Sleepovers with opposite sex

Kerrie - posted on 12/30/2009 ( 95 moms have responded )

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My son has just turned 16 and is wanting to sleep at his girlfriends house all the time and her at our house, I'm not keen on the idea.

They haven't been going out for long, I feel like we argue all the time over this and his attitude has changed so much since they started going out. What do I do?

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Jlberry - posted on 09/14/2012

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Hi everyone, I'm 15 about to turn 16, have a girlfriend, and have the exact same problem with my mother. I just want everyone to know, yes my hormones are running wild and I have the pimples to prove it, but when I'm with my girlfriend I am perfectly capable of controlling myself. I'm not thinking how I could be having sex. She's my friend first and I'm perfectly capable of having a normal conversation with her. Hell I have a great time with her. I just want all you moms to know that trusting your child is very important to him/her and if they feel that you trust them, they will be honest. They will talk to you and tell you whats on their minds. But if you tell them they can't see their girlfriend/boyfriend, I can guarantee they will lie to you. If I were to stay at her house tonight, I would not want to have sex with her, I'd rather sit around and talk. I understand, your house your rules, but if you give your child opportunities to think for themselves, you'll be surprised by how responsible they can be.

Ps. If you say no, they'll raise all hell. I've done it to my parents and they'll do it to you-you've been warned :)

-the 15 year old who wants to stay at his girlfriends house

Hilary - posted on 12/30/2009

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You may not like how I put this, but please understand... I was a teen parent that overcame the statistic I was at the time. The only answer should be "HELL NO!!!"

LOL! Sorry. Its worth the fight with him and her. They have such a future ahead of them, dont let them ruin it because they are hormonal teens!!!!!!!!!!

Pauline - posted on 02/17/2013

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My son is 16 and I do let him stay at his g/f only reason for this is because I know he is sensible about sex and to be fair they will have sex anywhere I would rather know he was in a nice clean warm bed then shagging in bushes or on benches down the park. She is a lovely girl and her parents are very much the same as me.
Things change and to all those parents that believe its wrong and say its disgusting and wrong then so be it, I move with the times . Things are changeing even if we don't like it. Safety always comes first.

Sandy - posted on 09/17/2012

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People love to say...well, they are going to blank, anyway, so they may as well be safe and do it at my house. This is a flawed idea. My response to it is always this...I was not allowed to wear inappropriate clothing or makeup, so I snuck items out in my backpack, and changed later. This is better because, I knew what I was doing was wrong, and as I matured, chose not to dress that way. Also, when you have to sneak to do something it will happen less. Less sex, less chance for bad consequences. I used to say to my mom....What can I do after midnight that I can not do before midnight? She would nothing because you will be at home.

[deleted account]

When I was a teenager I asked my mom once if my bf could sleep over and she said "if you want to act like an adult than get a job and start paying rent, then you have sleepovers whenever you want." It never happened lol

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Janet - posted on 03/12/2013

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I think I've said this in other posts but it's all what the parents are comfortable with. If you are not comfortable allowing sleepovers it's your house your rules. My now 16 yr old is in a long term relationship and I allow her bf to stay over, but that's just me and it's not for everyone.

Angie - posted on 03/10/2013

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I am in the current with this agreement. I have explained it for the last time I told my son after the third mention of it. On Thanksgiving he thought he could throw a fit by getting all bent out of shape and telling me that his best friends mom let him stay over. Then he went into the whole spill...I just do not understand mom, we are just going to sleep(yes son I am an idiot), gosh you treat me like I am a bad son and all I think about is doing stupid stuff. Do you think I want to get her pregnant, we talked about that mom and I told you I wasn't going to have sex. It is not right I do not do bad things, I do not cuss you, I do not drink or smoke or party all the time but my other friends treat their mom's like crap but they get to do what ever they want!
I let him throw his fit and did not keep explaining it but I did remind him that he also told me he did not smoke pot but then I caught him high, and with smoking cigs so whether he is good or bad will not change that he will have to wait to play house until he has his own place. I also made note to him that he will not threaten me by saying there is worse he could be doing, If that is who you want to be then please be but be prepared because I will not support it.

The parent called me and try to convince me, saying well I let my son go over and stay with her sister(which was his gfriend) because he passed his drug test and he knows he will be tested again for the drugs. And so I figured as long as he understands no drugs the worst that can happen is she might get pregnant. I could not believe my ears!!!!

