Son thinks he is a gangster!! Violence!! Drugs!!

Mary - posted on 07/07/2012 ( 25 moms have responded )

4

0

0

My boy Alex, or better referred to as AK by his friends, is uncontrollable!!! I cannot, and i mean CANNOT stop him.

He started drinking at the age of 13, and is now 15. ive caught him smoking weed so many times and he doesnt seem to care!! he says he deals and if i stop his dealing, they are going to "pop a cap in his ass"

He has his "hoes" as he calls them, or BARELY dressed women over at various hours of the night. he says he is old enough to handle it.

but the worst part is that i found a loaded AK47 under his bed! i could not believe my eyes! what was he thinking!!. He says he needs it for protection

what do i do!! he doesnt even listen to me at all, its like i am not there. i am the only parental figure in his life

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

User - posted on 07/23/2012

96

0

23

Ok, ok, we can all sit back and throw things like why didn't you stop it when, blah blah, but its not helpful and is probably making this mom feel worse. I also get you don't want to turn to your son in, jail/prison is horrid and no loving mother wants to see her son there.

If you can make a move out of state it would be a great start. However, with your sons outlook he will find trouble no matter where you move. Sit him down and ask him if he loves you, and explain to him hes not just putting himself i danger but you as well. Ask him if wants out, and then try to make a plan. Tell him these woman could have any types of STDs, make sure he fully understands aids, get him tested for disease (say just for your piece of mind) this may scare him a little. Also look at the armed forces tell him you would rather him die a hero then as a petty thug. Make sure he knows you did your best as a single parent and that this is not what you wanted for him...did he ever have any dreams of being say a dentist? you could let him know its not too late to turn the clock back with education. Let him know theres online school. Let him know you love him.

If he pays no attention then call in the cops, because your not in any gangs and you dont want to be the one in jail when the cops bust you. Neighbors and people talk. I will pray for you.

As a youth i was in gangs,drugs and these are some of the things that changed me. Now im married, im a stay at home mom my son is 3 he is testing at an age 6 level. My husband is paying for me to go back to school to get a teaching degree next year. Things can change .

Bobbie - posted on 08/16/2012

500

9

169

Simple answer, start at the beginning and clear up who is the parent and who is the CHILD. He can't legally own a gun. You can call the police to have his "hoe" removed. He can't do anything in your house if you don't let him. It really is that cut and dry. Some would say don't call the law into the issue because he will get even tougher in Juvenile Detention. But sounds to me like he is headed there faster than you think all on his own. When you found the gun the parent approach would have been to notify the police that a loaded weapon was found in your home. They would have questioned him and possibly given him a little scare to straighten up. If he is in a gang he will have tattoos and special clothing. Learn what he is doing! If he were playing with matches and too young to realize that he could burn down the house you would step in and MAKE HIM STOP wouldn't you? Well, your house is on fire my friend. Call in the troops! Police, school councilors, state run programs for at risk kids, anything and everything you can find as a resource is available on the web or local police station.
Can't imagine why you think "catching him smoking weed" would bother him. Was your yelling the only consequence? He needs real consequences to his law breaking. You must take control now to save him from himself. It isn't tough love it is parenting. Don't allow him to idle, make sure he attends school. If he stays home and lights up or starts drinking you need to hold him accountable for those actions. Report his actions to authorities. Get that gun out of your house, set rules and don't let him get you to the point of yelling and crying. Stay in control, calm voice and stand your ground. He stops doing his current behaviors and that is the way it is. If he doesn't believe you show him you mean business. I am sure he has heard many threats from you, he needs results and action on your part. Time to stop letting the street raise him for you.

Jayne - posted on 07/25/2012

5

0

2

My best suggestion to you is to contact your local crisis intervention hotline and seek placement for your son in a safe and encouraging environment. There are plenty of agencies willing to help. The police will allow you to turn the gun in without fear of legal problems. But you must be the PARENT and not the friend and no PARENT should ever live in fear of there own child.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/17/2012

13,264

21

2015

I didn't disagree with you, Kristin!

I'm just so tired of the old rants that come out whenever a gun is mentioned, which is why I stepped in as I did. I'm not saying that you, personally, have to exercise your second amendment rights, nor am I going to force you to shoot anything.

