Somebody Please Advise Me!!!

Kimberly - posted on 01/01/2009 ( 4 moms have responded )




My 15 year old son got into a lot of trouble earlier this year. We thought we had all of that under control, as part of that however his ability to go out is very limited. I have transferred him to another school across town, to comply help him to avoid other aspects he has problems with. One of which is his ex girlfriend, whose parents have a restraining order against him. Anyway when we started to have problems, I took his cell, took the sim out and stored them away in an old purse. In October, he found them, and took them back without my knowledge. He didn't use the phone in October, and for most of November. She had a birthday in Nov, and got a cell. She called his cell from hers. From Nov. 14 on he began to text her. He had NEVER had a texting plan, and he knew that we would be paying for each text. The reason I found all of this out is because we just received a call about out cell bill of over $900!!! There were over 2000 text messages, mostly to her number.

I dont know what to do. I hate this. I had to quit my job to be with him, to make sure he gets to and from school. We are now very tight on money, and cannot afford this bill. I will be speaking with his Juvanile Intake officer tomorrow. If I have to I will file charges against him. This means they could take him away for a while, but it may be for the best. I have 2 younger kids to think about too. I am at a loss and dont know what to do. (If it helps any I am in the state of VA)


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[deleted account]

Juli, I love Casting Crowns. I know the song but had not read the words. My son who is 12 just said to me the other day "how can some people be like a color cartoon on the outside and black and white on the inside."

Just the other day i was saying to my son "how many times do I have to tell you..." and I heard a voice say to me "how many times do I have to tell YOU? but...I love you anyway."

Kimberly - I wish I had the perfect answer for you but I do agree with Juli. I hope you have a group to share. I have a friend going through similar issues right now and it is heartbreaking. Be strong.

Julie - posted on 01/01/2009




The other problem is he is going though your stuff; a big trust respect issue going on here. Do you have any family support groups in you area that deal with this issue and issues you are facing with your son. They are usually free or churches sometimes provide assistance. You have to find a way to get him to want to make the changes he needs and understand why. Also. if the girl with the restraining order is the same one texting him call her parents if she text him she is violating the order.

Kimberly - posted on 01/01/2009




Thank you very much. We have similar family policies, they are a little harder for us to work with because my son is bi-polar, and sometimes, eventhough he takes his meds if things dont go his way he just goes way off. I do intend to press charges if the state will allow, he needs to know there are more boundaries than the ones that I set and they can be worse.

[deleted account]

hi Kim,

I'm in VA too...

You have done everything you possibly could to help him make wise choices- even up to quitting your job to supervise him (you should be so proud of yourself for doing that!! what more could you do?!) but he continues to make unwise choices.

To allow him to get away with stealing from you- and he did do that- is to make it easy for him to move on and do this to someone else. It would also teach him that it's ok to do what he wants without taking the needs of others into consideration. Don't look at it as you 'doing something' to him. He brought this on himself and you will only hurt him more in the long term if you protect him from the consequences of his own actions. Some folks call this 'real life' discipline.

I think it's ok, even a good thing, to develop some 'family policies' because they help you to maintain discipline in the face of teenage arguements and debates.

For example, it is our family policy that a child may live with us rent free while they are a full time student. High school, of course, and college as well. When that child is no longer a student and decides to work for a living they may pay a nominal rent, perform certain chores and continue to live here. Kids that don't go to school, and don't have jobs need to find somewhere else to live.

This probably sounds harsh to some, but it helps us maintain mutual respect in our family and since they have been brought up with it, is no surprise to our kids.

It also helps them to realize that freeloading is not acceptable here.

I'm not sure why but at 18 - 19 kids don't always appreciate the roof over their heads and food on the table and want to make all their own rules, and sometimes that means it's a good time for them to start out on their own and get some real life experience.

Then they learn it isn't so easy and that with adult privileges come adult responsibilities... I have one that may need to learn that lesson the hard way in the next year... but parents can only do so much for their kids, we can't live their life for them. They make their own mistakes and then perhaps they will learn.

We have other family policies: no phones at mealtimes, we don't purchase stuff from folks who call on the phone-(that's helpful"Sorry- we don't buy things from telemarketers- it's our family policy! click!) Teens don't make time commitments without parental permission, if you're late, call home- family policy- a good thing...

Kids! They have no idea how they break our hearts!

It makes me think about how God loves us despite all the times we mess up...

I know we break His heart, but still He loves us and sent His Son to redeem us!

Meanwhile, what is a MOM to do?

PRAY for them, daily, hourly... and find some good support for you- your church is a good place to start, or if you don't have a church home, you might ask someone you really respect where they go to church.

If you're near Lynchburg, I'd suggest Thomas Road Baptist, if you're near Richmond, Staples mill Road Baptist is really good- that's in the west end.

If you're near Keysville- Friendship Baptist is south on 360 to 623 on the left.

All these churches have active teen ministries to help you with the other kids, and also women's minitries for support and encouragement.

I'd also suggest joining the christian mommies circle of moms if you haven't already, to get lots of support and encouragement starting today. It's good, but not as good as making those face-to-face connections.

Sometimes we hesitate to let someone in and share our sorrows. Everyone feels that way because everyone has problems but most of us don't want to admit it.

"Stained Glass Masquerade" by Casting Crowns

Is there anyone that fails?

Is there anyone that falls?

Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small?

Cause when I take a look around

Everybody seems so strong

I know they'll soon discover

That I don't belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay

If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too

So with a painted grin, I play the part again

So everyone will see me the way that I see them

Are we happy plastic people

Under shiny plastic steeples

With walls around our weakness

And smiles to hide our pain?

But if the invitation's open

To every heart that has been broken

Maybe then we close the curtain

On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who's been there?

Are there any hands to raise?

Am I the only one who's traded

In the altar for a stage?

The performance is convincing

And we know every line by heart

Only when no one is watching

Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free

If I dared to let you see

The truth behind the person

That you imagine me to be?

Would your arms be open

Or would you walk away?

Would the love of Jesus

Be enough to make you stay?

Are we happy plastic people

Under shiny plastic steeples

With walls around our weakness

And smiles to hide our pain?

But if the invitation's open

To every heart that has been broken

Maybe then we close the curtain

On our stained glass masquerade

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