Maybe I am wrong but I don't want to struggle with any of those issues anyway but if I must choose then I would rather keep drug testing with a risk over my son bringing another life into this world unfairly. Its crazy what some parents rationalize. An innocent child should not be a throw up between a drug free life.

Lastly remember those tantrums of the two year old, well they return in the teen years even if you never had them back then. Just like a two yr old tantrum do not give in or you will always have them. To ask such a thing should mean maturity and if they can not respect your rule of ethics then they are not even close to being mature enough to handle what playing married or living together brings. Bottom line until I no longer have to pay for their mistakes, I no longer carry their responsibility, I no longer held responsible for their choices certain things will not be. I explained that he was asking me to do something against the core of me, that I would not be able to look myself in the mirror and it has nothing to do about how good of a person he is. I would not ask of him to go against something that means that much to him and to not ask me to either.
Good Luck

Stefanie - posted on 11/20/2012

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Why would you say no now when you already have had them have sleepovers together. That might be asking for trouble also.

Stefanie - posted on 11/20/2012

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We might be dealing with that too. My daughter and her boyfriend, they are 15 and have been best friends for 5 yrs before going out .He kind of not really said it but hinted on a sleepover. He says everyone seems to think that it is only a sexual reason but I honestly don't believe it is they already discussed sex and they aren't interested in that. They just want to cuddle up a fall asleep together. I'm not stupid about stuff and I know stuff could happen I doubt it would either. They are both great kids and stuff and from good families.

Audra - posted on 04/14/2012

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Be more than 'not keen' on the idea. If it were me, the answer would be no, No, NO. Come on...why do you think he wants to "sleep over?" His hormones are raging. Acknowledge that he could be in love, and want to take his relationship with this girl to the extreme level. But discuss the value of self-discipline. It's rare that doing what you want to do at the moment is ACTUALLY a good idea. Potential pregnancy is not the only consequence of sex. You create strong emotional ties...does he want to date other girls in high school? Is it fair to go to the extreme level with one girl when he's not committed to being faithful to her? Talk, talk, talk about it and make sure that if he does rebel he knows and accepts all of the risks that go along with his choice.

Cierra - posted on 04/12/2012

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Ummm no!! I've seen too many posts like this.. you stick to your instincts unless you want a grandchild running around the house. He thinks he's a man like they all do at that age, prevent him from being another teen dad... NO is the only answer!

Vanessa - posted on 04/11/2012

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Oh thank you for this. I was wondering how to handle this being a single teen mom when I had him I have been worried about him following in my footsteps. he came to me a few days after Valentines, he just together with her a few days before, and said his girlfriend wants him to stay the night. I said what does her mom say he said she said her mom is encouraging it. I said "NO"!!! I will stand firm on it till i die! I told my son, though I got pregnant with you at 16 my mother never let me stay at my boyfriends over night or vice versa. She didn't let my brother or sister either so I would I let you? He hasn't pushed it. He just reminded me a time or two since by just saying he wishes he could stay over night with her... I ignore him!!! Best of luck to you!

Adreana - posted on 04/11/2012

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I was pregnant at 17 and spent the night at my boyfriends home all the time . I told my mom I was spending the night with his sister who was also my friend. soon as everyone was passed out in the house we would sneak somewhere private in the house and do our thing...like the basement or the spare bedroom. My daughter is now about to be 14 and though I would never let her spend the night at a boys or vice versa I do believe that if they really want to do something they will find a way. Also the more you nag about it the more the kid is going to rebel. I would try to discuss this with the kids, explaining to both of them what your fears are , ask the in a non accusing way what there intentions are, why they really want to do this explain that people of opposite gender don't usually spend the night just to sleep and that if they are now at the point to have sex just let you know so you can help hem do it safely that you just want to know that they are safe.you don't have to allow them to do it under your roof but at least you will know it is happening and they have what they need to play it safe :)

Tamara - posted on 08/03/2011

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Do you agree with sex before marriage? If you don't and you have talked to your son about it, but he is choosing
his way and wants you to accomodate him, then some
thing is out of order and you need to let him know that you
do not agree and it's wrong for him to disrespect you and
your family home by imposing his choices on you. Unless
he is willing to act responsibly, that is a wrong choice and
he will have to pay the consequences for it. There's nothing wrong with saying "NO",............................. unless you're prepared to pay the consequences. Are you
prepared to let them have sex at your house and maybe have a boby or an abortion or a bad start to their adult life and you foot the bill?
It's OK to be a parent who loves their child enough to have
speak the truth. They'll respect you for it sooner or later.
Parenting is not easy, but God can help if you ask.

Kim - posted on 07/29/2011

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Absolutely NOT!!! Fortunatley, my 15 daughter has not started dating but we talk about dating and the does and don'ts of dating. I told her that she is not allowed to go into a boys room and vice versa. I then told her that even if the boys parents tell her that its alright for her to go she needs to politely tell them that she is not allowed to be in a boys room unless he is her brother. As of right now she understands.
Now I have a 6 y/o and I think that he wil be invited to many a bedrooms. He already gets invited to parties and several girls refer to him as their boyfriend. Did I mention that these girls are older. So daddy and I are talking to him now about girls.
Try to keep the conversation open and positive. Ask him why he feels to need to stay at her house. Have a meeting with her parents and inform them that you do not wish to have your son sleepover at their house and explain to them that you are trying to raise a respectable son. Hopefully this will get the parents to stop giving their permission.

Gill - posted on 07/25/2011

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The buzz word is TRUST. Lay down some ground rules whilst they're at your house [like leaving door open eg]. But what I say is to make sure he's aware of safe sex & contraception. They will do it even if you say no. Please don't argue about it, it's such a waste of energy & he could walk away. Believe me, I know from experience. He's 16, in eyes of the law he's at the age of consent. Get to know his girlfriend, invite her into your home, explain how you're feeling. You'll get through it! X

Samantha - posted on 07/24/2011

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My son is only 2 years old so I'm personally not there yet, but I would say ABSOLUTELY NOT. Try reasoning with him about it (explaining the "why" so he knows you're not just trying to be unfair and uncool), but if he won't hear it, you still have to be firm and put your foot down. I'm grateful for the boundaries set for me when I was growing up, and for the morals I was taught, particularly to abstain from sex until the day I was married. And even with a moral stance on something like that, temptations and hormones are still there! It's better to avoid temptations in the first place than deal with potential unwanted consequences later.

Missy - posted on 07/24/2011

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We are supposed to protect our children as parents. Allowing or condoning their sexual activity at a young age is not protecting them. Sex is not an act for two teenagers, it is for two connecting adults (who understand the hurts that can come after). Children do not understand that after sex sometimes you feel horrible (especially if the person breaks up with you after). Giving your child condoms does not solve the problem, because just like kids don't only have sex in beds, they don't always use the protection you provided. But by giving the protection you told them "having sex was okay." And you can get some STD's even if you use a condom.
Yes it is important to talk with your children and trust them and be open with them. But that doesn't mean allowing them to have sex (or sleepovers). Why does everyone think that life is all about having fun and doing what makes you feel good all the time? What ever happened to "doing what is right?" Teaching your children "sex is for marriage," is right!"

[deleted account]

When I was 16 my mum let my boyfriend stay but in the spare bed! We were never allowed to sleep together. I was happier about that because at least we could still stay up and talk etc WITH DOORS OPEN and everyone was happy. Mums logic was that she would rather us SAFE at home snuggling and cuddling (which was allowed) than getting into something we might regret later... I thanked her for it because it taught me patience and respect for her home. I stayed at his house ONLY when his dad was home and mum absolutely knew I was sleeping in the spare room. She trusted me enough to allow it although way less then him coming to ours...

User - posted on 07/19/2011

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I don't understand why it's even an issue. I'm assuming they live locally to you, so why would they need to spend the night under one roof. I think it's a red flag and it really pushes an issue that needs not be addressed yet. It also says to me that the other parent(s) may not be providing the greatest supervision. I realize there may be exceptions to my last statement, but in general I just don't see WHY they would need to do that.
I would not, however deny my child a chance to vacation with the family on a local vacation with a promise of GREAT supervision.

Cheryl - posted on 05/18/2010

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NOT IN THIS LIFETIME would I allow this. Come on, you KNOW what they really want...and where are her parents in all of this...No way, no way, no way! "Okay, I am jumping off the soap box now!"

