My teenage son treats me like crap. Desperately need advice!!!!

[deleted account] ( 8 moms have responded )

I've never been part of anything like this but I just don't know what to do. I'm a single mother of a sixteen year old son, he seems miserable and in a bad mood all the time. I try my best to be a good mother, he doesn't lack love or anything else. The problem is that he's always giving me an attitude or treating me really bad, I get so frustrated sometimes that I cry. My ex and I broke up when he was just a baby and he's been very active in his life and spends a lot if time with him but he is "fun dad", he doesn't help me financially and he's always been emotionally and verbally abusive. The truth is that I really hate this man with all of my heart, I know that seems harsh but he is one of the biggest jerk offs I've ever met and my problem is that my son has his personality and treats me just the way he does. Although I love my only child I resent him sometimes for mistreating me all the time just like his father has and idolizing his father which doesn't even assume any real responsibilities like discipline or money or anything.... How can I get past this and how can I have a better relationship with my son who treats me like crap?

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Chris - posted on 01/18/2014

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Time will do it. Our daughter is a pain, hates me totally and are doing most stuff a 14 year old should not do but.... This it what the psychology that we and she sees said, the one she loves most will gets most hate. The more they love you the more they need to break free and hate is the tool. Does not help much and I still have some years of this shit to survive but have it in back of your mind. It is breaking free growing up and he will come back and love you but it will just take some time, yeah love to see the years pass really fast.... So hang in there time will do it. Latest when they are about 21 they get it! Good so about 7 more years....

On-the-spot - posted on 12/18/2016

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My situation was a cross between T and the original poster. The difference is that I am now in a place and time in my life where I can look back upon the situation after having raised my son into a man. He is my only child and I raised him as a single mom without any support from my ex or from family members. It was the hardest thing I've had to do in my life, and a daily struggle.
I did my best to be a good mom, but my son was a difficult child from the beginning. He was very colicky during infancy (for those who don't know, that's a painful digestive disorder) and didn't sleep as much as most other infants do. As he grew, he seemed dissatisfied with most everything I did. I was careful not to spoil him and disciplined him as needed, but also tried hard to create a happy home environment for the two of us. I never remarried though there were times I came close. There was no alcohol or drugs in my home and as time went by and my son grew into adulthood, I felt very lucky that he had never gotten into drugs and alcohol. This alone told me I had done something right as a parent.
But as he grew, he began more and more to treat me with disrespect and there was often a great deal of tension between us, There was always a power struggle and tempers would flare, words would be exchanged and sometimes I think we even came close to hitting each other.
When my son graduated from high school, he entered the Marine Corp. For a while things seemed to get better between us, I think because of the distance, and I hoped that our relationship would improve once my son had become a man. As the years went by we weren't exactly close but my son helped to look after me and seemed to be genuinely concerned about me and sometimes loving towards me.
Then it all changed. Suddenly, and almost overnight.
He showed up one day and shoved a DVD into my hands and said, watch this. Though neither me son or I were religions, the DVD was a church Pastor/author/counselor talking about how single moms ruin their sons by using them as "surrogate husbands" which ruins the son's future relationships with women. I had not leaned on my son and felt as if I was being scapegoated.
As things got progressively worse, I wondered what was going on. Why had my son suddenly turned on me completely, shutting me out of his life and treating me with contempt. I looked for answers on the internet and found that there were many young men who had turned not only against their mothers, but against women as a whole. The internet is providing fertile soil for their movement to grow which is anti mother (especially single mothers) and anti female. I sensed that perhaps my son had joined up with this growing brotherhood which seeks to turn other young men against their mothers and women in general. The name for this group is MGTOW. You can look it up on the internet. They have countless videos and use these to recruit more young men into their hate group against mothers and women. I'm not making this up. They swear secrecy about who they are and what they are doing, and in fact even have a manifesto.
I don't mean to scare anyone, especially mothers of young boys, but with as much time as kids spend on the internet, I think it's important for mother's of boys to know that this is going on because these males are predatory and seek to recruit as many young men as possible into their hate group against women. If your son is in his teens and acting very disrespectful, don't take it for granted that it's only a passing phase! This is serious stuff, that I'm talking about and it's real!
If you have a son who is treated you badly, it would be a good idea to get familiar to what boys are being exposed to on a societal level against women and mothers. Even if you think your son would never become indoctrinated, it's still better to know about what's out there now than to pretend it doesn't exist and that it won't or can't be what is affecting your son. My son is 39 years old now. Every now and then he does something nice and makes me hope that things will get better between us, for the most part he treats me with contempt and disdain as though he is my superior, which is exactly the attitude of MGTOW towards women and even mothers.
I don't know for sure if this is what turned my son against me almost overnight as I have never asked him if he was a MGTOW nor have I ever told him that I know of such a hate group, in case he doesn't know about them, I certainly don't want to tip him off. But mothers of boys, beware. Times aren't what they used to be. We can't raise boys alone and expect to be supported as single mothers. The respect for single mothers is not there in our society and it will only get worse.
I write this with the experience of time. Most of you reading this will still have young children. My son is grown and I can write from the perspective of looking back. What would I have done differently? I would have taken my son's bad attitude and sought counseling for the two of us. Keep that communication open, or seek to open it up. Laugh and play as often as possible and try to have as many lighthearted moments with your children while you still can. I wish I had more happy times with my son so that when he thinks back he would soften his perception of me. He in now hardened towards me after forming a perception from what I believe is mostly outside influences, because I know i was a good mother and that I don't deserve this. It may be too late to change my relationship with my son, but it's not too late for mothers of young sons. Educate yourself about the influences out there so that you realize what you may be up against. Be careful though with the information, because the last thing you want to do is expose your kids to information that they just might not yet be aware of. Seek counseling if need be. And try to create as many happy moments as you can with your kids while they are young. I think my biggest regret is that there were not enough of the good times as my son was growing up as I would have like. I'm sorry about the length of this post. I hope it helps someone.

