teen disrespectable to mother

Olivia Jo - posted on 08/24/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I have a 14 (almost 15 in 2 mos.) year old son who has become disrespectable and hateful to me, a single parent. My husband died last year. My son stays in his room 99% of the time he is home playing on X-Box and watching TV and on phone. I ask him to help me do something and he gets mad because I am "bothering" him. Sometimes he says wait a minute, but the task never gets done. I ask him to ride with me tomorrow and he said, "no, I am not going". He got mad the other day because I sent him in the store to get a loal of bread with coins instead of paper money. I am about 60% disabled due to back problems and I am in pain 24/7. He has become so intolerable and I told him that if he was not my son, we would not be friends. I am at the point, I am getting where I hate him and I don't want to do that. Help me please.

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Vicki - posted on 08/24/2012

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Hi Olivia, I undestand those feelings all to well. You have already started doing the right thing by reaching out for some advise. Good on you! You have every right to expect him to help out.I find when parents dont call upon them to help out at a young age they get use to that and when you do ask for the help which is usually the teen years we are stunned by the reaction. I too was in this same boat, I only recently decided to say enough is enough. I need to change inorder for my son to change his behavour. When we are respectful so are they. Maybe you can try to sit your son down for a family meeting and discuss the household chores and rules. Discuss consenquences. Let him know that he is part of a family and he aslo has responsibilities. Lay it out on paper so he visually sees it ask him to participate and give his opinions as to what the consenquences should be. You would be surprised as to what they come up with. The phone, computer, tv and video games are all privilages not a right. Maybe you can tell him that if the chores are not done he wont be able to use any of those things. You both have to reach a comprimise as to what works for the two of you you both have to be happy with it.

Hang in there!

Vicki

Tora - posted on 08/24/2012

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Olivia, I'm sorry for your loss. It sounds like a really difficult time for you. It seems to me that your son needs therapy. Between losing his dad, your disability and the normal hormonal changes of adolescence, he's probably got a lot of anger and sadness that he doesn't know how to handle. He may say that he doesn't want to go to a therapist, so you might need to make him. In my experience, a father's firm hand is really important to teenage boys, and when they don't have that they can often lose their way. My husband was drinking when my son entered puberty, so he was either ignoring our son or setting bad examples. I was the only one who made or enforced any rules, and my son got very angry and began to treat me horribly (he told me later he didn't realize that his words or actions could actually hurt me!). Once my son got some counseling and my hubby stopped drinking after I said I was leaving, my relationship with my son improved a lot. It's not perfect now (my son's still a teenager with some emotional problems, after all, and my hubby has a lot of time to make up for), but I no longer feel like my son's out of control. I imagine your situation is even more difficult being the only parent. You need help to figure out ways to give your son boundaries, keep him safe, and have a healthy relationship with him.



There are often free or very low-cost mental health clinics with therapists who specialize in adolescent or family therapy. This website offers some hints on getting started: http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/pro...



Good luck!

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