Rebellious soon to be 18 year old daugther

User - posted on 09/20/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Hi,

My daugther has given my nothing but pain for the last 5 years, she started changing from an agreeable child to a sarcastic/mean/spiteful/entitled brat about 8 grade. She graduated HS this past June at age 17, with a "C" average. We pay for her car, gas, cell phone, car insurance and laptop (this we have on a one year payment plan) after she said all the kids at the local college have laptops. She signed up for classes than decided to change her subjects at add/drop unfortunately we lost $1000 that we paid for book, (she sold them for less than half price on a online textbook site without telling us). She took that money and bought herself clothes and a concert ticket. She is now refusing to take classes next semester, she wants to study design (interior) in Paris France. We told her we will not pay for something like that. We agreed to let her graduate HS one year early if she agreed to go to the local community college for 2 years and transfer to in an instate school for her bachelors (That what we will pay for and can afford). She is now reniging on this deal. I dont know what to do now, we have her seeing a therapist who says she may have Boderline Personality Disorder and the way to handle that is not to say "NO" instead say "We cant/wont pay for you to go to Paris but we will help you find a way that you can eventually pay for it yourself" We dont agree with this idea of his. I want to come up with a family contract before she turns 18 on Nov 7th that state our house rules and discipline should she not follow them. As in if you do not go to college than your car and cell phone will be taken away or you need to get a job and make plans to move out on your own. Any ideas??? I dont know what to do anymore.

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Claudette - posted on 09/20/2012

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Wow... Your daughter seems like a very smart kid, with plans. If she is switching majors so soon, maybe she shouldn't rush into college just yet. Maybe she should explore some and decide what she really wants to do. I think the mistake that many people make is rushing off to college right after highschool, and not knowing really what you want to do in life. When kids don't know what they want, they tend to not go to class, or continue to change their majors, wasting lots of money and time. Also, she seems to think that money is not an object.

If she wants to be grown, maybe she should be treated like she is grown. I would tell her that she is responsible for paying for her own cell phone, and car payment. As for Paris, ok, if she want to go, tell her that she has to pay for it herself. You all agreed to pay for college in the states, not overseas.

OAN, as a psych nurse, people with Boarderline disorder, LOVES attention. If you tell her that I want pay for you to go to paris, but i will help you find away, you are feeding in to their game. You should tell her NO, and not discuss it anymore. It doesn't mean that you don't love and support her, but that you are being firm in your decision. Besides why can't she study design here in the states. The only suggestion I would make would be to tell her, that if she study in Paris, that SHE will be paying a lot more that she would if she went to college in the states.



One thing that my sister did, was she gave each of her kids 1 chance. She told them she would pay for their college but if they lost their finiacial aid, swithced their major several times, or flunked out, then they were own their own.

Good luck with your daughter and I hope that it all works out.

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