlfriends, pretended he was interested, watched porn to TRY to make himself interested because he couldn't face the alternative. Admittedly, this was in a time where gay was considered incredibly concerning (more than 20 years ago) and in a very small country town with a lot of small minded people. he wasn't ready to let people know and wasn't even ready to admit it to himself, so he was extremely determined to try to have a girlfriend thinking it may make a difference. But you haven't mentioned where you live and the attitudes there. I will not say he is PROBABLY gay, I am just saying don't count it out just because he watches porn and says he wants a girlfriend.

It could also very well be he hasn't found anyone he is interested in. My son has had girlfriends, but has also gone through a long period of time between 16 and 17 where he didn't have any interest in any particular girl. Now, at almost 18, he is almost inseparable from his girlfriend. So it happens when they find the right person that they enjoy spending time with sometimes. I was never concerned.

So ultimately, it could be EITHER Shawnn or Carol's suggestions - we can't know which because we really don't know all the details. But please don't discount either of them.

Koala - posted on 03/06/2015

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He is not gay. I have caught him several times watching porn with girls in it. He's very sad and just wants a girlfriend and I do't know what to do.

Carol - posted on 03/05/2015

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You THINK he's not gay. A guy that has alot of friends with girlfriends and is too scared to say anything about it obviously wants to have a "girlfriend" just to fit in because he doesn't want to let his friends know that he doesn't fly the same way they do. It goes so far as him telling you he wants a girlfriend persistently and having "cute" girls on his comp doesn't matter. If he was a straight 16 year old boy he would have more than that. It might be hidden but he would have nude women photos somewhere. Since he does not then more than likely your son is gay and doesn't want to admit it to anybody because he is scared of the consequences of being that person that he is. If he wanted a girlfriend that bad then he would have already gotten one. I can't say for certain that he is gay but to me it sounds that way. A male doesn't say a girl is just pretty and puts their pic up on their phone or comp. I'm sorry but that's just not how it is. Yes there are guys that are like that but most likely they are kidding themselves to hide something else. There are nice guys that treat women like ladies and want to be pure until they find the right person but alot of the time that's just something that women want but doesn't actually happen. To sum it all up, your son is probably gay. He's too shy or scared to come out of the closet and tries to make it seem as though he isn't to prevent reprimandation from society.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/05/2015

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Well, hes not serving himself well, and if he keeps negating all suggestions of where to start, he's never going to move forward.

Did you point that out?

Most likely, he really doesn't WANT a gf, but since his buddies all have one, feels obligated to do the same. My boys realized that dating was not the be-all, end-all activity, and they could have cared less if they had girlfriends or not at that age.

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