Regret being a mom

Mimi - posted on 04/29/2015 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I know that my adopted daughter's behavior is because she is a teen. That is what everyone is telling me. But the disrespect and constant belligerence is exhausting and I don't know how to keep it from effecting me. It is a new battle from the time I wake up to the time I go to bed. It is ruining my marriage. I am in counseling, she is in counseling and nothing is helping.

I regret being a mom. If I had any idea of this, I would have never became a mom. But I am a mom. I love my daughter in the sense that I am committed to her but I get no joy from this. I don't like her because the abuse from her is unbearable. She's never said she loves me. I tell her I love her every night and she jumps back and says 'ew.' or stiffens up and walks away. I adopted her 3 years ago and so there is no bond on her end.

She gets good grades in school but has no friends because kids find her to be difficult to get along with. She is opinionated and stubborn. That is the main reason for her counseling. I know that the biggest responsibility I have is teaching her how to have healthy relationships so that she can go out into the world and relate to people. Hopefully I can do that before my marriage completely falls apart over this or I go insane.

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Raye - posted on 05/01/2015

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What rules have you set, and what consequences do you have for breaking the rules? Kids need boundaries and structure and they need parents who consistently follow through on discipline in a constructive way. Don't go easy on her because she's adopted, and don't be harder on her either. It's hard being a parent, and coming in to the child's life when they're older creates new challenges.

If you both have been in counseling for a while and it doesn't seem to be helping, you might think about changing therapists. Someone new can look at the situation with fresh eyes and maybe offer a different approach or give new ideas. Don't switch too often, because you need to give them time to build trust with your daughter and see if they can get through to her.

What issues is it causing in your marriage? And is your husband willing to join you in counseling?

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