Please help me, 13 year old daughter is a terror

User - posted on 06/07/2016 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Hi ladies!
My name is Lindsay and I'm just a mess to say the least. I am in need of advice please. I have been raising my 13 year old niece since she was 1 1/2 years old. She is my older brothers daughter. Her mother passed away unexpectedly when my niece was a little over a year old. My brother was completely devastated and moved back home with our parents. I still live at my parents home also. My dad is the bread winner and my mom has had a lot of health problems, so I am moms caretaker. Since my niece lost her mother she has been a spoiled child. Everyone seems to over compensate bc they feel sorry for her. My brother works 16 hour shifts in another state but drives home every night just to sleep pretty much. Not much parenting on his end going on at all. So needless to say my niece has me, her father, my mother, and my father all chipping in to raise this precious girl. Since she started grade school her attitude started then. It has Got worse every year after. She will be a freshman this year and well, her whole attitude is awful. If she doesn't get her way, she moves down the totem pole from one person to the next until someone caves in and gives her what she wants. She manipulates every adult in this house. Even to the point of lying on the adults to the other adults like she is being bullied or some thing. Beyond ridiculous smh. However the past two years she was doing some inappropriate things online. She has had her electronics taken away, and right now all she has is a bed in her room...the tv is gone, game systems gone, iPods gone, anything electronic has been removed from her possession. Well the past year she has been getting so mean to me I almost can't believe it's her. I'm the one who raised this child, have taught her manners, everything she would need to know in the real world, I've been her mother pretty much. I take her to all appointments, functions, school activities and so forth. However she has totally lost all respect for me. The only person she is nice to is her dad. So he doesn't believe me when I tell him how bad she is. I recorded her and he doesn't do anything even then. He might say "stop Hun. You shouldn't be treating your aunt like that." But that is it! She has my mom fooled. Talks about my mom behind her back and is nice only to her face. My niece won't even have anything to do with her grandad (my dad). She is only nice when she wants something or needs something. But I almost can't deal with her these days. EVERYTHING out of her mouth is an argument and then she raises her voice. When I talk to her dad about her when he gets home from work, he doesn't even try to correct her behavior. I feel like all the adults should be consistent and on the same page in her upbringing. I stand up for the adults in the house if she mistreats them, but none of the adults do that for me. I feel like I'm fighting an uphill battle and don't know what to do. I feel like I don't know my niece anymore. How do I get her under control and to respect me again???? I've talked to the adults and everyone just says "just drop it, and move on" but it's the same old crap everyday and no one will support me. When I'm the one suffering completely. Please help

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Jacquelyn Kendra - posted on 06/08/2016

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I can empathize... I've been through 5 children, each of them completely different. My 18 year boy was actually the mellow of them all, but my youngest daughter, 13 is soooo mean probably 85% of the time... She's to the point that she will argue about how terrible I am to the point that it feels as if she's trying to drill her putdowns of me, (which many are either not true or extremely exagerated) and speaks to me in a very intimidating, and belittling tone. Body and facial language is vividly present as well. I love her, always will, but I am straight up with her too. I know she will choose her own path and have to face what ever consequences she accumilates, so all I can do is show her and encourage her to look towards the positive... (which feels impossible at times.). If you ever want to vent, I've been there, still there actually, I'm here for you, and I'm sure you could probably be helpful to me now and then when I feel like I'm losing it and just need an ear. You're doing a great job!! And you wouldn't have gotten this job if you weren't the best one for it.. You will also learn "superior" patience along with firmness by having this job... --Maybe you could be the next Dalai Lama. Lol....

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