Need help understanding teenagers...

Natasha - posted on 11/30/2009 ( 13 moms have responded )

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I am a single parent to a 15 year old son. He is wonderful, but sometimes I don't understand what he is thinking and how he is feeling. We have a close relationship and sometimes I am scared to know what is "really" going on in his mind. All comments/advice welcome!! Thanks.

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[deleted account]

I have 3 grown children and 2 teenage grandchildren, one of whom lives with me. I can remember my 2 sisters and me as teenagers. And I am still trying to understand teenagers. Any parent, who is being completely honest, will tell you the same thing. Teenagers are going through so many changes - physically, mentally, socially, in every way possible. Sometimes they don't even know what to talk to us about. The good news is that all of us survived adolescence and, for the most part, became responsible adults. My motto about teens is relax and take one day, one problem, one surprise at a time. Good luck.

Jeanette - posted on 12/06/2009

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I know you understand that at this age he is forming his own identy and therefore is beginning the stages of separating from you. I know though that you are concerned and fearful that he won't need you and therefore; not confide in you. I know this sounds scary and it is but what you need to learn is a new way to communicate with your son; stop seeig him as your little boy and show him the respect and trust that you have raised him with. Often times we see and know that teenagers are growing and changingk but we forget to know that parents need to grown and change too. Remember if you are a christian mother and taught your child with these values then you know that your son is not yours to keep; he must learn his ways just like you did; This can be the best time of both your lives if you allow trust to enter. trust him as he needs to trust you. I have found that my daughter was shocked to know that I was changing as she was. She expected me to remain the same, how could I? I was preparing for her to go off to college (something she was excited and as loved it so far) and she knew she was changing but she expected me to be there for her always, and I am but slowly lettting her stand on her decisions; trusting that she will make the best decisions for herself.
As you can see this is an area I am very passionate about and I can go on and on, I hope you this has given you some inspiration and given your note, you have what it takes just listen to your heart, observe your sons and strive to keep the communication lines is a new and adult way. He is on his way to becoming to man you hope for.....

Toni - posted on 12/02/2009

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I totally agree with Jaen. Those are words of wisdom. I have a 19 yr old son and although we are extremely close, there are times when he has shared information with me I would have just as soon not known. As long as his behavior is not concerning you, ie depression, drug use etc. Then he probably just needs space. I remember at that age my son wouldn't leave his room unless to go someone where with friend and to eat. Trust your son until he gives you a reason not to. But on the other hand keep your eyes open. Good luck and God bless.

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Brenda - posted on 12/12/2009

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You have to meet them half way. Try to keep an open relationship with him. There is no teen alike, they are all different with their own ideas and mind. Talk to him and allow him to talk. The really need some one to listen because their body is changing and the are not a little kid any more. They go through periods of confussions and will have a lot of questions if you will take quiet moments while he is talking.



One of my sons told me now that he is 39, " mom I know there are times you thought we weren't listening to you but every time I start to do something distastful, I think about what you taught me". So I know and believe that what ever you taught them, will be with them for life.



We have to teach them and when he is old he will not depart from it, believe that!

Kathleen/Deborah - posted on 12/10/2009

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Yes I agree with you Carol. . . my son is going thru some difficult times right now. I can't seem to reach him HE keeps to himself. He is on an IEP ADHD -- i guess it is growing pains. If you have anymore advice please get back with me. thank you and God Bless you

Kathleen/Deborah - posted on 12/09/2009

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Quoting JAEN:

I don't think you need to know "everything" in your sons mind to have a close relationship anymore than he needs to know everything in yours! There are obviously things he is reluctant to discuss with you, anymore than you would have liked to discuss with your Dad at that age. It's a wrench as our teenagers pull away after needing us for everything but this is normal and just keep lines of communication open. Good luck, Jaen, x



I am experiencing the IDENTICAL ISSUE!!! It is so gutt wrenching to not know what is going on in their minds. They are maturing into young adulthood and they don't need us like they have! Be strong and continue loving him unconditionally! Let him know that you love him -- I tell lmy son on a daily basis that I love him deeply!!! God Bless you!

[deleted account]

If your son is wonderful and you are close, then don't worry. If something is bothering him, he'll let you know. you probably already know if/when he has something on his mind, but maybe just let him know that you are there if he wants to talk, that the door to communicatin is ALWAYS open. My younger son is 13 and when he has something really bothering him (mostly sexual questions) he tells it's time to go for a drive (that means it's just the 2 of us and I don't repeat our talks. I'm also not looking at him, so he's not so embarrassed). that's helped me. (He comes to me, the mom, because Dad is SO embarrassed about personal stuff like sex.. hehehe) Just keep the communication going, but don't nag. he'll come to you when he's ready..

Katina - posted on 12/06/2009

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I'm a mother of 4..daugther 19,daughter 10,son 17,son 12,let me tell u..They know how to test our patience..my oldest is in collgue 2nd yr..OMG SHE DID A 360.I'm like who is she and where did she come from..So all we can do is hope everything we taught them when they were young carry them out becuase its a doggie dog world out there.and WAITING TO BITE

[deleted account]

I feel for you. Mine is also 14 and I know NOTHING. He doesnt get out much, so I always know where he is (which I am thankful for), but I have no idea what his various social interactions are at school and I'd love to be a fly on the wall. Any time he drops a little crumb of information I am all over it like a starving dog…so, I have to force myself to be more casual about it so I don't shut him down by over reacting. I am a fish out of water with this teenage thing. Its like having a tantrumy toddler after you get real good at having a cuddly baby. after reading the other posts here, though, I feel like more people have similar stories. Good luck to all of us!

User - posted on 12/03/2009

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you really don't want to know.. it is different today just keep comunacation up and try not to judge thingshe saids to fast.. my teen daughter tell me too much sometimes, however I always there to help with anything on her mind.

[deleted account]

To know everything what is really going on in a 15yo boys mind is a scary, scary thing! You know your son and remember that boys don't necessarily share their feelings. He's a man in training you're not supposed to understand him. I also have a 15yo boy who is usually pretty good so I feel your pain. When something is really bothering him he'll leave bits of songs that express how he feels, either songs he's written or a song that tells me what is going on and I'll comment on that. It's good taht you have a close relationship with your son and know that if something big comes up he'll share with you what he is comfortable sharing. SOmetimes it's just wierd to talk to mom about things, is there a close male for him to talk with? An uncle, male friend of hte family, grandfather?

Julie - posted on 12/01/2009

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If you actually figure out teenagers let the rest of us know!!! All I can say is if you are close, you trust that if he has a real problem that he will come to you, and you trust him overall, then don't try to understand him. Just know he is being, feeling, and acting like a normal teenager.

JAEN - posted on 12/01/2009

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I don't think you need to know "everything" in your sons mind to have a close relationship anymore than he needs to know everything in yours! There are obviously things he is reluctant to discuss with you, anymore than you would have liked to discuss with your Dad at that age. It's a wrench as our teenagers pull away after needing us for everything but this is normal and just keep lines of communication open. Good luck, Jaen, x

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