I just prefer clarification when blanket statements are made about gun ownership/rights/responsibilities thereof. No, I don't think that Mary should be shopping for anything for this child, other than locking ankle bracelets, and a new neighborhood in a new state.

Kristin - posted on 07/17/2012

621

0

174

Mary,

Just a question but why in the hell would you consider researching guns to make sure your son is safe? Owning guns are NOT for kids, teens or anyone. By researching and possibly buying him another gun you are enabling your sons behavior and I am sorry he will either end up dead or killing someone else. Why does he have girls spend the night? It is your house, kick them out, and if your son threatens you call the cops. This is serious and scary business you are dealing with one which i have never seen only heard about on tv and shit. Christ I am 32 years old and never shot a gun, where the hell do these kids get them from? Personally if things are that bad I would have packed up and moved my whole family long ago or sent my kid to military school or boot camp. To me it sounds like you have passively let your son do whatever the hell he wants and now YOU NEED TO BE A PARENT AND START GAINING CONTROL OF YOUR HOUSE or you will lose your son for good. YOU are his mother and you need to get him the help he needs to get out of his current way of life. If that means boot camp or jail than so be it if it will save his life and future. I have a 16 yr old son and if he ever did anything like what your son does I would have made him suffer some severe consequences. I thank the lord that my son is a good kid, not perfect but good and I cant even imagine how you as his mother could have let your son progress so far down the wrong path in life. Please do whatever it takes now to save your son so he can have a better life and make something of himself.

25 Comments

View replies by

Joey - posted on 02/21/2014

4

0

0

You're right. Parenting is a major factor in her son's upbringing. Understand the most important part, however. By turning in her son, she has broken the street rules of silence. Her son's accomplices can kill her for such an offense. Unless her kid is in the Mafia, which I highly doubt, there will be no Witness Protection Program, she'll be thrown back onto the streets by the cops and left to her fate. That right there is a major incentive for most people to keep their mouths shut. Having grown up in a bad neighborhood with this kind of stuff, I can safely say that she has little to gain from snitching out her son and risking certain death for it. I know a few people from my childhood who have been killed for such transgressions, the cops don't and won't care, as they have no duty to protect anybody from harm.

Turning in her son if the police wouldn't be the worst thing ever if the police/prosecutor could magically guarantee her safety and a not-to-harsh sentence for her son, but I know that's not what prosecutors and law enforcement are all about. As it looks bad for the rich, suburban voters they depend on for support.

Is it the OP's fault? Probably. She probably let her son do whatever he wanted during his childhood and teenage years and never really set boundaries.
However, don't think that I support the police, even in a case like this. I see them as mere thugs as well. I thing their "cure" is in some ways worse than the "disease" they are trying to stop. In many "bad" neighborhoods, there are plenty of programs she can take advantage of to help, but I doubt the OP even looked into something like that or much of any solution really, or she wouldn't be on this site in the first place. She just let her son get away with drinking and partying time after time and never put her foot down by the sound of it. She should just kick him out and be done with the whole situation.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/21/2014

13,264

21

2015

The OP has let her child get to this point. And don't give me the "it's not her fault, her kid hid it" line either. I've RAISED my sons, and neither of them, nor any of their peers, nor any of the young men that I have interacted with in the las 43 years of my life have acted this way. When you PARENT your kids from day one, this doesn't happen.

Now, it has. The brat is into illegal activity, drugs, guns, etc, and since HE DOESN'T WANT TO STOP, the only way to handle it is to send his sorry ass to jail. Part of this started because his mother wanted to be his "friend" rather than his parent.

And, yes, the OP should possibly be prosecuted as well, as it is her responsibility to raise her kid to not break the law. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Since the kid chooses to not be a contributing citizen, these are the consequences.

End of story.

Joey - posted on 02/21/2014

4

0

0

Oh no, not another one of those "law and order" types. Look, the police won't help anybody, they're not your friends, or anybody's for that matter. Any reputable defense attorney will tell you this. The OP came here for help, the police and government won't do that, they'll make it worse for everybody. Jail won't help him, it'll make him worse in the end. That's a place where a lot of lower ranking gang members connect with the more dangerous, more powerful ones. That's the bitter reality of the system.

