Teenage Son won't follow rules and now wants to live with Dad

Wendy - posted on 04/10/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )

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Let me start with a little background on my son...He has always been involved in football and did fairly well in school. I have had to punish him growing up for normal things and of course he didn't like it but he just took it. His Dad and I were married for 16 yrs, two years ago his Dad cheated on me with a 23 yr old and left his family for her. He did not see the children and did not pay child support. Needless to say, we lost our home and had to move in with my Mom...I took him to court and finally started receiving child support five months ago. He has started seeing the youngest child a couple times a month, but the oldest two (son 17 and daughter 18) work and have friends. He didn't really ask to see them much. My 17 yr old son would see him every so often when he went by his job to see his dad. Well now my son is failing school...he brought home 4 F's on his progress report (very low F's) and I grounded him...I told him he was not allowed to see his girlfriend or friends outside of school and had to come straight home everyday and study and do homework. The only place he is allowed to go is school and work. I caught him twice sneaking to his girlfriends house before and after work. So, I took his cell phone. Then, I caught him again and was going to take his car...when he "flipped out" started screaming at me telling me he hates his life and he don't want to be here anymore. Said he hates living with my Mom and he just wants his life back. At this point he is crying and saying he just misses his Dad and that he loves him so much! I called his Dad and he came and talked to him and took him home with him that night...well now my son wants to go live with him...His Dad has told him that he will be able to come and go as he pleases. I have talked with his Dad and he tells me that I hound him too much and that I can't make him graduate school and that he is "a boy" thats just how boys are and I have to let him be a boy...but I don't agree! I want my child to graduate high school and I think he should have a curfew and he needs discipline. All his Dad is worried about is how much child support he will have to pay if he goes to live with him....I really think that is what it is all about to him, since he didn't pay for a year and a half and has been court ordered to pay now or go to jail...he is also having to pay extra for the arrears...My son thinks he doesn't have to do what I say cause he can just leave and go to Dad's...PLEASE HELP! I really don't know what to do! I am also heart broken!

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/10/2013

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2015

If your custody is court ordered, and your son petitions to be able to live with his dad, it most likely will be granted, unless there are extreme circumstances that would endanger his life.

Not what you want to hear, but he's 17, and he will have a choice of which parent he wants to live with, if you live in the US.

And while I don't agree with the "he's a boy and that's what they do" mentality, I do agree that you forcing your son to complete HS, etc, will not result in him passing well, it will result in him barely pulling minimum grades so that he can get you off his back. Been there, done that. Changed methods with the second kid, so hopefully will have a success story rather than a "just got by" story.

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