Teenage daughter- sexual at 14

Trudi - posted on 09/04/2014 ( 11 moms have responded )

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I've never blogged before. My daughter was dishonest with us so we took her phone...the only thing that seems to really matter to her. I'm beside myself with what I found on there!! She has naked pics of herself with somewhat vulgar remarks that she made. Very, very sexual conversations with boys! I mean conversations that I couldn't imagine having not even with my husband! Like phone sex! She talks like a totally different person than I thought she was! No innocence or modesty! I'm so sickened by the whole thing and so very saddened at the same time! She just turned 14! We are somewhat open but still are her parents n provide structure n discipline n values! We recently moved to provide a better area n school for our kids. I feel like her old friends are a bad influence on her. There's only a couple but nonetheless they are not bringing out the best in her. I'm just not sure how much or to what extent I should confront her. I want her to trust me n I her but I don't like where it seems she is going n she really is a good kid who has been somewhat reserved n shy until this past year. Right around the time we announced we were moving. Any suggestions?

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Chet - posted on 09/04/2014

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I completely agree with Raye. You need to talk to your daughter very honestly and without coming down on her like a ton of bricks. You need to talk to her so she really hears what you're saying. If you get angry she's only going to hear angry, and she's much more likely to get defensive.

You also need to really listen to her too though. Hopefully, if you are calm and honest and candid she will be as well. Young girls who do this kind of thing often have issues that cause them to seek attention in a sexual way rather than in more positive ways. Curtailing this behaviour is likely to require that you have some real understanding of her thought process and her weaknesses.

It might help to talk to her about some high profile cases of kids who got into serious trouble doing this kind of thing. I'm not sure if you can view this in the US (it's from Canada and might not be viewable outside of Canada). It's the story of Amanda Todd and it's very well done :

http://www.cbc.ca/fifth/episodes/2013-20...

There's also been a number of cases recently of kids being arresting for creating and sharing child pornography. They have no idea that a naked picture of a 13 or 14 year old can be a crime.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/09/2014

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Its definitely an eye opener for parents of tweens/teens!

Tanya - posted on 09/09/2014

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Oh man...Okay, thanks for letting me know that just encase my daughter decides to do anything funky.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/09/2014

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Actually, if you don't turn the kid in, and its found through other avenues, you could be charged as an accessory for distribution of child porn. Its safest all the way around to turn the kid in.

Tanya - posted on 09/08/2014

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I now understand what you guys are saying about the police and it makes sense.

However, I would never turn my daughter into the police for sending pictures of herself. I would try to deal with it on my own and in a different way.

Turning my child in just sounds odd to me.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/08/2014

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Yes, the police will get involved, because, by using her phone to take & send pictures of herself she is distributing child pornography.

Good luck with the whole fiasco...

Tanya - posted on 09/06/2014

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I wouldn't go as far as police, if they are the same age what will the police do?

But defiantly contact the boys parents and get everyone on board.

Talk to your daughter, let her know anything she sends or posts is on the internet and phones forever...this can jeopardise her future.

Lori - posted on 09/06/2014

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obviously she is not adult enough to be allowed a cell phone anymore. I'm not sure if you know the boys' parents in this situation but they should be contacted. and - this may be a matter for the police as well.

Raye - posted on 09/04/2014

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You definitely need to talk to her. Try not to accuse her (I hope she's more talk than action), but discuss the dangers of sex such as STD's, pregnancy, etc. (I read somewhere there's been a huge jump in STD cases from kids as young as 9.) Things that can affect her the rest of her life. Try to let her know that boys at this age may say they love her, but they are not mature enough to know what true love means. They are usually telling the girl what she wants to hear to get what they want. She should learn that the naked photos and the vulgar language is her being disrespectful to herself. And the boy is not going to respect her either. If she needs to go to those lengths to be liked by a boy or to keep her friends, then the people she's trying to impress aren't worth her time. She is more valuable than that.

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