please help me

Rozy - posted on 08/27/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Hi I am a mom of a 14 year old boy and 11 years old girl. My kids are not very interested to study with their school books or to do their home works. i am very worried about it please help me. how can i make my kids study

Rozy

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Tara - posted on 08/27/2012

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Consequences for not studying - or rewards if they do. Or give them the option to study or not -but set up strict consequences if they have less then acceptable grades come report card time. That way, it's on them, and not you.



At that age - I would set up specific rules for homework time. Make it the same time every evening, at the kitchen table. (Or whatever works for your family). And they had better bring things to work on, because "I left mine at school, or I don't have any homework" doesn't fly. If they don't bring work - give them a dictionary and flip to a page and let them transcribe the entire page into a notebook. I did this with my son at the same age as your kids, worked to correct the issues.



Once they are older - I'd go with letting them decide to do homework or not, but set clear expectations and rewards/consequences for grades once report cards come out.

Tara - posted on 08/27/2012

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If you are not there to inforce the homework/study time - then I would just let them know right up front... that when report cards come out, if they didn't meet the required grades (whatever you decide that is) then they will lose "X" privaledges until their grades improve, or for a specific time frame.



Being a parent is not about being your kids friend. It's about doing what you think is best. An the best thing you can do for your kids, is set up consequences and let them make their own choices. That's how they learn. If you put it back on them - they only have themselves to blame!



I would lay it out - "If you don't get B's or better on your report card, you will lose TV priveledges until your grades are brought up to B's" and then let Grandma know what you expect. If she isn't on board with your choices, I'd find other care for them. And when they don't bring home B's or better - you simply say "Wow.. that's really awful for you. I'm so sorry that you chose not to study or do your homework, I sure hope you can get these grades up quickly so you can get TV priveldges back".



Do not feel guilty about being tough on your kids. That's your job. If you are a push over, they will push you over. Don't budge, and if they are rude or snotty about it - consequences! :)

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Rozy - posted on 08/27/2012

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Dear Tara

you really wiped my tears off now. i got a small victory smile on my lips now while i am replying to this. sure ill be tough mother or at last ill try to be tough. Tomorrow morning when i go to my office ill have meeting with both of the kids and will announce them if i don't see them study the computer might get lock and they might not be able to talk with their friends. also ill tell them in the evening when i come home ill ask questions from their books and if they are unable to answer my questions certainly i am going to lock the computer from them. usually my kids spend time in face book or playing certain games in that. i really hate that sight which is spoiling kids. useless thing i feel. any ways i am very soft hearten mom. every month i give pocket money also to my kids and i let them feel they are important part of family. some times when we go shopping also i make them choose good by them self. i use to tell their is a budget for kids and they never cross limitation too so i feel my kids are thinking nicely about what i request so this time i will try the way you have advised ,me. thank you so much that mail helped me a lot

Rozy

Rozy - posted on 08/27/2012

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Dear Tara

Thank you so much for your help. actually in my case i am a working mom in my own business some times need to travel also thats why i kept my mom for the care of my kids. so they play a lot as no one to be strict at home for them. and if i say some thing little loudly also my kids feel i am the bad mother. so some times its hard to be strict on kids also. but i need them to study as the school report is not so very good they always score in middle level not in a shining way. My mom used to say when i was kid i was also the same not very attentive to my school work but i have done Masters now also studying. so is that my kids are like me or how to help the kids without being hard on them. i feel so bad now when the exam is close. please help me

Thank you

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