SHOULD THEY BE ALLOWED

MRS DARLENE - posted on 03/27/2010 ( 54 moms have responded )

17

19

0

SHOULD TEENAGERS BE ABLE TO SET THEIR CURFEWS

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Ruth - posted on 03/29/2010

21

9

1

My teenagers discuss with me what their plans are and agree to taking a cell phone with them in case of problems, we negotiatie a return time based on trust and past history. They fully understand that any inappropriate behaviour will incur an earlier curfew and this is not negotiable. Trust is earned by both parents and teenagers, leading by example has made it easier for me and my teenagers to get through these sorts of issues without too many headaches or arguments. Communication is the key

54 Comments

View replies by

SinaJolene - posted on 10/10/2016

4

0

0

The curfew for my 14 yo is 8 pm on if next day is a school day, otherwise 11 pm. But it's not a hard curfew, there are lots of exceptions. If I know where she is, I'm usually okay with her being out later.

Amanda - posted on 09/28/2016

128

0

10

Parents need to set curfew for those under 18 as to when they need to be in doors. However teenagers should be able to set their own bed times as they need to learn how much sleep their body needs as it varies person to person

Nellynunes148 - posted on 09/03/2016

164

0

0

The curfew we imposed on our 16 and 14 year olds have been implemented for the past 2years and we have never had issues

Nellynunes148 - posted on 09/03/2016

164

0

0

Our 16 and 14 year olds have curfews, they need to be home by 7pm, if they are going out with friends with no adults present. If its a school dance either me or my husband will go pick them up after the dance. My 12 and 10 year olds don't have a curfew they aren't allowed to go out without a parent or a family member

Maria - posted on 11/16/2012

9

0

0

No. I think they need us to make that rule. Or I would feel that my teenagers 18 and 15. Would come home when they felt like it.

Tracy - posted on 11/14/2012

14

0

1

NO! Are these teenagers driving? Because why in the world would you just let your teenager out doing God knows what as long as they are home by a certain time. It sounds crazy to me! My daughter is 15 and I allow her to maybe stay over at a girlfriends house on the weekend as long as I know the parents! and there is parental supervision! I NEVER allow my daughter to go anywhere with out parental supervision! Unless it is a school event with Teacher supervision! We live in a big city and it is a dangerous world that we live in!

Sally - posted on 11/13/2012

963

14

9

It depends on the maturity and responsibility of the teenager, the activity, and how early they have to get up tomorrow (and how well they get up on limited sleep). It should definitely be negotiated especially for an older teen or a special activity. They're never going to learn to control their own schedule if they can't practice with parental guidance.

My daughters aren't teens yet, but based on their behavior so far and our schedule, I don't see them having much of one either unless we have to be somewhere the next morning.

Leigh - posted on 11/11/2012

23

0

0

My son at 14 didnt do as he was told. He drove everyone crazy. Then my daughter at 14 tried the same thing. Fortunately, the school had a programme where he could choose any country in the world that he would like to homestay and learn of the area. The school wanted him out too. He wanted to go to America and so we found a married couple with three children; working, professional couple. Being of normal children, their children were not like my son. Not long after he arrived, he decided the rules of their home were not for him. I understand the husband and wife had very lengthy chats with him everynight regarding his disagreement. While their well-behaved children carried on with the rules of the home.

Nelly - posted on 11/01/2010

290

2

17

No I feel that it`s the parents responsibility to set curfews based on age and maturity.

Teresa - posted on 04/26/2010

30

7

0

NO!!!! If they could set their own curfews, they would be called adults and they sure wouldn't need parents to guide them.

Kim - posted on 04/16/2010

6

20

0

It would depend on how old they are and how mature they are. If it is a reasonable curfew that they set and if they make it on time then I would say yes. My 16 year old daughter has a 9p.m. curfew on school nites, but is in the house by 7 and midnight on the weekend but is usually in by 9 unless staying over at a friends or out with friends then she makes it home by 11.

