sex and the 13 year old

Sherri - posted on 02/08/2009 ( 4 moms have responded )




Hi, I would love some advice here. I have a 13 year old step daughter. She is absolutely beautiful, a dark haired exotic beauty. Her facebook photos are concerning me. there are pics of her in a low cut shirt, poised very sexy, hair blowing by a fan or something, sitting provocatively, etc. She got her hair cut and hates it because she thinks it maker her look young when she wants to look sexy (her exact words). She wears very low cut shirts and tight tight clothes, etc. Is it normal for girls this age to be so sexualized? Am I just too old now? I am only the step mom, so I try not to be the disciplinarian, her father just wants to ignore that his daughter is growing into a woman, and her mother is on her 4th husband, (and the one who took the pictures) so no help there. I did make a comment on her facebook that the photos were a bit racy, not my exact words, but tried to make a light hearted comment about the pics. Was this a bad idea? Should I do/say anything or keep my mouth shut? I'm at a total loss here.



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Shelly - posted on 02/08/2009




Hi Sherri,

  It sounds to me that your the only adult in this childs life that gives a rats rip about her and what she path she is choosing to walk down maybe you need to build a relationship with her.  You did not mention if she lives with you or not but if not when she is at your house try to do things with her take her to lunch or go window shopping.  Take her out for an ice cream anything to start getting closer to her and talk to her be honest about were you see this taking her let her know that you care enough about her to talk to her about it. 

  And your next thing is you need to talk to her father about pulling his head out of the sand and act like a father and explain to him were his daughter is headed without a strong father figure in her life.  Explain to him he may not want to admit his daughter is growing up but whats he going to do when she comes home pregnant at 14 all because he didn't pay attention to what she was doing...Yes another dose of harsh reality.  Sherri do not take this lightly you need to be the adult that no one else wants to be for this CHILD!  I will keep you in my prayers.  Just don't let go of her!!!

Rita - posted on 02/08/2009




There  is a great book " Reviving Ophelia" about the conflict young teenagers face as they start to attempt to enter the media supported image of adult hood. It would be a great place to start. Also communicating to your step daughter that you value her for things besides her beauty would be a non intrusive yet supportive and positive stance for a step mom to take. Model your values without criticising her mothers gives her something else to choose from.

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