tantrum troubles almost 4 year old and a 5 eyar old

User - posted on 08/06/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I have a almost 4 year old who if you say no throws a fit, she will throw toys, she will bang on the window with toys and then my 5 year old will then go do it and they both think it is funny, my 5 year old wasn't doing that till over the summer when i had all 3 kids home all day long every day. when ones on the table staading on it and i et that one down the other one sneaks up there, and i tried time out but they think it is funny , i tried sending them to their rooms and my 5 year old will stay in there but my youngest will throw whats she can at the door kick the doors, and hit the windows take the mattress of the bed and jump on the bed and so on, we have replaced her bed 4 times in less then 2 years, replaced the door 3 times in less then a year, and replaced the blids 5 times in less then a year i need some advice i even tried a reward chart instant reward doesn't seem to be helping.... please help...

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Julie - posted on 08/12/2013

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It's really hard when you have more than one child misbehaving - I bet you feel like tearing your hair out!
I wish I had a magic wand I could wave for you but I don't, however I will share the kind of things that worked for me and I have brought 3 children up by myself.
Have you ever used 123 magic? That is instead of telling your child why they have to stop doing something or what they're doing is naughty etc you just say 'that's one' and the next time they do something you don't want them to say 'that's two' when you get to three they have to sit in an agreed time out area - could be bottom step of the stairs, on a bathmat somewhere etc. you just say 'that's three so time out' during the time out don't give them eye contact or talk to them, remember you are the adult. After the time out is finished you can ask why they had time out and what they're going to do now. Then it is a fresh start. This stops you arguing with your children, they know what they're doing wrong so you don't need to be constantly telling them.
Try using lots of praise and positive statements - you're playing really nicely. I like how your sharing the toy, you're sitting so nicely etc. children like praise and we should use it often. Tell your children exactly what you would like them to do, not what you don't want them to do. Eg we are going to walk to the park and you are going to hold my hand until we get there.
Your child obviously likes bouncing and it's a good way of using up energy, could you buy a small trampoline? Even just one that you have for keep fit lessons and say that is where they do their bouncing?
Using bedrooms for time out or punishment doesn't work well. I never used it with mine as they would just trash it. I used to make them sit for a few minutes in the downstairs bathroom! It was boring for them - as is the bottom step. Some one I know uses a skipping rope and makes a circle as she says she can still do this when they're out!
Anyway, lots of praise, positive words, hugs, thumbs up, high fives, less negative words and listen to each other. Let them know you always love them but don't like what they're doing right now.

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