The bottom line: the police won't make the situation any better for anyone and they could very well involve the OP herself. Police like to do stuff like that, as it can possibly trigger a profitable asset forfeiture case against the OP. I don't care who you are: law abiding citizen or gang member, the police are not there to help. They are not your friends. For at risk youth or lower lever gang members, there are plenty of programs that she can go to for help. These groups are more successful and aren't tied to helping some jerkoff prosecutor boost his/her resume for the future election. I strongly recommend one of these over going to the police. End of story.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/21/2014

13,264

21

2015

Joey, you don't know what this individual is in possession of, actually, not unless you are the OP.

And, I'm sorry, but an individual involved at this level DOES need to be prosecuted. He thinks he's an adult, and can 'handle' it...well, let him damned well handle it then.

Joey - posted on 02/20/2014

4

0

0

Shawnn, understand that this kid likely possesses a full-auto version. Probably not even modified either. But that's not the point. Intervention is necessary, but the parent should be smart about how she goes about this. An illegal possession of a firearm can be punishable by a prison sentence of up to 15 years in some cases. But again this is pointless; the bottom line is that going to the police isn't the best idea for anybody. A special councilor or counter gang community group like that will be much more helpful than the cops, who will just get evidence on the kid, give it to the local prosecutor, and look to put him away for as long as humanly possible, which in his case could be a very, very long time in some harsh states like Texas or California.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/18/2014

13,264

21

2015

Joey, do some damned research. AKs are not illegal, unless they're modified to full auto. Good grief.

However, intervention and discipline are necessary in this home.

Joey - posted on 02/17/2014

4

0

0

Don't turn him in or the gun. AK-47s are completely illegal and you'll face serious trouble even if you hand them to the police. Also, turning your son in is dooming him to a mandatory 5-10 yrs in Federal prison, where he'll probably hook up with more powerful gang members and come out better prepared than ever to do what he does. The police are not your friends in this case...try a councilor or third party group not directly affiliated with law enforcement. They tend to do a better job and aren't serving a prosecutor's whims.

Megan R - posted on 06/17/2013

1

0

0

I wood have throug his ass innot think so much of what he is come runig back to mommy jail let him hang with what he thinks he is lil ass wood

Kristin - posted on 07/18/2012

621

0

174

Shawnn,

I was agreeing with you is all that it is wise to be educated when buying a gun. I myself live in a redneck community (Alberta, Canada) and it is very common to see hunting rifles.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/18/2012

13,264

21

2015

LOL...Kristi...I'm still trying to fight the whole "alcohol is necessary at any event" mentality in my area as well...and thank you :-)

Kristi - posted on 07/17/2012

1,355

3

78

'only criminals and rednecks think guns are necessary'--Shawnn

I'm pretty sure this statement is true! I've been around a lot of rednecks and they all have a beer in one hand and a deer rifle in the other! LOL

On a serious note, I'm glad you posted accurate information about gun ownership, wise to put a lid on it before it turned into a debate.

Kristin - posted on 07/17/2012

621

0

174

Shawnn,

You are co0rrect that guns do not kill people and that everyone needs to be responsible with guns. My dad and my brother hunt and their rifles are kept in a locked cabinet. However in Mary's case I dont think buying her son a gun is the answer if he is involved in drug dealing and gang matters. I think it is awesome you know how to shoot a gun, it is not for me but I support those who can do it and are responsible about it. I think guns may be neccessary in high crime areas for protection but again the ones in possession of such fire arms should be well educated and trained properly in how to use said gun. However, that being said I personally would not buy my 16 yr old son a gun if he was into drug dealing or gang related affiliations.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/17/2012

13,264

21

2015

One thing that I must point out, before this gets into an anti-gun stance:

Gun ownership is NOT illegal in the US. However, you must be 18 to be in legal possession (ownership), and you must be 21 before you can purchase a gun on your own. Both of my sons had guns purchased for them when they were old enough to understand the responsibility, BUT neither of them came into ownership of those firearms. My 18 YO was just given ownership of his, on his 18th birthday.