Chris - posted on 04/16/2010

96

13

8

Depends on the age of the teen. If they are 18 & out of school they should have a time you 'd like them to be in, but don't make it sound like a curfew or they will rebel, if they are still in school I'd say yes to a curfew, they need the proper rest to do well in school & be able to get the education for the best job possible. Right now my 13 year old is to be home by dark or 700 pm whichever is first during school or weekends she definatly dark, but can stay up as late as she wants as long as she's in the house.

Louise - posted on 04/15/2010

5,429

69

2322

It depends if they are realistic or not. Some kids want to stay up late for the sake of staying up late. An experiment on the tv the other day gave 10 year olds the option to stay up until 11pm every night for a week. All the children stayed up every night for the week but were unable to get out of bed for school and were sleepy and niggley all day. The following week they had to go to bed at 8.30 - much to there disgust. Every child went to bed under protest but every child got up for school without a problem. The kids were tested at the end of each week with a mental apptitude test. After a week of late nights the 10 year olds had a mental ability to solve problems of a 7 year old.After a week of early nights they had a mental ability of a 12 year old. So it just goes to show how much sleep is to blame for all those grumpy kids out there.

Kellean - posted on 04/11/2010

114

13

3

As far as the parents on here who are against negotiating with your teens. How old are your children? Are they old enough to go out? The question wasn't asked about dating rules they asked about curfews in general. It is good to set a curfew and it is good to work with your teens on the curfews. It really depends what they are doing and who they are doing it with. If you have a good relationship with your teen then everything will work out well. I do have teens. I also have a daughter who is an adult and I worked with her on the time to come home when she was a teen. We worked together. She turned out great! Communication is the key.

Victoria - posted on 04/11/2010

47

16

1

No, We as parents have to have some ground rules. Giving them curfews are good for them.

Kellean - posted on 04/09/2010

114

13

3

It truly just depends on the teen. We are have the same standards no dating till your 16 and so forth. If your child is on a date and is 16 to 18 and in high school then the kids can stay out till midnight. Unless they are with a group of good friends and stay in contact with us we will let them stay out later. When our daughter was 19 going to school and working we let her stay out whenever. We don't have trust issues in our house like most parents. We have really good children who keep the rules and do the right thing. Kids aren't perfect. However, as long as you are communicating with your teens and they are out with a group. Just keep the line of communication open. This isn't about not parenting and being friends with the kids. This is about raising teens to be responsible adults. If you do it right you have nothing to worry about. Some parents are really strict and extreme, In a lot of cases if you go too far you will get nothing but grief. Your kids will be okay if they just communicate with you. I have known too many parents that go too far and too extreme with their rules. Their kids rebel later on. If you want your child to respect you, you need to respect them. Parent's don't always get that. It is true though you need to respect you teen if you want the same kind of respect.

Tina - posted on 04/09/2010

9

25

0

My 16 yr old and I agreed on a curfew of 9:30 on week days and 10:30 on weekends. But I agree with many other moms when you have communication with your teens and an understanding of the rules it's a little easier. My daughter also has a cell phone where if anything goes wrong or if things change she know to call in advance. good luck

Senobia - posted on 04/09/2010

22

8

4

Yep.

Once they work, have their own home, their own car, pay their own bills and can make it without your help. Absolutely.

Otherwise........pfffffffffffft.

[deleted account]

ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! You are the parent, be one!! My daughter whom is almost nineteen had a curfew all the way up until she graduated high school. Even now, not having a curfew, she has been told to be at home at a reasonable time. I do not want to stay up all night long waiting to know she is home safe and not dead somewhere. She is very responsible and always has been. Teens are given way too much freedom and parents are too busy being friends not parents because they want to their kids to have "fun" and have "experience". We have always had an open line of communication in our house and our kids know where we stand. Our rules are and have always been no dating Monday through Thursday (the week is too busy for all of us), Friday's and Saturday's be home by midnight, Sundays are family days nothing else. Our children are not able to date until the age of sixteen and no sooner. You can never be too careful these days. You really need to ask yourself do want to see your child the next day or do you want to say goodbye? It's really your choice, but with your choice there will be a consequence.

Kellean - posted on 04/08/2010

114

13

3

I totally agree with Ruth. If that trust has been earned then yes. I always negotiate with my teens. They have their cell phones and I know exactly who they are with and what they are doing. If I need them home by a certain time I can call them. They will always call if they want to do something different from what we discussed. They call to get permission. I never set an exact time. I remember being a teen at 17 if I wasn't home exactly at ten even just ten minutes late I would get in serious trouble. I was a good teen and wasn't doing anything bad. I have learned that I don't want to be that kind of parent. If you trust your teen and know what is going on then keep that line of communication open. Work with your teen.

Yolanda - posted on 04/08/2010

2

26

0

NOOOOOOO.....lol but were I live there is a curfew if your under 18 so thats good for me. My kids are'nt reckless like that tho. So I guess it depends on where you live.

Kathy - posted on 04/07/2010

1

10

0

Absolutely NOT! what in the world are you thinking! You are the parent, you make the rules, you are the BOSS!!! Right or wrong you are always right!!!

Rhonda - posted on 04/04/2010

20

30

3

As long as it is a reasonable time in your eyes. It is important to have a 2 sided conversation but you are the parent and know your child best. Also who are they with and where are they at?

[deleted account]

This is crazy no one thinks a teen can be responsible. You are all right to a point and wrong to a point. Yes you should check to see if your town has a curfew but if not look at the maturity level of your child. If the child has a high maturity level then let them make their own curfew first. Then if it gets to be a problem then you set the curfew. This gives your child a chance to be responsible and learn from the mistake they make by going to far. If the child is a trouble maker and most parents will not admit that their child is a trouble maker then set a reasonable curfew that fits the maturity level of the child. I found this out from a child psycologist friend of mine. The teen years are the most important part of their growth as adults. If parents push and impose rules on those that really do not need it then that is the reason most teens get in major trouble. If you show your child respect as an adult you are more likly to get want you want from your teen. If you continue to treat your teen as a little kid then you and your teen will fight and they will do things they are not supossed too. You have to let go and let them make their own mistakes otherwise they will not learn how to be adults. This is what is wrong with this country now. to many laws that do not let our teens be teens and not enough things for them to do like there was when you were teens. No more drive ins, the teens are not allowed to hang out anywhere. This why there are gangs and violence. When I was a teen we could go to the mall and hang out or go to the local ice cream place to hang and we also had a teen club to go to and now there is nothing. If you and your teen are fighting all the time then its time to get in touch with a psycologist and work on letting your teen make their own decissions.

[deleted account]

Absolutely not!!!! Ask them what they feel is fair and them compromise. Find out what the city ordinance law is in your town and use that. In my town anyone under 18 cannot be out past midnight. It also depends on their ages. At 13,14- 10:30 on weekends and 9 on scholl nights. 15-16 I set the curfew at midnight-absolutely no compromise! Good Luck!

Advocacy4u2 - posted on 04/02/2010

19

0

3

The law sets the curfew. Where I live under 14 is 10pm and at 15 it is midnight. My son is very responsible and has only wanted to stay out a couple of times - I let him and he came home way before the legal curfew!! lol. Can't beat that :) My oldest was a whole different story. He was very ill and wasn't ever allowed to stay out anywhere. As an adult, he prefers home to being out and about at night. It depends on the teen and the law! Judging by the answers of others - the area in which you reside factors in to the curfew as well - we live in an awesome town where trouble is few and far between (didn't use to so this is a wonderful change!!). I don't worry about my son's safety on the rare occasions when he is out at night.

Deb - posted on 04/02/2010

8

18

1

I don't think teenagers are emotionally ready to set their own curfews. (Thankfully, in my town, there is a 10 p.m. curfew and the police will pick up kids on the street after that and bring them home). I think that teens have way too much exposure to dangers and temptations these days and it's way too easy for them to get into trouble. On rare occasions (like a school dance or something) an exception can be made, but that is still not their decision to make.

Alice - posted on 04/02/2010

8

21

1

It all goes with how responsible they are with other things, like coming home on your curfew time set.

Lisa - posted on 04/01/2010

9

14

0

Definatly not. Teenagers hate rules but they actully feel saver and secure with rules.They wont admit it though. Curfews for older teens should be a decision made with compremise. sit down and discuss and make an agreement xx loosen the chain slightly but be ready to tighten it, if their messing about also give less money and tell them they will have to earn their own poket money(. keep them in lots of sport they'll be too tired to stay out late.

[deleted account]

I disagree completly with the hole curfew thing. I never had a curfew and my son do not either. Again I want to stress that we do live in a bad neighborhood and both my 10yro and my 16yro are in by dark. We had someone shoot an ak47 off my neighbors back poarch one night a few months ago and there was a murder right acroos the road within the site of our home that has caused my boys to want to be in the saftey of our home at night. If my 16yro old wants to go hang at a freinds house and is going to be out after dark he calls me to let me know where he is and when to come and get him. Even if we did not live in a bad neighborhood I know he would still call and ask if he can stay out later because we used to live in a great neighborhood and that is what he has always done. I really think it depends on the maturity level of your teen. My son dose not drive and neither do any of his friends. They all live with in walking distance so no car is needed.They are not allowed at the malls here without an adult present and they are not allowed to "cruise" either. To be honest there may be a curfew for teens here but I really do not know. I think the reason why teens get into so much trouble is because many cities do not have activities for teens outside of church and that is ashamed. I feel like our children are being punished just for being kids.

Kerri - posted on 04/01/2010

8

4

0

This is an opinion question and I don't want to offend any moms in our circle so in my opinion I say no. Adults can set thier own curfew. Teenagers need a curfew set by a parent that is responsible for them. Obviously their only train of thought when they are our is having a good time, not watching the time. So it may even be a good idea for a parent to pick them up a) to know where they are at and b) to make sure they are home by curfew. I'm just sayin'.

Tonya - posted on 04/01/2010

1

21

0

NO!!!! I really do not think so we have a curfew here for children under 18 but I just went through this with my daughter. She wanted to come in after curfew time which was 10pm. I wouldn't allow it so she chosed to move out of my home as soon as she turned 18 on the 4th of Nov. 2009. Everyone asks me how I feel about that now, "she is grown how am I supposed to feel about it"..., Not to get off the subject but if you cant set rules in your house for child to follow what is it you supposed to do? My daughter had her cell phone with her at all times but never would call me and let me know anything if she'll be late or what so that would leave me up pacing the floor wandering if she 's okay or not. Curfew works for some not all like you all have said it really depends on the child. Long as they are under 16 curfew is fine after they hit 17 its over with.

Tracy - posted on 04/01/2010

234

0

35

No. You set the curfews. They abide by them. Period. However, older teens should have a later curfew than younger teens IF and only if they have proven that they are responsible and trustworthy. Nobody knows your kids like you do, so you have to be the one to determine how late a curfew they can handle. My 15 year old must be in by 10 pm on weekends, and he doesn't go out at all on school nights, unless it's church or a school related event, but those activities have him home by 8:30 or 9:00. Next year he will be driving, so I am thinking of giving him until 10:30. Wow, I am pretty strict, I guess, lol! : ) Our city allows teens to be out until 11:00pm on weekends, but I'm not that generous!

