My soon-to-be 15 year old Daughter refuses to follow punishments - Sneaks Out - Skipping School

Joseph - posted on 11/08/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )

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My daughter turns 15 on Wednesday.. She was getting herself in major trouble AKA Stealing, sneaking out, minor shoplifting...

Today she has stopped with the petty crimes and can say she improved on that based on how we handled it. HOWEVER, Today is the 3rd straight day she has snuck out early and/or has not come home until bed time. She is going by her boyfriends house, he is 19 and we have met and spoke to him, he is not a bad guy and we are trying to be understanding.. However her sneaking out and refusing to do chores, failing classes, is skipping school at times (he is 19 and still a senior in HS and she is Frosh). She flat out told her Mom (my wife) today that she is going to do what she wants... She will come home as long as we give her an acceptable time. She will not follow punishment guidelines.. '

Now to bring you up to speed, we have done DYFS, I've done parenting classes, etc.. Her mother is bi-polar and has committed suicide and her birth father she hasn't seen since she was about 4 or so. He is always in jail. So I know that my daughter has many psychological problems.. She refuses to see a therapist says she would either just lie or not talk (we've tried this for a few years) We had her in an alternative after school program after she was caught having sex in the boys bathroom of her middle school last year. She did that for a year until she refused to go anymore saying she was just finding more and more people who were worse for her and her behavior didn't improve drastically... We also had a case worker doing family therapy in house twice a week for about 16 months.... That is since done and again nothing... She is the sweetest person when she gets what she wants...... but you try and ground her and and she just leaves, sneaks out at nights/early AM where we don't hear the door. She never refuses to come home when we physically go get her but it's like we have no leverage because whatever we issue as punishment, AKA: Chores, no electronics, not aloud to go out, doesn't matter she refuses to do it.... She can be real helpful when not being made to do chores however it seems now its getting to the point she just wants to make sure she is home so the Cops can't pick her up again.. She didn't come home one night and we had the cops meet her at school the next morning, and she wasn't amused... She knows they would take her away and she loves us but wants to be treated as though she is older than she is I guess.... I NEED HELP!!!

Also to ad to this post, we are in the beginning stages of me trying to adopt both my kids.. Her and her 12yo sister. We are afraid her behavior can screw up the case for her and her sister (she has told her mother she wanted me to adopt her years ago and wanted to change her name ASAP) But she doesn't think she is doing anything wrong.. Screaming, yelling, talking as a friend or concerned parent do not work

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Chet - posted on 11/13/2014

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Just to make sure I have this straight... you and your wife are not this child's biological parents. You are foster parents looking to adopt. The biological mother committed suicide and the biological father is in jail. Is that right?

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