teenage daughter

Jenna - posted on 07/06/2014 ( 7 moms have responded )

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hello everyone so this question is about my youngest teenage daughter Erica who is 14 turning 15 in 4 weeks , she is normally a very bright student gets good grades and is just a lovely girl but over the last year all that has changed , i allowed her to date once she turned 14 and ever since then her behaviour has changed , her grades have dropped and she has been into trouble with the teachers for being rude ( to put it nicely ) , she never does anything at home, she lies to me , she has also told me she has been having sex and most likely she is smoking and doing other things. i have tried talking to her but i do not get listened to , i have tried setting a time limit but that has not worked i even took away her dating privileges but she just sneaked out of the house , i have grounded her , and took away some of her privileges over the last year and have just been laughed at .
i just do not know what to do anymore anyone with advice feel free to share
thank you

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Carrie - posted on 07/07/2014

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>Carrie-that is an outright attack on me since you know nothing of me or my kids.

I know how you talk, and you talk like an oppressive ****. I'm a psychologist and I've met hundreds of ***** like you and I know the effect they have on children.

>The 20's are long over but I am a mother and I raise my kids as I was raised.

And that's the problem. The world has changed. You haven't adapted to it. Today, there are cellphones, internet, etc.

>I am not a dictator. I do give my kids choices when it comes to certain things. They have rules to live by. Seems to me that when they do follow the rules they get to do what they want within reason. That is what being a parent is.

That makes more sense. Read what you wrote and compare it to "I HAVE TO GET THROUGH MY KIDS."

>I never used violence with my kids to get my points across. I talked to them with respect.

Okay, that makes more sense. Maybe I misread what you originally wrote.

I would never remove privileges for a child "sneaking out" however. Pointless abuse of power.

>I am not uptight nor abusive as you call it. I never ruined my kids' lives. I got one that is married and doing well on her own and she is a mom too.

100% meaningless.

>My son is in high school and we have mutual respect for each other. I do not know where you get the ideas about me that you have but they are far from correct.

So tell us what horrible, horrible thing he has done and your reaction to it.

Carrie - posted on 07/07/2014

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>Dating should not begin until teens reach the age of at least 16 and in some cases 17

You are totally insane. The 1920s are over.

>Her mother is right to ground her and take privileges from her if she sneaks out and does things against the rules of the house.

Not really. Sounds like a dictature. Do you really think that would help the girl? Doesn't seem like it does, neither here nor in any thread here.

>Some kids are harder to get through to than others.

We can see how tremendously respectful of children you are. WELL SOME ARE HARDER TO GET THROUGH! BETTER USE MORE VIOLENCE!

The truth is, you are a manipulative, uptight, abusive "parent" (term used loosely here) who is ruining the life of her children.

Carrie - posted on 07/07/2014

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First, stop blaming the fact you have allowed her to date.

The issue here is that she has grown up, has had enough of your controlling and dominating attitude, and chose to fight back.

Jenna - posted on 07/07/2014

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thank you for the advice i might look into them ideas yes she can talk to family members or friends of the family and my oldest daughters have friends who are in college maybe 1 of them could talk to her ? .
i could see if i can get her into a sport or activity or volunteering or something
thank you

Chet - posted on 07/07/2014

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Are there other trusted adults in her life who can talk to her? Often teens don't want to talk to their parents. It's natural for teens to try and separate from their parents. I'm thinking of a relative or friend of the family, maybe an older teen or college aged student that can get involved, be a good example, be someone to talk to, etc.

You could also check and see if your school has any intervention programs for youth at risk - kids who have disengaged with school, who need to catch up, and who need a more individualized program to be inspired.

Sometimes too it can help if teens have something meaningful to them to work for. Would your daughter want to volunteer with a cause, or get involved in a sport, activity or club? Some teens go down the road your daughter has because they're bored. They don't have anything real to work towards. They don't have any real responsibility.

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