should i put my 15 year old on birth control? long story, i will explain..

Amanda - posted on 07/10/2009 ( 238 moms have responded )

2

4

0

My hubby and i have found her doing sexual things, with her new b/f, and i talked to her about it, and she said, " Mom, I am not ready for that, I promise I will tell you if I want to have sex." I want her to be put on birth control, just in case, we never leave her alone, but sometimes they are in the living room alone, and we are up stairs, in the office..i need help?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Stacy - posted on 08/13/2009

4

21

1

I agree with over 90% of the people here. I have just had to deal with this same situation in the recent months. I had asked my 14 yr old daughter many times if she had thought that she was even getting close to doing anything that I should be concerned about. She had kept reassuring me that she was not even close to that point. So, trusting her, and thinking that our lines of communication were good, I waited, giving her plenty of opportunities to talk about anything....well, when she did finally tell me that her and her boyfriend had fooled around, she was a week late. They had used a condom, but I told her that I didn't want her to count solely on that for protection..So, two days later after coming clean, she started her period, and I made her an appointment for birth control..I thought that I was ready for a baby at 26, and I was not fully prepared for it, I could not imagine it at the age of 14.

I would not wait...

Dawn - posted on 07/13/2009

3

20

0

I have a 15 year old daughter and I will not be putting her on the birth control pill. Fortunately, we have the ability to set a good envronment for her to grow up in - she has a parent agreed upon list of friends that she is allowed to hang around with, school is her number one priority, with a good education she will have the self confidence to say no thank you. We have been blessed with a wonderful relationship with the boyfriends parents who fortunately have the same goals for their son that we have for our daughter. We have also talked very frankly with the boy, in the presence of our daughter of what is expected in their behaviors. The other thing that I think is very important, we set the ground rules for "dating" and being at the house before our daughter ever even thought about dating. No closed doors, lights are to be left on, seek to have others in the room with you to avoid temptation and protection against misunderstandings, and I know this may sound silly, but there is to be no laying out on the floor. I read a long time ago that this just seems to add to the hormone levels rising and creating conditions that put them into conditions that make it harder to say no to even seemingly innocent actions. Also, we have said from the start that at anytime, if we feel uncomfortable with the level of intimacy we see we are all free to discuss this. This is hard especailly for dad but he has been very good about separating his feelings for seeing his daughter with a boy from what is appropriate for a 15 year old. Hope some of these ideas help others.

[deleted account]

You know, I agree with alot of what has been said here, but with the amount of teen mom's out there, why would you even take that chance. My daughter has promised me she will come to me prior to having sex and I have applauded her for that, however we also went to the doc 6 months ago and put her on the pill to regulate her period. The doctor will get into ALL the consequences and STD's with your daughter before they give her the pill so she will be well educated when she leaves there. And something I did for both my kids, although a bit tasteless I believe. Look up STD pictures on the internet and print them out, let her see what she could end up with. Good Luck!!

[deleted account]

ABSOLUTLY!! Dont you see all these teenagers having babys?? dont take her word for it that its not happening,,because if its not now,,who knows what can happen in the spur of a hot moment.. put her on .. talk to her about it.. people will say your encouraging her to have sex..are you ready to be a grandmother? is she ready to be a mommy ? i soooo disagree with that statment!! you are encouraging SAFE sex... no babys at 15!! 16!!!! 17!!!

Rebecca - posted on 07/11/2009

94

21

1

My first time I was 14 & my aunt was in the next room! Don't wait, put her on the pill! You don't need a pregnant teen, there are enough of them out there already! Other responses were right on too. Always trust your momtuition & protect your daughter even if she protests! I like the idea of saying it is just to regulate her period so she wont feel you dont trust her. If she doesnt trust you she wont talk to you. Good Luck!

238 Comments

View replies by

Lynn - posted on 05/16/2014

1

0

0

I am unfortuantely dealing with this very issue at this very moment. My 15 year old daughter decided to tell us a week ago that she has in fact already had sex with her boyfriend. I am devastated I have done everyhting right raised her in church, talked with her about the consequences, NO dating without supervision and left lines of communication open and still she found a way to do it anyway. She says it was only once and she regrets it but I can not trust anything she says bc he swore it wasnt something she was even thinking about! I am so torn on this subject my question is do you put her on birth control because obviously she is going to do what ever she wants reguardless of what I say or will this make her think she has my blessing to do it again? I do not by ny means condone it or want her to do it but at the same time I don not want her to be a mom at 15? Any advice is welcome I am at a complest crisis mode?

Annette - posted on 04/11/2011

40

33

1

if your going to allow your teen to have an adult relationship and she is already doing adult things and she has started her cycle then yes put her on some sort of bc.I personally am strongly against any child having an adult relationship until they are out of school.. they only have once chance right now to get it right. and when they mess up we as parents are here to help them back up but, the concenquences can be fatal. If you are going to let her carry on like she is grown then she needs a supply of condems too... i mean we wouldnt let our kids play with a dirty needle for the fear of them getting pricked and contracting aids... well they need to know that pregnancy eventually moves out of the house.. but aids will kill you.

Jodie - posted on 03/16/2011

6

34

0

I would definately put her on birth control just to be on the safe side...you don't want any accidents, a baby is for life.

Lola - posted on 03/08/2011

9

36

0

From experience, they never tell you until its too late, no matter how open you are with them about it. My daughters became active long before I knew about it. They said they weren't, but years later confessed. I'd say, if you can get them to cooperate, go for it. Unfortunately, at the age of 16, it isn't up to the parents anymore, but supporting them is if they get pregnant. I don't understand that, but I am thankful my daughter didn't get pregnant until she was 19. That was still too young as she still isn't grown up herself. The state of Vermont still assumes I'm going to support them even though she is now nearly 21, and I can't. So unless you can afford, or desire, to take care of a child of any teenage couple, I'd say go for it.

Sepricia - posted on 08/20/2009

14

12

2

When my daughter told me she thought she was ready I made her an appointment the next day. Teens are going to do what they want, we can only do our best to protect them from themselves.

[deleted account]

I would get her on birth control. Explain to her that when she decides that it is the right time, you want her to be prepared! Sometimes it is in the heat of the moment! The pill takes a few weeks to be effective. MUCH education is needed however as far as to how it works, how to take it to prevent pregnancy, and that it doesn't prevent STD's! I would give her some condoms also. Keep the lines of communication open and make sure she has some sex ed. Many times they will open up to an unbiased person (a nurse or the doctor).

[deleted account]

I would get her on birth control. Explain to her that when she decides that it is the right time, you want her to be prepared! Sometimes it is in the heat of the moment! The pill takes a few weeks to be effective. MUCH education is needed however as far as to how it works, how to take it to prevent pregnancy, and that it doesn't prevent STD's! I would give her some condoms also. Keep the lines of communication open and make sure she has some sex ed. Many times they will open up to an unbiased person (a nurse or the doctor).

Jeannette - posted on 08/19/2009

911

3

78

oh, sorry...I would put her on bc if you are suspicious. Better to be safe and cover that base, than to be sorry!

Jeannette - posted on 08/19/2009

911

3

78

I am going through something similar now. My 15 yo is very eager to try new things. She has snuck out with boys that are not her bf, to go skateboarding with her sister at 1 in the morn. I got scared. I put her on the Nuvi (sp?) ring because she and I agreed she would not keep up with a pill. She wore it for 3 weeks, took it out, and experienced the worst cramps, nausea, and had clots for the first time ever. The doctor immediately took her off. I talked to my daughter about it and let her know, if you can't handle the prevention, you can't handle the pregnancy. She agreed and was really scared by what she went through. She says this was a wake up call for her. She hasn't been all the way (the doctor doesn't think so anyway) but now maybe she'll be afraid to go all the way.

Julie - posted on 08/19/2009

14

11

0

Definitely. Most kids won't tell their parents when they first have sex, even if they say they will. I would also explain that she still needs to use other precautions as the pill will not prevent certain STI's. Kids will try sex whether they are taking contraception or not so you are better to put her on the pill and be a responsible parent.

Angela - posted on 08/13/2009

2

31

0

I think all teens say they aren't having sex when they are you should 1st see her doctor and yes get her on birth control i was 16 when i had my son i was not on birth control i wish i had been but i was very nieve so do what's best for her.

[deleted account]

My daughter is 16. I had her when I was 16. I say YES! If you don't want to be a young grandma! I felt that I was watching my daughter very close due to my past in that dept. but my husband and I found out they she had been having sex with her boyfriend for a while. We had a long talk with her and she is no longer allowed to go over to the boyfriends house ( They don't have the same rules over at his house I guess!) And birth control. I don't think it makes her a bad kid, but if she wants to have sex bad enough she will find a way....

Lavonne - posted on 08/12/2009

5

6

0

I have an 18 year old girl with whom I have a very open relationship. She has mentioned the pill to help with difficult periods, so we have had the discussion. She is president of the local SADD chapter, had a boyfriend for two years and still has not had sex. I was honest with her and told her I had many regrets in my life and having sex too early was one of them. I know the long term side effects of the pill can be problematic. Would it hurt to buy a box of condoms for her to keep with her, just in case? I guess that would be my first step if she were to tell me she thought it was going to happen. I have told my 18 and 16 year old, just ask I will get them for you no questions asked. I think, in this situation, since the boy is an equal partner in the decision, he can take equal responsibility for preventing pregnancy. Yes, my son turns ten shades of red with this conversation, but he knows he can talk to me about it!

Dawn - posted on 08/12/2009

2

4

0

I had the same questions about my 13 year old. Yes, 13!! I took her immediately to her pediatrician and had a little talk with her before she met with my daughter and explained the situation. She was totally prepared to get as much information as she could from her, as well as give her all the information she needed. I'm definitely not an advocate of teen sex...but in REALITY I realize what happens as a teenager and would much rather her be informed and prepared than end up with a lifelong STD or pregnancy. It's a difficult realization to come to...but it's reality.

Raquel - posted on 08/11/2009

9

31

2

Do it...also do the gardisil shot to protect her for later in life...

kids are kids and most htink that SEX was INVENTED for teenagers...

also you dont want to have to make "other decisions" later on..

horray for us moms who do it for their safety...good luck honey.

Julie - posted on 08/10/2009

4

8

0

My fifteen year old got pregnant at 14. Please either stop this behavior or get the birth control!!!! I preached about abstinence, morals, act like a lady, keep your clothes on, stay with adults, etc. She kept saying, I won't , I won't, I'm not like you as a teen. Blah, blah, blah. She was on the pill about a year ago for painful periods; now I wish she had stayed on them.

Naomi - posted on 08/09/2009

2

5

0

I have a 15 yr old girl and she is on the pill. It was initially for bad period pains but now she has an 18 yr old 'serious' relationship and i am so glad that she is on it......

I know that she is 'active' as she told me, its more than just the pill though and pregnancy, they need to know that it does not keep away STD's etc..... goodluck all will be ok :)

Julie - posted on 08/08/2009

2

14

0

I have my 16 year old on Birth Control since she was just passed 16. I have taught her about abstinence til marriage, STD's (including showing her the pics), about never being able to get the first time back, about teachings in the bible about what is right and wrong. We have had a fairly open communication about even before she understood what it was let alone even cared. When she started becoming serious with boys at the age of 14, I told her that if she felt like she should start birth control, to come to me and we would do it. she finally came to me and said that she had not been having sex but was afraid she might be in a situation at some time when she may give in. Honestly, I suspect that she had already had sex at this point. She has been on the depo ever since. just today, she confessed to me that she has had sex with a former boyfriend. she tells me that the reason they broke up was that afterwards, actually after about the 3rd time, she started telling him that she did not want this to happen anymore because "it did not feel right" she said that he got mad at her and she finally broke up with him. This was a boy that I had a great lot of trust and confidence in. A "good boy". Straight A student, active in 3 school sports a year, always seemed to obey his parents, etc. I thank God that she did not get pregnant before she was on birth control, if my suspicions are correct about her having sex. She also told me that she would tell me if she did start having sex, but she didn't and only confessed after I confronted her about this information because someone else suggested to me that she was telling other people about it. I resisted birth control for her, because of not wanting her to feel she was being given permission. My husband, her stepfather, is the one who actually pushed for it more. and when she did start it I made sure she understood that this was not permission, and I still expected her to stay a virgin until marriage.

Barbi - posted on 08/06/2009

10

44

0

I talked to my 15 year olds Dr. and he is hesitant to put her on any form of BC. His thoughts are that if you take away the fear of pregnancy, you will certainly have a child who is sexually active. He did have a very frank discussion with her and I really think that it helped to have someone other than her father and myself explain the risks of being sexually active to her. She also works at a day care center where she deals with some pretty high maintenance kids. I would recommend that every teen work or volunteer at a day care. It gives them a clue on what parents go through. We will be forgoing the BC for now, but I think we have a great flow of communication now thanks to the Dr.'s help.

Barbi - posted on 08/06/2009

10

44

0

I talked to my 15 year olds Dr. and he is hesitant to put her on any form of BC. His thoughts are that if you take away the fear of pregnancy, you will certainly have a child who is sexually active. He did have a very frank discussion with her and I really think that it helped to have someone other than her father and myself explain the risks of being sexually active to her. She also works at a day care center where she deals with some pretty high maintenance kids. I would recommend that every teen work or volunteer at a day care. It gives them a clue on what parents go through. We will be forgoing the BC for now, but I think we have a great flow of communication now thanks to the Dr.'s help.

Ana - posted on 08/05/2009

9

16

1

Hi I would put her on birth control its not that you dont trust her its the boys I worry aboute becaues they all ways make a girl feal bad if they dont want to do things so to be safe i would.

Beth - posted on 08/05/2009

7

17

0

Yes, you should put her on some form of birth control. Take her to the doctor and discuss with them what would be the best form for her.

Nicolle - posted on 08/04/2009

27

3

4

I definitely would especially since you've already caught them doing things.

Marti - posted on 08/02/2009

7

20

0

If she is having sex she needs to be on birth control. Unless your ready to take care of a baby...

Sue - posted on 08/02/2009

3

0

0

Honestly I would say NO! Trust your daughter and she will tell you when she's ready. Keep the comunication lines open and suggest or give her condoms. Why give her system something that will give her false security against something worse then pregnancy...STD

Patty - posted on 08/02/2009

1

12

0

Have to agree with mostly everyone here...put her on birth control...I have a 15 yr. old daughter...

Deirdre - posted on 08/02/2009

17

23

0

Oh yea.. If they are that close and you have caught them..doing sexual things, I would if it was me. I have a 14 year old. Right now, we don't allow boys over, but I constantly stress the "sex thang" with her and her friends. I had her when I was 19 and I also have little cousins that have had children young. So for your sake, do it.

Pearl - posted on 08/02/2009

6

10

0

Get her on Birth Control NOW !! before you become a Grandma...... But remember the most important birth control is condoms. These could save her life ( STD's and Cervical Cancer)

So my suggestion is to be honest with her, tell her the down sides of not having birth control and as horrific a tenn pregnancy is, a life threatening STD is worse.

Best of luck :-)

Kendra - posted on 07/31/2009

3

1

0

try not to leave them alone , prolong that situation as long as you can. just think of it as checking on the babys ha ha , my daughters 16 and I'm always saying remember to tell me . and then I think well she just might be to embarassed to come to me and say "well mom i think I need the pill now"so maybe a doctors confendence might be what she needs

Kristi - posted on 07/31/2009

3

1

0

It is sad to say but really by the time they get around to talking to you about it..and you getting a appt scheduled and getting them started on birth control you are going to be looking at her actually not getting the birth control working effectively for probably close to a month.....I have been here with my daughter also.... I told her and her boyfriend that I disagreed with what they choose to do but, I had to protect her.. I also through out there for a reality check for both of them, I said to the boyfriend " honestly here you aren't planning on marrying my daughter"" he agreed right in front of her....

Just wanted her to see it wasn't that true love at 16. They actually dated for 3 years though.. I told them also since i didn't agree with them choosing to do it... I let them know I wouldn't make it easy for them to find time to do it. I put her on the shot.

I'm glad that i did. She since has had 3 friends get pregnant....also make sure she understands when taking antibiotics that she is has no protect for about 4 weeks. Good luck I know it is really hard....

Kristi - posted on 07/31/2009

3

1

0

It is sad to say but really by the time they get around to talking to you about it..and you getting a appt scheduled and getting them started on birth control you are going to be looking at her actually not getting the birth control working effectively for probably close to a month.....I have been here with my daughter also.... I told her and her boyfriend that I disagreed with what they choose to do but, I had to protect her.. I also through out there for a reality check for both of them, I said to the boyfriend " honestly here you aren't planning on marrying my daughter"" he agreed right in front of her....

Just wanted her to see it wasn't that true love at 16. They actually dated for 3 years though.. I told them also since i didn't agree with them choosing to do it... I let them know I wouldn't make it easy for them to find time to do it. I put her on the shot.

I'm glad that i did. She since has had 3 friends get pregnant....also make sure she understands when taking antibiotics that she is has no protect for about 4 weeks. Good luck I know it is really hard....

Kristi - posted on 07/31/2009

3

1

0

It is sad to say but really by the time they get around to talking to you about it..and you getting a appt scheduled and getting them started on birth control you are going to be looking at her actually not getting the birth control working effectively for probably close to a month.....I have been here with my daughter also.... I told her and her boyfriend that I disagreed with what they choose to do but, I had to protect her.. I also through out there for a reality check for both of them, I said to the boyfriend " honestly here you aren't planning on marrying my daughter"" he agreed right in front of her....

Just wanted her to see it wasn't that true love at 16. They actually dated for 3 years though.. I told them also since i didn't agree with them choosing to do it... I let them know I wouldn't make it easy for them to find time to do it. I put her on the shot.

I'm glad that i did. She since has had 3 friends get pregnant....also make sure she understands when taking antibiotics that she is has no protect for about 4 weeks. Good luck I know it is really hard....

Melissa - posted on 07/31/2009

4

9

0

Better safe than having her pregnant at such a young age. You don't have to condone something you prevent. Besides, if she wants to have sex you r not gonna stop her unless you lock her up.

Tammy - posted on 07/31/2009

3

6

0

I'm 38 and a grandma.....my sons girlfriend wasnt on the pill....and other protection didnt work.....they were both 19 at the time.....I would...

Dianne - posted on 07/30/2009

7

20

1

hi there i've got my 15yr old on the pill shes been on it for about a yr now and i just explaind to her that it was mainly to regulate her monthly flow and so that she is ready for when she becomes sexually active but also stress the point of condoms as pregnancy is only for 9 months but std is forever. i raised my children with the knowledge of if its not on its not on if it falls off get off and that was said both to my sons and my daughters.

Joyce - posted on 07/30/2009

1

7

0

Sit down with her and explain that when she is ready, then her body needs to be ready also. She should be on the pill for a month before she has intercourse for maximum protection. Also, when a person decides they are ready, it usually happens in the heat of the moment. I also took my daughter to the drug store and showed her where to buy condoms and explained she should always have one and insist the young man wear one. This is about protecting her from std's--not his comfort or pleasure!

