Suggestion of teens sexy text message with boyfriend in facebook

Sue - posted on 05/22/2015 ( 9 moms have responded )

4

0

2

We found that our 17 year old daughter had sexy text message in facebook with a boy friend from the same school. How should we handle the situation? Any ideas and advice please.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Danielle - posted on 05/27/2015

6

0

0

Hi there! Oohh...this is a rotten discovery! My daughters haven't done this (that I know 😕) but I have heard about girls that have. Mine are 15 and nearly 13. Both girls. The only advice I have, especially since she is 17 and getting more adult by the day, is to have the respect of your body discussion. But not in a corny way. These girls all need to know that once they put it out in social media it never goes away! It can come back to them long after the moment is passed. For my girls they are both involved in US/Jr Olympic sports. This would be bad if NCAA or other athletic associations see it for colleges etc. I can only say I would play that aspect for my girls. I feel awful for teens sometimes. Social media makes it so they never get privacy or down time- there is always a friend or boy literally in their room day and night. Bottom line is its not an ok way for these girls to be validating and getting attention. Stand firm in your beliefs and express more disappointment at her age than anger I would think. Might make her more likely to reevaluate based on the prospect of disappointing you at an age when she is trying to earn trust to go away to college etc. Sorry if I wasn't a help, but we mom's all try! Best of Luck!

Raye - posted on 05/22/2015

3,770

0

23

If she is under 18 and the "sexy" text included any naked photos, then that is child porn, and you/she could go to jail. If it's just talk, then tell her that it's inappropriate behavior. Let her know that whatever she writes and sends out is NOT private. She cannot guarantee that it will be read only by the person she originally sent it to, and that it could damage her reputation and jeopardize her future. It is also not temporary, even if her BF deletes it. It's backed up on FB servers and could get hacked or leaked.

If she is irresponsible with electronic devices, she should have them taken away.

9 Comments

View replies by

Floria - posted on 05/28/2015

23

0

2

Boy do I feel like a doof! Sadie Chasse, sorry I didn't notice you yourself are only 16 years old so how exactly would you know what it is like to have a 17 yr old daughter. I apologize for that discrepancy. In hind sight, when you are young, you think certain things would be okay because after all you are in that age group and you should know, right. I can tell you this...when you are a mom of a 17 yr old your opinion WILL change. I do so hope you never experience what my daughter experienced nor what the woman with the 14 yr old who ended up having to do community service and some of her daughter's friends having to do jail time for. I certainly wish you well and hope by being on Circle of Moms will help you in your journey to womanhood and motherhood.

Floria - posted on 05/27/2015

23

0

2

Emelyn you hit the nail on the head! I agree with you completely! As parents we don't want our kids to be 'unhappy', and we done always make the right decisions. I am certainly guilty of that myself. In fact there is not a parent alive who did not make a mistake. You have to set standards for your home of which your children have to live by at least up until they are 18 yrs old. Then if they don't like your house your rules, they can move out. However, should you have an adult child, you are still going to have to set up some house rules they are going to have to live by as long as they live in YOUR HOUSE. They may not like it (mine didn't), however, think of it like this...would you let a strange teenager do the same in your home? If your answer is 'No' then that is the answer to your question. If you would not allow or put up with it with any other teenager or anyone for that matter, then you shouldn't with your own.

[deleted account]

My daughter did this last year (14 at the time) and I tried to stop the boy from spreading the pic around. I told a coach to see if they could do something, but she turned her in to the police. Her and 20 other people were involved and got suspended. She was put on probation for 8 months. Other kids got more time but b/c she was a straight A student and it was obvious she was a good kid, they gave her a break by only making her do community service and check in with a probation officer once a month. She also wasn't allowed to be out past 8pm and wasn't allowed to hang with certain friends per the punishment. The social ramifications were much more severe as her and her ex-boyfriend and the other kids were all within the same social circle. It took the cyber crimes task force months and months to get rid of the pics, and even then, they could still pop up on some porn site. They will also possibly haunt her when its time for her to get into college. She may be denied entry or scholarships. If she would slip up again, they will put her on the sex offender registry. Tell her that story and see if it sinks in. But honestly, I doubt it will. Teens are stubborn and won't listen to us. The friends that were 17+ got actual jail time.....b/c she was minor. If the bf sends that pic to somebody under age then he, she and everybody involved are in trouble. Even if you didn't want the pic. Oh and btw, us parents can be charge as well. I found out that if I didn't turn it in and she got caught even without my knowledge....I would be the one in jail and on the registry. Unless the phone is in her name only and she pays the bill alone....then you are liable. Just something to think about....the cops take it very seriously. Good luck!

Floria - posted on 05/25/2015

23

0

2

Hi Sue, having a daughter who is now 28 and of which I gave 'the talk' to multiple times with increased info year by year. She did something similar and today she wishes she didn't. Her conversations WERE spread through the school. I would have to say if you have talked to her about safe sex, safe internet, and respectful conduct you should make clear what your household standards are. Sex for a 17 yr old is NOT just sex. It is much more than that. Teens can be boastful even more so about sex, thus the boy is probably NOT keeping these conversations with your daughter to himself. Ask her how she would feel should he show their 'private conversations' to his buddies or if they were distributed throughout the school. Decide what your household standards are then present them to your daughter.

=== - posted on 05/25/2015

6

0

1

I'm sorry but she's 17!!!! In a year she'll legally be an adult, but don't you think she's mature enough now? Sex is sex. As long as she's safe(std's, pregnancy you know...) then it's none of your business and her decision. She's almost legally an adult and you're still treating her like a child. Just tell her that you disapprove of the content, but as long as it's her decisions, no coercion etc, then let her be.

Sasha - posted on 05/22/2015

18

0

6

Sit her down and give her a talk on sexual advancements and how to handle them. I had a similar talk with my son Dylan when he brought his girlfriend over, mind that he's only sixteen. I left them alone for five minutes to retrieve laundry and i walked in on them getting "physical". I gave him a heads up that i was coming so that i wouldn't walk in and embarrass them. After she left i gave him a talk and warn him of the dangers. Now he's leading an abstinence club at his high school. So in your situation have the talk and also if you can, contact the boy's parents have a talk about his advancements to your daughter.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms