step kids please help

Jja - posted on 02/20/2015 ( 2 moms have responded )

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Hi I'm a 33 year old mother of 16yr old and currently pregnant with my 2nd child which is from my current relationship. I'm 35 weeks pregnant. My bf also had a son who's 7. He had his kid every other weekend and now that the kid's mom know that I'm pregnant Is acting up using that child. All of a sudden the kid wants to sleep with his dad on the bed and the mom told my bf that he should be the one sleeping in the bed with him since I sleep with my bf every night. And also she gets 400 child support a month but yet he still has to buy him clothes haircut etc and every time the kid is her he wants outside food to me it seem like she tell him to make him spend money. I feel that when our daughter is born this woman is going to do whatever to get her son closer to him and further from our child. What should I do or say it's really irritating and stressing me to the point where I don't like his kid since even when we are all in the living room watching tv his son tries to pull him away from me.

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Raye - posted on 02/23/2015

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First, the boy is old enough that he doesn't need to sleep with a parent. If his mother wants him to sleep in her bed, that's her choice, but that does not need to be the rule at your house.

Second, if the child is staying with his father, then he needs clothes, toys, food bought by his father for him to have, use, eat at his father's house. The child support goes to the mother to help her with bills, clothes, food, etc that the child uses, eats while he lives 85% if his time at her house. And it's not really up to you on whether she spends that money on groceries to cook meals at home or takes the boy out to eat. But you do not need to go out to eat all the time just because she takes him out.

Third, the father should not be responsible for every haircut, but sometimes that is a bonding thing between father and son, and so I wouldn't consider it a big deal.

Of course, the mother probably feels like your BF's attention is going to be more focused on your child when it's born. But your BF needs to let her know that he is still going to care for his son and she needs to butt out and not try to control what goes on at his house. The son may also be feeling like he's going to be left behind when your baby is born. That could be why he pulls away from you.

You saying you "don't like his kid" is a big red flag. As Evelyn said, he didn't ask to be in the middle. You can not like his actions, but he is your BF's son, always will be, and he will be your child's brother. So you should love this kid. If you can't, maybe you're not in the right relationship.

You should talk to your BF about some of the things you're feeling. Tell him that the rules for your house need to be clarified with his son, so that there is no confusion. How your boyfriend spends his money is really no concern of yours as long as the household expenses are takes care of. Again, he will need to spend money on his kid when the son is at his home. You don't know for sure that the mother is trying to get the boy to spend money or misbehave on purpose. So don't waste your energy speculating about it. Deal with the son's behaviors and let it go. He will learn and he will adjust if he is shown where his boundaries are and you and your BF are consistent about how he is to behave at your house.

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