Michelle - posted on 07/30/2009

2

4

0

My then 15 year old daughter said the same thing to me. I wanted to trust and believe her.I am now the (proud) grandmother of a beautiful 20 month old little girl.I wouldn't trade her for the world,but put your daughter on birth control,please.These days,15 year olds are not the (children) we need them to be.My daughter has since graduated highschool and has moved on to higher learning,but your family does not need the added stress on possibly raising a baby born to a baby.You say that you don't leave them alone, but where there is a will there is a way.I do not know you or your daughter nor am I judging you,but this is not a path that you want to travel down if ypu don't have to.Get the pills

NATASHA - posted on 07/30/2009

1

5

0

YES BECAUSE YOU NEVER NO WHAT CAN HAPPEN.NOT SAYING THAT IT'S OK FOR HER TO GO OUT AND HAVE SEX IF YOU PUT HER ON BIRTH CONTROL BUT JUST TO BE ON THE SAFE SIDE.

Marquita - posted on 07/29/2009

27

15

0

Yes i would put her on the pill if u have caught her doing sexual things already it's best to be safe than sorry

Karon - posted on 07/29/2009

6

1

0

Wow. I can speak from experience. My daughter came and asked me if she could go on the pill when she was 15. I was pregnant with our sixth. The difference I suppose is that she had been going out with her boyfriend for a year and a half already. I told her that I would prefer her to use condoms and she said "we are going to but we want to be doubly safe", which gave me heart because it told me that they hadn't "done it" yet, but were talking or planning it. I took her to a women's clinic and let her go in with the doctor on her own, after a brief explanation about why she was there. The doctor told her all the information she needed from a medical point of view to make a decision and I had already had a chat to her about committment beforehand. She came out with a prescription for the pill which we filled, but she took over that responsibility after that first time. She is still with her boyfriend after four years, so I guess that I'm telling you that open lines of communication are the best and you have to trust her if she says she will tell you. The only thing I would say is that we have a rule about it not being out in the open because we have younger children. Good luck

Charlene - posted on 07/28/2009

8

31

1

Hi there I myself have a 16 year old now,and shes not sexually active at the moment,She says shes not and i should trust her word.However i had my doubts about it when she was 14,so far there hasnt been any pregnancy or BFriends that she brings home so I can say we are safe,I was 16 when i birthed her so im quite Protective about Boy issues etc .We her dad and i never let her have Bf so I think thats why we have been safe.In saying that no you cant lock up ur Daughters haha.

What our Daughter was doing behide our backs is another thing.I was going to put her on the pill. We didnt I took her word for it.

If she is sexually active the comdoms are a better option because i Feel starting birth control so young can make her Sterile later on in life?and condoms protect getting Std and STI The pill dosent.

just because she is exsprimenting her sexuall desires the pill isnt the option..

thats my opinion.Just speaking from my own personal life,not my 16 year old i was just letting you know i have a daughter one year older.

Good Luck..mother of 6

3 daughter ages 16y, 13y, 10y

3 sons ages 15y, 8y, 14months

im aged 33yearz hope this helps..

Kerry - posted on 07/28/2009

1

2

0

I don't see any problem with it just let her know that it just in case moment like it just happen, i didn't know that we were going to do anything, I didn't think it was going to go that far I just wasn't thinking ... you know what i mean

[deleted account]

make sure you call the boys parents too they need to know what is going on that way he is prepared as well, it does take two and both need to protect themselves and then talk to the boy himself ask him what his intentions are maybe that might slow the process down lol....but please be open and honest with her and tell her all the negatives about having sex...aids,stds etc....and please tell her how important it is to take the pill everyday at the same time cuz its not effect unless she is faithful to taking it....good luck

Tammy - posted on 07/28/2009

1

8

0

I have a 17 year old girl. When she was 16 she had a long lasting relationship(1 yr 6 mo). I approached her and we made an appointment. She always said that she would wait until she got married but then peer pressure and boy pressure was weighing on her. She was protected but thank goodness the relationship ended and nothing became of it. Remember-- If you are thinking about it-- Go with your gut. I have always told my daughter that having a child is not a bad thing, it would really change the dynamics of her life and the future she wants.Good Luck!!

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms