My two boys want to live with their dad. What should I do?

Nancy - posted on 06/12/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My ex-husband and I divorced in 2006. Since then we have shared custody, swapping them each Sunday evening. This has worked well for the past several years. My sons, now 14 and 10 have said that with their schedules at school and with soccer that the constant swapping is stressful. They told me that they preferred living at their dad's house. I think they just want some consistency. I really can't explain why they prefer living there, it's more fun, they need their dad as they are growing up...I did the most unselfish thing that I could, and I agreed to let them do this temporarily during the summer to see how it went.



I remarried three years ago and my ex-husband has a girlfriend that moved in with him a few months ago. I know that my house has more rules and we tend to be more strict.



This all happened this week but it's tearing me a part in the mean time. I want what is best for them, but I am so hurt by their decision to do this. I feel hopeless and out of control. I worry that I have let them down as their mother. What should I do? I want to be strong but it is so hard.

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Lisa - posted on 11/21/2013

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I feel your pain, I'm dealing with this myself. My 17 year old and 14 year old children want to live with their dad and they act as if they hate me. My son calls me crazy and tells me he hates me. My daughter just emptied her room one day when I was at work and moved in with her dad without my knowledge and now I am being taken back to court for him to have full custody of both. He's promising my son that he will get him too, so now my son thinks he has all this power over me. I tried to keep communication open but every time I try to invite my daughter over she will stay one hour tops than returns to her dad's house. She always has a reason she is not happy with me, but I can't discuss it with her because my son always interrupts and is calling me names and telling me how bad I am. I feel helpless and sad. I'm sorry for your situation also, and I know i'm not helping you, I guess I just need to vent.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/18/2012

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Understand that your kids are growing up, and need to be with their father more than their mother at this point in their lives. Even in married couples, this happens. The kids like hanging out with one or the other more at times.

And, since you have an ex that's been involved, you're fortunate. You don't have a reason to feel abandoned, if he's been involved the whole time. Most states let kids choose at some point anyway.

What you should do is enjoy a little more "me" time, and treasure your time with your sons even more.

Michelle - posted on 06/12/2012

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If they live with their dad then yes you would no longer have primary physical custody as he would then be their primary care giver. But from what you explained it sounds like you guys did 50/50 split time so you would have shared custody now anyway. If he has them full time he could request child support from you and would get it.

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