Telika - posted on 05/17/2010

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oh boy breathe mom breathe,no don't do it don't give in,bc if she turns up preganant,guess who the parents gonna blame...YOU,i under no circumsatnces allow boys to spend the night w/my son when my girls are present and opposite,i try to keep that world seperate.

he's only trying to see how far you're gonna let him go and if you give in you're gonna look like the bad guy,its ok if he's mad in fact its healthy as long as you stand your ground then he'll be alright good luck

Lucilyn - posted on 05/17/2010

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its a big NO! NO! for me. we filipinos believe that we have to take good care of children especially in their teens (a girl teen). i have a 14 yr old daughter and i will not allow her to sleepover in any of her friends' bed. better think carefully and vigilantly, you might regret it.

Trish - posted on 05/15/2010

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I went thru this with my ex...we had moved to seperate addresses b-cause of his drinking...He allowed it...And 2 out of his3 sons have kids at 20 yrs old...I think that u should stick to ur guns. I have done counseling w/my daughter...with boys it's different...They are harder to talk to but my stepkids came to me because I just always let them know I'm there and I care about them. Driving in the car or any other activity that u don't have to look at them sometimes helps. They talk more that way.

Aenea - posted on 05/15/2010

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Continue to stand your grounds, let him know with that attitude doesnt give you a sign of maturity. What does her parents think? I must admit that when I was a teen I did in fact spend the knight with my older boyfriend. We all had that talk and I knew what not to do and what to do. My parents knew I was having sex with him cause I told them. They felt that they wouldnt be able to stop it, nor did they agree with it, but open about it. So then I came to reality that it was very disrespectful to my parents, so I didnt do it anymore until I was of age. Sounds like the girlfriend is in control, I would check that! Also could be that your son may have gained his man hood from her and she got him hypnotise with just that first taste. Girlfriend is experienced in this situation. Not that deep, he should open his eyes. Hope this helps

Betty - posted on 05/15/2010

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my daughter also wanted to stay over night at her now ex-bf and | said no way. it bugs me that when she goes there to visit, they go to the bedroom and I told her if she goes there, keep the door open even if he does not want to. if he comes here, I make sure the door is open. I told her I prefer you hang out in the kitchen or livingroom

Shawn - posted on 05/11/2010

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I understand how you feel but my son who was that age told me he was sleeping at a friends and slept at his girlfriends house.I will not allow that at my house because it is sign that they can be dis respectful to us.I would never pull that with my parents.He try all the time to get girls to stay over but if have to i will stay up all night to see they don't.I need some respect out of my teen.

Becky - posted on 05/11/2010

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ask yourself this question AM I READY TO BE A GRANDMA? even then the answer is no

Jane - posted on 02/09/2010

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Well, I'm not going to be popular with what I have to say but I'm going to say it anyway. First and foremost, I HOPE you have talked to your son about birth control and the ramifications of not using any. This does not mean that I am advocating sex because I'm not. I'm just saying that ignorance is not bliss!!!!

In the end, it's your house, your rules, etc. so if you don't want her spending the night, then that is absolutely your call and if he doesn't like it too bad. But let me ask you this....why you are you not keen on the idea? Do you think by saying no, that you're preventing sex? If you think that, well, you're not. If they want to have sex, they're GOING to have sex...it just won't be in your house.

People below are talking about being pregnant teens but honestly, they didn't get pregnant because they slept with their boyfriends at their house. I mean they might have but that pregnancy would have occurred somewhere...no matter what.

All I'm saying is TALK to your son, talk about abstinence and encourage it but be realistic in the end and ensure your son has the protection HE needs to ensure he's safe in the event he sleeps over in the figurative sense, in a car in a parking lot some night. As for the spending the night...again, your house, your rules but think really about why you don't like the idea.

Heather - posted on 02/09/2010

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My oldest son was born when I was 15. He is now 13.

I believe C.C said that we have to trust our kids- I respectfully disagree. I wasn't trustworthy when I was 14 and in love with my boyfriend. I loved my parents, I minded them for the most part, but you had better believe that I was having sex with my boyfriend every chance I got.