Simply being in possession of a firearm is NOT a big deal in most cases. I absolutely cringe to see these threads, though, because inevitably someone will come out with the "guns kill people" statement (UNTRUE...the gun must have human interaction to be loaded, and fired), or someone will incorrectly assume that all gun owners are morons (again, not true), or they'll make a blanket statement like 'only criminals and rednecks think guns are necessary'.

Ladies, please remember that RESPONSIBILITY plays a huge part in gun ownership. Some of you may choose not to own one, or may be in a country where personal possession is prohibited, but please try to understand the wider view. In the US, personal possession of firearms is our constitutional right. I enjoy shooting. It's a great stress reliever, not to mention that my personal protection weapon has come in handy a time or two, without me ever having to take the safety off. Don't put our constitutional rights at risk by incorrect assumptions.

Now, I would encourage ANYONE to research firearms, if wanting to purchase one. Research is a MUST! And for anyone who has relatives, children or otherwise, that are in possession of a firearm, researching the whole thing can shed a lot of light on a subject that much is either wrongly assumed about, or that much of the propaganda is flat out untrue. Why would anyone NOT research something like that?

Kristi - posted on 07/15/2012

1,355

3

78

Couldn't have said better myself, Shawnn! This no joke, playtime is long since been over. I think Lousie was suggesting you both leave. I do not recommend buying him another weapon. He should be in jail already. You really need to put your big girl panties on and act swiftly before you both wind up 6 feet under. You are supposed to be the parent. If for some ridiculous reason you don't involve the police, send him to a bootcamp out of state. Then you go stay with a relative for awhile. There are no easy ways out of this mess but nevertheless, you have to get out. Prayers for you both. Good luck.

Roohi - posted on 07/14/2012

16

0

1

Call the cops! You have a kid with a gun in the house. And you are not helping by not calling the cops.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/09/2012

13,264

21

2015

Try turning him in. Possession of a firearm by a 15 YO is illegal in the US...don't know where you are.

He's engaging in illegal activity. He's engaging in immoral activity too, but the cops won't bust for morals. They will, however, bust for possession with intent to distribute, underage firearm possession, and, depending on the age of the women, either statutory rape, or another similar charge.

Why on earth did you not get him help when you found him drinking at 13? Did he tell you he "stopped" and you believed him? Not that kids can't be pretty believable, but this cannot have come as a big shocker to you. His behaviour had to be telling you something.

Time for tough love. Next time he's home, with the women, weapons, and drugs, you call the police, and show them the way to his room.

Mary - posted on 07/08/2012

4

0

0

Leave? and leave my son to fend for himself all alone!? Perhaps I need to put more thought into this

Mary - posted on 07/08/2012

4

0

0

exactly what I was thinking!! terrorists use those, not boys in trouble!
I don't think I will give me any weapon now, but if i do decide to, it will probably be a lighter pistol. ill have to do some research. I am very worried about him, but want him to be the safest!

Caroline - posted on 07/08/2012

2

0

1

Oh my word you have really let this get too far. An AK-47? You have no idea how dangerous those are! They havent been manufactured since the 80's, and they jam constantly. Your son needs some more reliable protection. I would recommend an AR-15. No jams, no trouble. At 300 rounds per minute, you really can't go wrong. No bitch-ass hoes will mess with little Alex when he's packin' one of those! I really hope you can get this little situation worked out. I'll pray for you and your boy.

Louise - posted on 07/08/2012

5,429

69

2322

Wow, this is serious! I strongly reccomend that you move, the further away the better. Your son has lost his childhood and has been dragged into the world of drugs and alcohol. really you should of moved years ago before it got this bad. As for girls staying I dont think so he is a minor. Hand the gun into the police and move now. Your son is in danger if he stays here, not just a bit of brusing but serious risk of being shot dead! There must be a family member you can stay with that does not live within 20 miles of you. If so go today. Then get your son some help and counciling to get off the drugs. It is to late to ask why you have let him go down this road, at 13 he should of been put in his place and removed from this situation, now you have to live with the very serious threat of getting him off the drugs and out of a gang that is using guns! I hope to God it is not to late! Get help today!!!!!

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms