Teen not wanting to come home

Kerri - posted on 01/30/2013 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I am a mother of 3 and a stepmother to 4. My oldest son is 15 and a year ago when we moved to another city, he wanted to stay with my sister so that he could finish up 9th grade at the same school. We agreed. Come the end of the school year, he didn't want to come home and went as far as convincing my sister to call CPS (child protective services) so that he didn't have to come home, They started an investigation and determined that our home was safe and he had no reason to not live there. He has since "developed" this strange fear of our home and won't even come visit me or his brother. He has lied and created a big mess within my family and I quit talking to him as well as them as they were not listening. All I get is.. " you WERE such a great mother and your kids were always first". I am not sure when I haven't put my kids first. My sister has even filed to have guardianship over my son. I now have to go to court about all this. One of my step sons lives full time with us as well my 13 year old son. They are not sure why or what's up with this one. My 13 year old now refuses to communicate with his older brother because of the lies and actions.
I am so lost about this that I am not sure if I should let him go and just give up or if I should MAKE him come home to where he doesn't want to be.
I feel that kids these days think they can do what they want and the state allows that by allowing the "kids" to call the shots with what they want to do.

So frustrated!!

6 Comments

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Amber - posted on 02/03/2013

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Yes he needs to come home. No it is not going to be an easy road, but I promise it will be worth it in the end. Speak to your husband and make a plan for the two of you and the rest of the household and that way there will be minimal interruption. I strongly encourage you to also involve a counselor, both individual and family to help deal with the stress this can potentially cause. I have dealt with a similar situation with my daughter, who is now 16. She decided that home was not to her standards, I stuck to my rules and she has settled. It took her 3 years to come around and it has not been easy but with empathy, compassion and a very good family counselor, we are in a much better place with her now. Good luck and Godspeed to you and your family.

Tracy - posted on 02/01/2013

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Your sister should be working to help bring him home and not working to separate you two. Is there another family member in that area your son could live with to help the situation? Someone who could help determine if it's just the area he doesn't want to leave or something in your household that is the problem?

I can tell you that my husband's son was around 15 when he started running away and getting into trouble. He's had a rough life because of his choices. My husband thought he would never have his son back - who hasn't been around at all since about 16 years old and our entire 12 year marriage. BUT, his son is now a part of our lives and is really getting his life together. I know your son isn't (that we know of) into trouble, but I just use the comparison because my husband thought his son was gone from our lives forever. He's over the moon to have him back. It sounds like you guys might be in the same situation where, once whatever is bugging him is over, he will come around. PROTECT YOUR FAMILY IN THE MEANTIME, but allow him the room to go through this while letting him know you will be there in the end. ****hugs****

Nickea - posted on 02/01/2013

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Kerri, I am going through the same thing with my son. The only difference is he's 17 and does not live with anyone in our family. He's staying with a friend and his mom. My son told me to my face that he doesn't want me in his life! So I feel your pain. My entire family has turned on me because of the lies he's telling. We started counseling and now he's refusing to come. This situation has hurt so bad because he's the child that God used to save my life because I was an out of control teen when I got pregnant with him and we've been through so much together. I am a Christian and I do believe what the bible says in Proverbs 22:6 train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it. God has given me peace about the situation and I do believe in do believe that God will turn this situation around and bring my family back together. I encouraged you to keep praying for your son and your sister because shes still hurting as well. I still text my son and invite him over for dinner and tell him we love and miss him. I tell him to call if he needs anything. Bottom line let him know how much u love him and how much u want him in your life and no matter what he does or who he choose mommy will always be there. If u force him to come back he will truly hate you and rebel more but if u know that he's in a safe place and is being taken care of allow him to choose.Take your guard down with ur sister and ccommunicate with her for the sake of ur son. She knows she can never replace u no matter how hard she tried. When ur son back with love not war! Peace and blessing to u and your family. God bless!

Lakota - posted on 01/31/2013

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Your sister should be ashamed of herself. What a disgusting thing she's doing. Yes, fight to get him back. Do not give up. When he does come home, I wouldn't talk to her ever again.

Kerri - posted on 01/31/2013

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Thank you Joanne! I really do just look into the future and know that as close as we were.. one day he'll be back. I just hope it's not to late..
It's tough. I never ever thought I would be in anything of this sort. Ever! My kids and I have always been so close. I am now toying with the idea of my sister "brain washing" him, only because she resents me. We were pregnant at the same time and she chose abortion over birth. I don't know...
Ugh!
Thanks again though! ♥

Joanne - posted on 01/31/2013

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How awful for you! do you think it could be that he doesnt want to move areas rather than not wanting to live with you, it is an awkward age to move i know my son flips out if i even say im thinking of us moving! (hes 15) it sounds like your sister is quite happy to have your son living with her, but remember he is your son not hers and if you dont think its right for him then you should fight to get him back home with you, i wish you luck and im sure one day he will realise what you have done for him and comes knocking on your door
take care x

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