Rules for 19 year old living at home

Michele - posted on 07/10/2015 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I'd like to get others' opinions on how to handle my 19 year old DS. He graduated last year and has yet to decide what he wants to do. He worked until the end of last year at a part-time job, then decided to go to college for a semester, now he doesn't think that he wants to go back in the fall. He's still working at the part-time job. He really wants to be a firefighter and he's actually certified to be one but departments won't hire him until he turns 21. Here's the problem and what I can't get a handle on - exactly what rules/stipulations should be in place as long as he lives in our house? We've never had to have many rules in the past because he has always been a good kid. Now he has a girlfriend and things are changing. She's 17 and a senior in HS. She doesn't have much respect for authority, is manipulative and has little or no rules at her house. Apparently her mom doesn't care if he stays at her house so he stays overnight at least one night a week. They are together every. single. day. If he's not there, she's here. I keep telling him that he needs to be careful, that she's too young to get serious and she still has at least a year left of school. Here's the thing that I struggle with - he's legally an adult and should be able to make his own decisions. Yet we are still supporting him financially - he doesn't pay any rent and I still pay his cell bill, we've had to loan him money to fix his car, etc. I feel that we should have a say in what he does - my DH says as long as he tells us that he's not coming home or what he's doing, we can't say much. I think that we have a right to tell him that we don't want him having guests every night, what time we want him to be home on a work night, etc. It doesn't help that his girlfriend encourages him to not follow our rules and tells him that he's 19 and should able to do what he wants. Yeah, I don't care for her too much! As much as I don't want to see him go, I sometimes think that him moving out would be a relief for all of us. frown emoticon He wants to have the conveniences of living at home but the freedom of living as an adult.

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Mimi - posted on 07/13/2015

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THIS ONE IS A SITUATION THAT I THOUGHT I'D HAVE TO DEAL WITH IN THE LONG RUN BUT MY DAUGHTER WILL BE 19 IN NOVEMBER BUT I TOLD HER SHE HAS TO GRADUATE FROM H.S. THEN SING UP FOR LOW-INCOME HOUSING,AND GET A TRADE OR GO TO COMMUNITY COLLEGE..OR GET A JOB AND SAVED FOR 2YEARS.WASH THE DISHES WE CAN SET A CURFEW TIME AND MINIMUM COMPANY.SO IF THEY CANT ABIDE BY THOSE FEW THINGS #GOODLUCK

Melissa - posted on 07/11/2015

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you need to give him toughlove and teach him a lesson big time. You need to tell him that if he wants to act like an adult he needs to pay you rent and you don't need to pay his cellphone. You need to cut him off don't give him any money. I know it sounds harsh but I did that to my parents too and it all changed when they cut me off, it was the best lesson my parents ever taught me to stand on my own toe feet.

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