Senior Prom Dilemma

Bie - posted on 03/26/2013 ( 11 moms have responded )

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My recently turned 18 year old daughter is a senior in high school. Her bf is a junior in a neighboring county high school.

Well, I suppose that he'd be properly addressed as her exbf at this time. About two weeks ago, he became her ex-bf because his mother said that he's no longer allowed to talk to my daughter.

Apparently, he got in trouble at school for something and this punishment has been effectively metered out against my daughter also. I've asked my daughter what she may know about it and she says that she only knows that one of his teachers called his mother.

It was my understanding that they were going to attend her senior prom together. The prom is next week and my daughter doesn't want to go now. Initially, I wanted to reach out to his mother, but really what can be said...

When my daughter was a junior we did not allow her to date nor have a personal cell phone. We knew that would distract from her academics. She's had a very successful high school career by being focused and has been accepted into seven universities/colleges with some awesome scholarships. I know how this mother feels.


I just hate the fact that my daughter's going to miss out on her senior prom. I just feel so bad for both of them.

What should I do? Sit back and watch this play out? Should I contact his mother? Should I encourage my daughter to go to her prom with friends?

Thanks for any insight-

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Denikka - posted on 03/26/2013

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I'd encourage her to go to the prom with her friends. It's really not fair that your daughter has been hurt by this punishment, but it's really up to the bf's mom. I can think of a few scenarios where I wouldn't let my kids go to prom as a punishment and it would just have to be unfortunate for their date.
But prom is one of those things that only happen once. I never got a chance to go and deeply regret missing out. She can still go and have fun with her friends, even if the guy isn't there.

BethAnn - posted on 03/31/2013

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Well since I remember how alot of girls acted at prom, I would just suggest she go with a bunch of friends in a group- much safer anyways. I did go with a date but in my maturity today I would suggest no serious dating in high school. Stay safe with friends not boyfriends!!!

Marcy - posted on 03/31/2013

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Now I would encourage your daughter to go with friends. My daughter couldn't do either. Her choices caused her to be expelled from her last quarter of her junior year and could not attend her junior prom until after she graduates high school. She is now finished her HSED and has a one month old son and lives with her boyfriend. Who I hope she won't marry. My daughter will be 18 in may. I told her she had to move out and grow up for her babies sake. I am still there for her.

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Bie - posted on 03/31/2013

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BethAnn, you're so right! My jaw dropped at some of the stories I heard from last year. Indeed, the timing couldn't be worse for a serious relationship for any teen, especially mine. They have so many other things to consider, most of all their future.

They're both so very young and should be friends, just as you mentioned. I just hope to encourage her to make the right decision, as there's no do-over for her senior year.

Thank you for your insight and emphasizing the operative word-FRIENDS.

Bie - posted on 03/31/2013

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Marcy, I'm sorry to hear about the trouble that your daughter had. Thank you for sharing your story. All the best! So glad to hear that you are still there for your daughter while taking a firm stand.

In a bit of an update, the young man reached out to my daughter recently and told her that his parents have eased his punishment. Nevertheless, he still won't be able to attend, as now he and his family are traveling out of state for spring break.

Going with friends is my recommendation, too. At this point though, she's maintains that she'd just rather not go to the actual prom. Instead, she'd like to get her hair done and spend prom night at dinner with friends who will also not be attending the prom.

I'm puzzled and ready for the whole thing to be done with.

Bie - posted on 03/26/2013

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Evelyn, I really appreciate your insightful post. I think it's awesome that you went to your prom on your own and had a good time. You also supported your daughter attending both proms with her boyfriend and really made it festive. You can relate to both scenarios.

I keep thinking about my own prom and how I felt pampered. I suppose that I may have projected this on to my daughter. I really have made much about how proms are "supposed" to be, having an escort and such.

I don't want her to have any regrets and so will encourage her to have fun. She's worked very hard.

Thanks for all of your comments and help!

Bie - posted on 03/26/2013

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Thank you, Shawnn. Right now, she's just not willing to consider that. We'll just have to see...=)

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/26/2013

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She can still go and have a good time with her friends. ;-)

Bie - posted on 03/26/2013

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Thank you, Denikka. You made some excellent points and I appreciate not only your response, but sharing your own experience.

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