Tracy - posted on 12/24/2015

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Im in the exact same position as yourself ( only différence is my son is 14), hope you succeeded in getting things back on track, my journey is only just beginning

T - posted on 10/31/2016

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Hey there!! I have only just seconds ago posted a very similar post to this, the only difference being that my son never (and has never) seen his father. It was his choice to leave me when I was about 7 months pregnant. My son has never asked after him but nor has he gone without anything and I am never done letting him know how much I love him. So it is really killing me that all we seem to do is argue and bicker all the time now. Two weeks ago I told him to leave and not come back. I never thought I would see the day when this would happen. (Although he did come back and the relief I felt was unreal!!) I am even doubting I ever was a good parent but im also hoping that this is something he will grow out of because this feeling is one that I don't think I could cope with all the time. I wish I could offer you some words of wisdom but maybe its enough to know that you are not alone!! Good Luck..XXX

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Chris - posted on 02/03/2017

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Hi there and all fantastic parents out there with their teens. 2014 I responded on this question but what has happened? Ok, time does it -really. After our daughter doing drugs (really bad as heronist) and been lost for months with no contact with us she came back. All, and this is crucial, when we got just a tiny bit of contact with her during this time (for example Facebook with her), we just said we love you, we are here and we will not judge you! She is now back, and started school, doing terapi say all the time how much she love us and thanks for not turing our back at her or not stop loving her. She always felt loved! Well time will tell but so far so good. Hold on, never stop telling your kid how much you love them.

[deleted account]

Thanks for the input Violet, teenagers are rough and I do hope that god hears my prayers and that my son will come to his senses

Violet - posted on 01/13/2014

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I too is suffering in the same way. He treats me like a maid and shouts top of his voice at times.

But still I keep on disciplining him. I assume this is happening because we are pampering them too much and listen to all their instruction.

Don't worry, God is our almighty who will give them wisdom and knowledge and will discipline them.

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