Step mother to a 3 Year old girl Who tells her dad I'm Mean to her.

[deleted account] ( 5 moms have responded )

I am a Step parent to a 3 year old girl, I have been in her life since the day she was born and been helping her father raise her. Her mom has primary custody. Lately, my step daughter has been clinging to her dad constantly and anytime I tell her "no" whether it be from touching things she shouldn't, to standing on a chair etc she starts to "fake cry"/ "whine" and then she says "I'm going to tell dad!" and she does. She then tells him "Daddy, Jessica is being mean to me" and he believes her. I feel like I'm the only one who disciplines her. My husband rarely does, and when he does he tells her to "come here" and gives her a hug after and says "it's okay". UGH! He's even told me, "I'm not going to be the bad guy because I only have her 3 days a week." I don't know what to do?!


Ashley - posted on 06/21/2013




Yeah, I'm with Jodi. Something with him has to change in regards to his disciplining (or lack there of), and also in not defending you. Two become One. Even if he disagrees with you, he needs to support you in front of the kiddo then have a convo about it later with you when she's not around. I'm sorry he doesn't get it. Maybe you can casually read some part of an article or something about it in front of him.

Jodi - posted on 04/24/2013




No wonder she tells dad. He believes her and takes sides. You need to have a discussion with your husband about this, because unless the two of you are on the same page on this, nothing will change. It isn't acceptable that he is reinforcing her behaviour. This is not your step-daughter's fault. This is about you and your husband making a decision on discipline and supporting one another.


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Sinem - posted on 11/16/2013




Im in a same situation with you, My step mother of 5 years old from 3 years, she was behaving just like yours and I totally understand how you feel butit changes by the time. I think its about age and up to biological moms directions...

Shell - posted on 10/24/2013




I ran into the same thing with my husband.... the guilt he held for not seeing is son regularly made it hard for him to discipline. Thankfully he listened to me and has since changed his tune and we are on the same page. I explained to him.... It is his JOB to discipline and teach this child how to be an upstanding adult. Life/Employers/Adults won't give her a free ride in life because she only saw daddy 3 days a week. And let's be honest... looking back adults know that the discipline they got from their parents (including u sMom) was out of love. Children need rules and structure. Proven fact. I'm not just stating my opinion here. Good luck.

Julia - posted on 08/12/2013




My son just turned 4 two months ago. When he was 3 he started this phase of saying "I hate you!", "I don't like you!", "You're hurting me." (Even when I wasn't even touching him or doing regular things like helping him dress or holding his hand as we walk across a parking lot.) This is a phase she is going through. You need to treat it as a phase, not as if the words are true. My son not only said it to me, but to his dad, his grandparents, Sunday School teachers, my friends, etc. You need to also tell her dad that this is a phase that many 3 yr olds go through, it will pass in time, and even if he wants to discipline her differently than you do, the two of you need to be supportive of one another, not let her drive a wedge between you. She is testing boundaries to see if you two will be dependable, reliable, consistant, that no matter what she says or does you will continue to love her & each other & be there for her.
My hubby & I have different ideas of how to discipline, but when he says or does something I let him & support him. I only intervene if he appears to punish out of anger instead of love. He supports my words & punishments too, though he thinks timeouts don't work & would rather spank everytime, I alternate timeouts with spankings depending on what my son did. You two definately need to talk when the girl is not around. Perhaps writing down what you want to say with questions for him to answer, opportunities for him to respond with his ideas & the stated purpose of strengthening your marriage so disciplining her doesn't drive a wedge between you two. I found that when I said the same things to my hubby over & over he would tune it out. When I sometimes wrote it down, he would read it & be more open to discussion. It is worth a try. Good luck.

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