In my opinion, saying yes to a sleepover is basically giving them your blessing to have sex in your house. And if you're willing to do that, that's up to you. Personally, I'm all for making sure my son is being safe, but I'm not going to make it any easier for him to have sex before he is of an appropriate age and in a long term committed relationship.

Melissa - posted on 01/05/2010

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Yes teenagers will have sex anywhere. I posted earlier and yes I had a baby at 16. My mother would let us have sleepovers and yes we were suppose to be in seperate bedrooms. Come on any one who believes they stay in seperate bedrooms you are in deep denial. You can be close to your teenager weather you let them have their girlfriend or boyfriends sleep over. It takes more than that to have a close relationship with your children. What I don't understand why do these children need to have a sleep over? They can see each other the next day. They are only 16 and this is for when they are in mature relationship. It's not about the sex part it's more than that. It's about respecting your parents and your parents house. It's about teaching our duaghter to respect themselves and their bodies. It's teaching the boys to respect their girlfriends and their girlfriends home and parents. What kind of message do you think it gives the other boys at school when they hear a girl can have a boy sleepover? Probably not very positive. I am all for trusting your teenager but they also need us to give them guidance and morals. They have all the time in the world to have sleepovers when they get older. What is the rush? Now that I am older and when I talk to my mom I ask her what was she thinking? And she says she doesn't know why she did it but she regrets it. Oh yeah and I still didn't tell my mother everythng after we had the sleepovers. My daughter is 16 and she talk to me about alot of things. Not everything because teenagers don't tell you everythng no matter how cool you are or not. This relationship was established over the years. She knows I would never let her have a boyfriend sleepover and she knows why. She totally respects that.

C.C. - posted on 01/05/2010

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Quoting Lea:

Hi I have teenagers and I would rather know where my child was than in some out of the way area that others could come across them and hurt them. Look I understand it is very hard to make a choice on this but if you keep a very open relationship with your son and sit and talk not argue and let him know your fears plus include his girlfriend but remember not to argue. We can all say what we want but if their relationship is a sexaul one they will find a way. As a parent you are much better to be close than distant and not truely know what is going on.



VERY TRUE LEA....I WANT TO KNOW THAT HE IS SAFE 1st AND FOREMOST...AND YOU ARE SO RIGHT..THEY WILL FIND A WAY. I DONT THINK ALLOWING SLEEPOVERS IN ANY WAY SAYS YOUR CONDONING THEM TO HAVE SEX.IF YOUR CHILD WAS TAUGHT RIGHT FROM A BABY THEN HE WILL HAVE RESPECT FOR HIS PARENTS AND THIER HOME. 

C.C. - posted on 01/05/2010

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Quoting Lea:

Hi I have teenagers and I would rather know where my child was than in some out of the way area that others could come across them and hurt them. Look I understand it is very hard to make a choice on this but if you keep a very open relationship with your son and sit and talk not argue and let him know your fears plus include his girlfriend but remember not to argue. We can all say what we want but if their relationship is a sexaul one they will find a way. As a parent you are much better to be close than distant and not truely know what is going on.



VERY TRUE LEA....I WANT TO KNOW THAT HE IS SAFE 1st AND FOREMOST...AND YOU ARE SO RIGHT..THEY WILL FIND A WAY. I DONT THINK ALLOWING SLEEPOVERS IN ANY WAY SAYS YOUR CONDONING THEM TO HAVE SEX.IF YOUR CHILD WAS TAUGHT RIGHT FROM A BABY THEN HE WILL HAVE RESPECT FOR HIS PARENTS AND THIER HOME. 

C.C. - posted on 01/05/2010

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Quoting Leni:



Quoting Leanne:

Do people really think the only place teenagers have sex is in their bedrooms?





I suppose it must be the only place these teens are having sex in. So, what everyone is telling me here, is that if my son's gf doesn't sleep over then she won't get pregnant? Wow, I guess I didn't have to have the birth control talk.






AMEN TO THAT...I KNOW I WAS TOO RESPECTFUL AND PRETTY MUCH SCARED OF MY PARENTS..HAHA!!  SO I DID LOSE MY VIRGINITY AT 15 BUT IT WAS ON A DIRT ROAD....AND FOR A LONG TIME AFTER THAT WHEN I DID DO SOMETHING IT WASNT IN MY PARENTS HOME. IT JUST ALL GOES BACK TO TRUST AND RESPECT...WHICH I BELIEVE MY SON HAS LOTS OF AND I THINK ITS BECAUSE I TRUST AND RESPECT HIM.

