Need help! Were you sexually abused by your stepfather or father and your mother stayed with them?

Need - posted on 10/14/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My boyfriend's daughter was sexually molested by her stepfather and the mother wants to stay with him! He has not been charged or even prosecuted even though the abuse was self disclosed by him to a counselor that reported it to the authorities. The police interviewed him and he did not deny it. He admitted he did it! The DA has not filed charges yet and it has already been 6 months since the disclosure. DHS is involved and the 'safety plan' states that he is to have no contact direct or indirect with the stepdaughter. But there is no official legal protective order to keep him away from her or any legal consequences if he does have contact with her. The mother wants to reunite the family as she has two children with him. We have been trying to tell the mother that it is not in the best interest of the child for her to stay married to her husband and bring him back into the daughter's life. We have been reading the stories on circles of mom about similar situations where the mother stayed with the abuser. If your mother stayed with your abuser how did this affect you? What is your relationship like with your mother? Were you sexually abused again? Any help or insight you can offer would be appreciated. They are going to be going to court for a custody hearing to try and keep the stepfather out of the house or for the daughter to live with her father instead of her mother if she still wants her husband back. Thank you in advance....

6 Comments

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Michelle - posted on 09/25/2016

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Oh my gosh! No decent mother would stay with someone who did that to their child! Your husband needs to keep that girl away from the abuser and the mother in my opinion. I have zero experience in this but I can say without any doubt whatsoever that if my husband ever touched my daughter my first thought would be to murder him and if that didn't work out I'd for sure see to it that he went to jail and I would most certainly NEVER speak to him again! It is a parents job to protect our children and when I hear about mothers staying with men in situations like this it makes me sick! Women like this are not mothers, they are pathetic, selfish people who don't deserve any contact with kids.

Katie Nicole - posted on 09/23/2016

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My stepfather abused me when I was 12 going on 13, my mum left him straight away

A - posted on 11/15/2012

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mother denied me and made me live with dad ... was terrible of course ... whole family denounced me and father was considering me as a liar my whole teenage years ... where is the come back from that?

Veronica - posted on 10/23/2012

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oh God how can a mother do that? this is so sick and horrifying and abnormal! i am very very sorry for every molested child in the world....but females who stay with the molestors should really be verifyed by a psychiatrist. that is absolutely abnormal.

Mardi - posted on 10/19/2012

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Could there be a chance that the step father could get access to their bio children???

That is the only reason I can think of to stay with someone like that, the ability to watch over them 24/7 over them have access of the kids with no supervision?? If she doesn't object to the father getting custody of his daughter, she may be doing the best she can by all her children, but allowing her daughter the safe haven of her own childs, whilst making sure her 'husband' doesn't have any alone time with 'their' children....if that makes sense to you.



Then there are some people who dont have good judement skills, and cant see all the wrongs with being with her husband, the father of her two youngest, just because of something between him and her 'other' child.

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