My teenage daughter hates me.

Erin - posted on 07/19/2017 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I need help. I'm raising a very independent, disrespectful daughter who has her father's support in hating me.
It hurts through and through.
She has no respect for me & it shows. She is adamant about not following my rules nor contributing to our household when she is with me. She is being told by her father & his girlfriend that they don't think she should have to spend the court ordered time with me.
Although she has been abusive to me I have not reciprocated that anger or physicality.
I feel lost. I have conflicting feelings towards her over this.
Her father abondaned her & her sister when she was 7.
I foolishly did not go for full custody when he moved from MI to CA. I chose that because I did not want to add to the wedge in their connectedness.

That decision haunts me now.
Any thoughts are welcome.
Anyone with a similar experience?

Thank you
Erin

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Rene - posted on 07/24/2017

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I’m so sorry for this heartache you’re going through! It’s amazing how children can be this bundle of joy, loving you and needing you as they’re young, and then turning into someone seemingly completely different as they grow…especially those teen years! And then to have your ex egging this behavior on?! Even harder! And as for not going for full custody earlier, well what can you say…hindsight is 20/20.

But that’s all behind you now, so let go of regrets. How is your other daughter doing? I was a divorced mom of three, contending with my ex and his girlfriend. It affected me, and it affected our children. Kids don’t often know what to think, they just get kind of tossed around in the sea of adult emotions when they’re just trying to figure things out about themselves. I would encourage you to keep that standard you’ve set…not reciprocating anger or physicality. Your daughter is still just a child, so though I know it breaks your heart to have her treat you so poorly, she’s most likely just confused and hurting herself. Have you considered counseling for both you and her, to get an objective third-party to help sort things out?

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