C.C. - posted on 01/05/2010

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Quoting Chrissy:

I agree with C.C, you have to trust your kids.


THANK YOU SO MUCH...I JUST KNOW HOW IT WAS BEING A TEEN AND YOU WILL FIND A WAY TO "DO" WHAT YOU WANT...AND YOU'LL BE MORE LIKELY TO DO MORE JUST TO PROVE A POINT. LIKE "HAHAHA"...YOU JUST THINK UR PREVENTING ME FROM DOING SOMETHING.

Jeanette - posted on 01/05/2010

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I don't like the idea. my son, who is 15, was invited to a co-ed sleep over. He went to the pizza party and cake part of it. That's it. I picked him up at midnight. No sleepover. I know that we all want to trust our kids but sometimes temptations have a funny way of taking over feelings. Especially young teens who are trying to figure out why the heck is going on with their bodies...HORMONES!!!!

Danielle - posted on 01/05/2010

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My friend has a now 15 year old boy. Guess what, he is a daddy of 2 daughters. She started letting them have sleep overs at the age of 14. UGH! I tell ya it just about made me sick. As far as myself, I have a rebellious 15 year old boy. I would still tell him HELL NO!!! That he must think I'm nuts. Believe me I don't like the comeback cause it usually lasts 3 hours. He is definitely stubborn. However, it's still HELL NO! I am only 35 and I WILL NOT have any grand babies at this age. I was listening to the others who commented on here. One said that it might be different with a boy. Well it's a little a different. I do have a 14 year old daughter. I won't even think of her dating right now. No matter what the answer is always going to remain the same...HELL NO!!!! LOL! Good luck to ya.. I certainly understand the stress that would cause. Luckily mine hasn't asked yet...cause I would have to knock him out...hehehehe Just kidding.

Rachel - posted on 01/05/2010

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I spent two years trying to control my daughter. chasing her through the streets at 3am (in a blizzard even!). I had her locked up in juvie, put into a group home and eventually admitted to a 6 month inpatient treatment program far from home. (there were more serious issues besides staying the night at a boys house). She's been home since late November and is back at it again (although not to such an extreme). I do know that she is staying the night at her boyfriends house on occasion and i definately DO NOT approve. But from a different angle I am not soo nieve that i think they are not having sex even when they are in places other that HIS HOUSE. I remember VERY well all the crap I pulled when i was a teenager!! And it scares me to death that she will get pregnant or worse. So i have her get a depo shot every three months (low maintenance birthcontrol so she cant "forget" to take her pills). And i have even driven her to meet up with him knowing that she would be spending the night with him. I feel stuck after two years of neglecting my other two kids to some degree to chase her & keep her out of trouble (with NO positive results to say the least) She is the type of kid that will simply walk out the door and do what she wants regardless of what i say or feel. At this point in my life i would rather know where she's at (even if its at a boys house) than sit up all night not knowing if she's safe. I would rather her be open and honest with me about what she's doing than have her lying and sneaking around. Yes i DO fear becoming a grandmother at my age, but ultimately you cannot control the decisions your teenager makes. By 15, if they have not already absorbed the morals you tried to teach there's not much you can do but watch them learn from their own mistakes. Its hard to watch, painful, disturbing, even enraging. But ultimately it is THEIR choices and the consequences will also be THEIRS. I dont feel i am an ignorant mother or a mother who LETS her kids run wild. But I am an exasperated mother who has pulled out all the stops and worked every step in the system to control my child, and i have learned that most of what she does is truly out of my control.

Dawn - posted on 01/05/2010

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I respect everyones decisions but I disagree. I have provided my oldest daughter and my oldest son with proper protection. I do not condone them having sex but I know they are going to have sex whether I want them to or not.

I don't necessarily say that I would want or allow a child of the opposite sex to stay here, it has happend a few times. My daughter was dating our friends son. We went somewhere and it was very late and he lives a few towns over. In thoses cases, he has slept in another room as my daughter. In those cases I would make an allowance for that but not necessarily all the time. I think you have to use your best judgement and do what is best for you you and your family.