Tracy - posted on 04/01/2010

8

22

0

I have always imposed a curfew only because it seems that after 10pm (for 16 and under) they seem to go a little crazy in the dark and would do things they normally wouldn't do in the day time, as far as my 18 yr old, when he was in school it was 10 pm then when he graduated , I let him decide, sometimes he comes home at 10, 12, or even 3 am, he is responsible and drives and hasn't been involved in any altercations with anyone, he himself has said that alot of the kids in highschool , would be able to stay out later but they would go to keg parties and such, so I believe a little restrait goes a long way ! Hope this helps.

Valerie - posted on 04/01/2010

901

29

172

Curfews are set by the parents and bedtimes are sometimes left up to the child. You are responsible if you allow your child to be out and there is a city ordinance on curfew. I would make sure there is no city curfew first. I would set my child up for sucess by having a curfew and the time would depend on the age. Even though kids act like we are killing them if we give them limits, they need and want them...

Carol - posted on 03/31/2010

10

27

0

NO!!!!! You may have a very good and responsible kid but they need to learn boundries and YOU need to set them. I am a paramedic and I see the result of those wonderfully responsible kids who are out at hours they shouldn't be. It may be as innocent as them driving at a speed they can't handle or may be drugs or alcohol involved. Did you know that after 2am on weekends statistically 50% of drivers are under the influence? You want a child of yours to be driving with a bunch of other drivers who are drunk? It takes 5 years for a new driver to become average in their driving skills. AVERAGE, not proficient. I have 3 daughters who have gone through teens (one to go) and I wouldn't dream of letting them make their own curfew. My girls were all very good and obedient children but they needed to see that our home had rules and limits they needed to respect. If you don't teach them that lesson now, they will have to learn it the hard way when they are working and don't respect their employer's rules and limits. BE the parent and raise them with the lessons they need to learn now, before it is too late.

[deleted account]

My son (16) has no curfew. He calls me and ask if he can stay out later. But at times it dose backfire on me and he forgets or tries to take advantage of it. When this happens I do impose a curfew for a while to teach him responsability. My son and do not see eye to eye on most things but the one thing we do agree on is his being able to say my mom knows where I am and when I will be home. We live in a bad neighborhood and we have had our share of gun scares here so he dosen't wonder to far from home at night.

Jane - posted on 03/30/2010

3

16

0

NO!!! Absolutely not!!! As long as they are in your home you set the rules. You do want to make sure that your rules are not to strict. For example if the law states curfew is at ten pm and your 16, and that is what your curfew is then I would say your on track. If they are 16 and you want then in at dark then you may want to loosen the strings a bit. My son is 14 and he has to be in at 8 to 830. I did get him a cell phone this last year so I could call him and he can call me. I want him to be able to tell me when he moves from one house to another. I am also flexible when he is at a friends house that I know. Sometimes he can stay until ten and I just go pick him up.

Stephanie - posted on 03/30/2010

0

0

1

I have a 14 and a 16 year old and for me yes there is a curfew there is to much going on out there in the streets and I would say if they are not involved in some sort of activity like community services or something other then hanging out with friends there need to be a curfew only for there on protection. My teens do come home at a acceptable and reasonable hour and I have occasionally made some acceptions with the time. But not alot.

I guess my question would be how old are your teens and what type of curfew are you asking about?

Kari - posted on 03/30/2010

15

36

0

no, but they shoild have a say in it. depends on their age, their attitude and the area you live in. and let them know there are exceptions, (a special reason for extended cerfew) but a cerfew is not a bad thing.

Angie - posted on 03/28/2010

12

17

0

I would advise No. They are teenagers for a reason, not adults. My 16 yr old has a curfew of b4 dark. Occasionally, I may let him stay out if i know exactly where he is and who he is with. But that dont happen often. I must say that he is a pretty responsible person, but still is a teenager.

Geraldine - posted on 03/28/2010

23

20

2

Depends on the type of teenager they are and how old they are. In by 11pm after the age of 16 is ok but younger then that id say 10pm.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms