Rebellious teenage daughter

Therese - posted on 09/01/2013 ( 7 moms have responded )

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my 15 year old daughter has began sneaking out at night. She did it last year as well, but we thought she had learned her lesson and stopped but has started doing it again - we try to explain to her how dangerous it is and what trouble they can get into. I am stressed to the max - and she said she can't promise she won't do it again. She said she gets borded and feels the need to do something rebellious - she doesn't know why, she just can't help it. She's hanging out with 17 year old boys, who I have told her are to old for her. I try talking to her and explaining the consequences of these things but nothing seems to get through?? Any suggestions??

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Beljour - posted on 09/02/2013

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Every teen has a breaking point. Every teen has something that means everything to them. Find out what that something is and take it away! There will be no change in her behavior without consequence. You must teach her that very valuable lesson. My daughter tried this, I shut her entire life down until she complied. After many tantrums and my husband and I remaining a united front, she buckled! Now life is as it should be. She listens and all is well, she doesn't and she knows there will be a direct consequence to her actions. This experience has made her a better kid and us better parents to our teenage daughter.

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Therese - posted on 09/02/2013

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You are so right Kat, teenagers have no idea on how their actions affect others around them. My daughter know how her actions are effecting everyone around her but she's just closed her eyes to it. My husband and I have different opinions to on how to respond to the problems which probably doesn't help. He is getting frusterated and losing patience with her total disrepect for our rules and for our feelings and don't get me wrong, I am as well, but I want to try and understand her and get her help , whereas he thinks she is just being selfish and has told her if she's unhappy with the life she has with us then to just go. I know he really doesn't mean it/or want it - it's just killing him to see his little girl go this way.

Therese - posted on 09/02/2013

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Thanks for you advice Lynn,

It is always comforting to talk to parents who arre going/or have been through the same problems with their teens. Your situation seems very similar to mine - She feels like she is grown up enough to look after herself and going out makes her feel that freedom to be that person. The other problem I have with her is that she has always been quiet and shy and now is getting her self esteem from boys attention and since having her phone confiscated she doesn't have that - and it's making her very angry and bitter and I'm not sure if she is not suffering from some kind of depression which scares me also. I just need to find a way for her to get her self esteem from other sources. We are constantly always telling he how beautiful and intelligent she is - but as teens it seems more important what their peers say! I am going to talk to the school counsellor today and see if she can redirect me to getting counselling for her. I never imagined teenage parenting would be so heart breaking!

Kat - posted on 09/02/2013

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Lynn, well said.

My fiancee and I had different opinions when his son was living with us...he would stay out until all hours, and it worried me. One night he brought home some kid who was drunk out of his gourd...I'd just had sinus surgery and really didn't want company at the house. But my fiancee said he wanted an "open door" policy, and wanted his kids to come to him with anything that was on their mind. It was really stressed out about it.

I always felt that there were rules that needed to be followed...mostly out of respect for others...I tried to explain to his son that it was common courtesy. I realized that teenagers don't see that things are inconvenient or upsetting to others...they have to be told. Kids these days seem to be very unaware of how their actions affect others.

Lynn - posted on 09/02/2013

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My daughter is almost 15 and she has begun her rebellious stage. Sometimes when she is mad at me she leaves home and goes with her friends. We have a security system so when night comes we set the alarm and do not worry about her leaving in the middle of the night. I guess there are those times when she is just tired of following rules and wants to be free to do her own thing without judgement, consequences or scolding. Talking seems to pass like the wind and makes no impact. She sees I am hurt by her actions, but it doesn't do anything when her emotions are high. All I can do at this point is make sure that she has necessities (phone, key, pepperspray) when she does leave the house. My daughter is now going to a counselor and I hoping that she will learn ways to redirect her emotions, but it is not a quick fix. We must arm our children with the right tools and pray for God's guidance.

Therese - posted on 09/02/2013

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Hi Kat,

I've always put it down to the hormones.. But just tonight things escalated and she said she was su onhappy at home and she needs to get away. She won't tell me what the problem is, we have a happy, loving home and she doesn't go without anything. We do have boundaries, which to her is the problem. Apparently her friends are allowed out all the time and she wants to as well.. She has gone over to a girlfriends place tonight for some space and I have just spent hours talking to her friends parents - I think she probably needs counsellilng as well - i just wish I knew what was gong on in her head... It's killing me to see her this way - because underneath she is a beautiful girl. She is in year 9 at school, which teachers and counsellors have told me is one of the toughest years for girls

Kat - posted on 09/01/2013

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I was the victim of acquaintance rape at 16 doing the same thing...it's dangerous.

It sounds like she needs counseling. If she's feeling impulsive and rebellious, I think that's a bigger problem. She is under 18, and your responsibility. You have to set boundaries. Will she be going off to college soon?

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