Sad and hurt!!

Margaret - posted on 02/08/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My son is now 16 and has decided to live with his father. Because of the laws in Ontario I have no choice but to let him go. My sons father and I were never a couple and he signed over sole custody to me before my son was born. In 16 years I have never taken his father to court for more money even though according to the Federal charts for support he has paid me half of what he should have and has never contributed to his medical bills nor is sporting costs. I have never complained once because I wanted to have my sons father in his life. He is now taking me to court to gain sole custody of my son and going after me for child support. All these years I have never imposed when he could or could not see his son. He has had complete open access to him.

He is now bashing me and calling me an unfit mother and telling my son that I am "unbelievably selfish". I have had the same job for 19 years, I don't drink, I don't do drugs, and I have litereally had to scrape pennies to get by at times.

He has a lot more freedom at his fathers place which I'm sure is why he decided to live with him but he is drinking alone at night when his father is at work and smoking pot with his friends. I raised his son for 16 years and suddenly now I am unfit to be his mother. I am not upset with my son for his decision but I am upset with him for listening to his fathers BS.

He never called me unfit when I paid $15000 last year for my sons baseball fees which he didn't give me one cent for. I have raised my son the best I could with what I had. He is now getting a lot of attention for college scouts and major league scouts and will more than likely go to the draft next year. My son is very talented and I am very proud of him. I have sacrificed all these years to help him become what he wants to be and all he wants to be is a pitcher in the major leagues. I have believed in him and encouraged him to go after his dream and now his father is making me look like I am the worst mother in the world.

I love my son more than anything and would do anything for him. I will not however stoop to his father's level and insult his father nor call him a bad parent. I just hope one day that my son gets out from under his father's spell and appreciates all that I have done and sacrificed for him.

Does anybody else have a story similar with a happy ending??

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Angie - posted on 02/09/2012

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My kids father is an alcoholic, has always been behind on child support, has never helped with extras, and at one point I made the decision it was unsafe for my kids to be in his custody for visitation. He insisted when they got older and I didn't have "control" over them, he was going to have this great relationship with them. Over the years, although he has called me names & bad mouthed me to the kids, I never bad mouthed him, I never complained to the kids if their dad paid child support, we could have this, and I tried to help them through their yearly disappointments of missed birthdays and Christmases. When my oldest turned 17, he attempted a relationship with his dad. He is now 20 and not speaking to him, which I think is sad, but understand his frustration, but more importantly, he he got a whole new realization of how special mine and his relationship is & what a real parent truly means.



The point is YOU have been there for your son, just as you believe in your son, believe in yourself!! Don't let his father question your parenting & certainly don't let him drag yourself down to something you are not ~ sticks and stones, sticks and stones, don't mean anything if it's not truth, you KNOW you are not unfit, you KNOW you are not the worst mother in the world. Keep staying positive & encouraging to your son, whether or not he lives with you, and try to keep the situation between you and his dad between you two, and I'm not saying you have to say how wonderful his dad is, by any means..lol, just keep the separation and in the end, your son will get it. Best of luck to you!

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Cheryl - posted on 02/09/2012

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Wow. Sporting a career in the majors with drinking and pot lingering on your records, probably not a great idea. If my husbands son decided to come live with us, I know my husband would be excited and nervous, but I think we would both make the effort to make him consider finishing his school years with his mother. She's a good mom, he has established friends and relationships that could easily cause a distraction in his education. Missing his family with her would also be another issue that could affect him. Going from living in a household where he has to share with another child to one where he is the only child could be a possible ripple as well. Trust me, we would do this in a heart beat but a child wouldn't consider the consequences of all of these things. The adults have to do this and more than that, they have to consider the child over their own desires and financial benefit or vengence. I hope this gets better for you!

Nancy - posted on 02/09/2012

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I just posted about my 18 yr old son announcing that he wants to go live with his dad. His reason...because he can do whatever he wants there...yes..I feel your hurt...it is terrible...

Becky - posted on 02/08/2012

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I don't have the same story, but my close friend does. Her husband went to work one day and never came back. He left not only his wife but a 12-year-old girl. My friend worked three jobs and raised that child as best she could, providing her with a wonderful home. When the girl got older, about 18, she made the decision to live with her dad who had hardly had anything to do with her for six years... my friend was heart-broken, angry, resentful and frankly a little jealous. Everytime she saw her daughter, she complained about the ex and how he had never been around, pretty soon, she didn't see her daughter very much. Then one day my friend decided to try a new tactic. She never mentioned the dad or how he had forsaken her, she decided to not say anything negative at all and instead, she concentrated on just listening to her child, with little response. Wouldn't you know it, it took two years, but her daughter came around and has told her she realizes and appreciates the many sacrifices her mother made. The girl didn't cut off her relationship with her father, but she developed a new one with her mother.

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