Lori - posted on 01/04/2010

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Wow! I have 4 sons and I am a single mom and the answer is NO WAY! My sons have friends - both boys and girls and they know that girls are not allowed upstairs let alone spend the night at my house and ditto for my sons asking if they can spend the night at a girl's house. Why invite temptation into their lives? One of my favorite sayings to my sons is "She is someone's future wife and right now she is someone's daughter and sister. You can't play house until you have a career, a ring, and 3 -6 month emergency fund in savings." Then find a friend with an infant and "borrow" that child with them helping you out by caring for the child!

Maria - posted on 01/04/2010

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Call me old-fashioned and prude, but we've all been teenagers once, and we all know how active all our hormones are at that stage, and a boy's testosterone is just as active, so I'd say "NO". My oldest son has girlfriends in his group of friends and they do watch movies together at friend's house. These friends they've practically grown up with, and we've known since K, but still, they know that we, as parents, still do not approve of sleepovers with mixed genders. So, they all get picked up however late the hour is, and that's that.

Crystal - posted on 01/04/2010

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Stand your ground. They should not be sleeping over each others house, they are not old enough. When they get their own that's one thing, but it's very disrepectful.

Diane - posted on 01/04/2010

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When my kids first suggested this I nearly fainted. I refused and to this day would refuse all over again. Even if the parents are home - people do fall asleep - and there you are with the girl/boy you like. Too much temptation. I say a definate NO.

Christy - posted on 01/04/2010

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If his attitude is changing I would probably assume they are having sex so the first thing I would do is talk to him about birth control and safe sex. As far as sleeping over I had this come up with my Daughter also at the age of 16 when she was going to prom with a boy she had been dating for almost a year. I told her absolutely not to which she replied that I was old fashioned. Which, I am far from old fashioned and am actually quite open-minded. To this I replied that it is not that I am old fashioned, but I have ethics. Stand firm and absolutely no sleep overs until he is out of high school and out on his own.

Jammie - posted on 01/04/2010

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sex will happen anytime anywhere we all know that teenage pregnancy goes all the way back to Jesus himself i would be more concerned about the respect factor and the liability issue what message are we sending to the kids if we help them cohabitate? i know spending the night and moving in together are totally seperate issues and maybe i am being a little far fetched i just believe that we should be careful with the messages that we allow of course we will never be able to stop our teens from being teens but we do not have to co sign their choices that we do not agree with

[deleted account]

Quoting Leanne:

Do people really think the only place teenagers have sex is in their bedrooms?


I suppose it must be the only place these teens are having sex in. So, what everyone is telling me here, is that if my son's gf doesn't sleep over then she won't get pregnant? Wow, I guess I didn't have to have the birth control talk.

Jammie - posted on 01/03/2010

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attitude is just a part of being a teenager sleeping with the opposite sex is a part of being grown and living in your own home do not give in on this one they say we have to choose our battles wisely at this age i would go to full blown war with this just say no i am curious how do her parents feel about this

[deleted account]

I have a 19 yr girl and 18 yr boy and its always been my policy to discourage boy/girlfriends but when that didnt work i made the rule that they could be together in a SUPERVISED setting whether at my home or theirs. Then i insisted on talking to the other parent(s) to make sure we were on the same page. Then followed through with regular phone calls. I even varied my schedule to come home when they didnt expect it to keep them on their toes. I explained that it wasnt a matter of trust but a matter of their protection. now they both have thanked me for the rules because so many of their friends parents didnt care.

[deleted account]

WHATTTTT??????????????? NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
Time for the BIG family meeting....
tell my kids that anyone coming to visit who is not married cannot sleep in the same bedroom. Even engaged couples..or bisexual couples....there are enough couches around.
Put your foot down..don't even allow girls in his bedroom..after all whose bedroom is it really? He's just renting it.
tell him when he's out of your house he can do as he pleases.
What do her parents say??? If her parents don't care..show that you do!
GOOD LUCK!
remember.never give up on your kids...

Debra - posted on 01/03/2010

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My daughter is 18 and has 5 months of school left. I allowed her boyfriend to stay and she sleeps with me and he slept in her room. All has gone well so far. She tells me almost everything and i trust her. I feel she is of age and if i fight her she wil rebel and go behind my back. I love our relationship and if she left before she graduates then she would never get her daploma. I want her to have a good life.

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